Screamed into a Pillow
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 33
Screamed into a Pillow
Hello everyone I'm new here, I'm 23 and a brother to an alcoholic sister.
I've tried to be as supportive as possible to my mum and sister to the point where I feel my problems are a burden.
Tonight I got home and had my sister tell me she doesn't want to do the therapy she's been waiting for as she believes she has been diagnosed wrong by the mental health team. I talked to her, and she told me to read up about things and talk to her when I 'understand'.
Well I went upstairs, talked to my friends on Facebook and proceeded to cry, a lot. I then cried so much, I got a pillow and screamed into it. I made such a high pitched noise, I couldn't believe it. I cried and screamed for about 15-20 minutes. I had a nose bleed, and well I calmed down and talked to my friend on the phone.
I don't really know what to do from here. I just feel like putting this out there might make me feel better, seeing others feel the same.
I've tried to be as supportive as possible to my mum and sister to the point where I feel my problems are a burden.
Tonight I got home and had my sister tell me she doesn't want to do the therapy she's been waiting for as she believes she has been diagnosed wrong by the mental health team. I talked to her, and she told me to read up about things and talk to her when I 'understand'.
Well I went upstairs, talked to my friends on Facebook and proceeded to cry, a lot. I then cried so much, I got a pillow and screamed into it. I made such a high pitched noise, I couldn't believe it. I cried and screamed for about 15-20 minutes. I had a nose bleed, and well I calmed down and talked to my friend on the phone.
I don't really know what to do from here. I just feel like putting this out there might make me feel better, seeing others feel the same.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Keep your head, Lord Stark (I'm watching my GoT Blu Ray my son got me for Christmas).
My suggestion is that you find yourself an Al-Anon meeting and start focusing on what you can do for yourself. Invite your mum, if she's willing to go--sounds like it would be helpful to her, too.
There is very little you can do for your sister. Denial is very powerful in alcoholics. If she chooses not to accept treatment, there isn't anything you can do to force her. What you CAN do is to learn to detach from her. Do you all live in the same home? Is there a chance you could get your own place to get a little distance from the insanity?
My suggestion is that you find yourself an Al-Anon meeting and start focusing on what you can do for yourself. Invite your mum, if she's willing to go--sounds like it would be helpful to her, too.
There is very little you can do for your sister. Denial is very powerful in alcoholics. If she chooses not to accept treatment, there isn't anything you can do to force her. What you CAN do is to learn to detach from her. Do you all live in the same home? Is there a chance you could get your own place to get a little distance from the insanity?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 33
Originally Posted by LexieCat 
Keep your head, Lord Stark (I'm watching my GoT Blu Ray my son got me for Christmas).
My suggestion is that you find yourself an Al-Anon meeting and start focusing on what you can do for yourself. Invite your mum, if she's willing to go--sounds like it would be helpful to her, too.
There is very little you can do for your sister. Denial is very powerful in alcoholics. If she chooses not to accept treatment, there isn't anything you can do to force her. What you CAN do is to learn to detach from her. Do you all live in the same home? Is there a chance you could get your own place to get a little distance from the insanity?
My suggestion is that you find yourself an Al-Anon meeting and start focusing on what you can do for yourself. Invite your mum, if she's willing to go--sounds like it would be helpful to her, too.
There is very little you can do for your sister. Denial is very powerful in alcoholics. If she chooses not to accept treatment, there isn't anything you can do to force her. What you CAN do is to learn to detach from her. Do you all live in the same home? Is there a chance you could get your own place to get a little distance from the insanity?
And I am going to start going to Al-Anon soon, I realise I need more help than I've given myself.
And I would love my own place, but I feel like leaving would make things worse. That my mum and sister would argue more than they do and that I'm the only bit of sanity left in this house. I feel trapped most of the time.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Here's the thing. You can't be the peacekeeper. You will burn yourself out, the others will come to resent it, and ultimately you can only control yourself and your own words, thoughts, and actions.
If your mum would go to Al-Anon, she can learn more effective ways to interact with your sister. At some point, maybe she will have to ask HER to leave. But in the meantime, strategies like detachment and setting healthy boundaries as long as your sister is living there in the house can go a long way toward reducing the tension.
If your mum would go to Al-Anon, she can learn more effective ways to interact with your sister. At some point, maybe she will have to ask HER to leave. But in the meantime, strategies like detachment and setting healthy boundaries as long as your sister is living there in the house can go a long way toward reducing the tension.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 8,999
Arghhh Ned! This type of thing is so darn painful: watching the people you love suffer and destroy themselves.
What most of us will tell you might be a bit rough to hear, and even rougher to put into practice. Your sister's addiction is most likely degenerative so she will only get worse. Before your mom and sister, you need to take care of yourself; set some boundaries and yes do get to an Alanon meeting. Detaching like this goes very against the grain with most of us. I used to feel like I was doing open heart surgery on myself without anesthesia.
May hosts of angels surround you and your family at this time. Please keep coming back and letting us know how you are doing.
What most of us will tell you might be a bit rough to hear, and even rougher to put into practice. Your sister's addiction is most likely degenerative so she will only get worse. Before your mom and sister, you need to take care of yourself; set some boundaries and yes do get to an Alanon meeting. Detaching like this goes very against the grain with most of us. I used to feel like I was doing open heart surgery on myself without anesthesia.
May hosts of angels surround you and your family at this time. Please keep coming back and letting us know how you are doing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 33
Thanks for the advice everyone, I have had a decent sleep and feel a bit better today. The situation is still rubbish, and I am going to have to talk to everyone about it. I'm going to start going to Al-Anon meetings and seek some counselling, as I have never had such an emotional build up before.
I want to find a way to move out, even if it means I don't have much money for myself. Either that or temporarily live with a friend or family somewhere else. I will keep coming back to this forum for help as well.
Thanks all
I want to find a way to move out, even if it means I don't have much money for myself. Either that or temporarily live with a friend or family somewhere else. I will keep coming back to this forum for help as well.
Thanks all
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 845
Love your screen name! GOT is the best. I agree with others that you have to take care of yourself first. Your Mum and sister are living with the consequences of their choices. You can't force them to choose differently, but you have to protect yourself. You're young and deserve to be out there living life and not stuck at home trying to clean up the consequences of other people's choices.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 33
Originally Posted by jjj111
Love your screen name! GOT is the best. I agree with others that you have to take care of yourself first. Your Mum and sister are living with the consequences of their choices. You can't force them to choose differently, but you have to protect yourself. You're young and deserve to be out there living life and not stuck at home trying to clean up the consequences of other people's choices.
I have been doing a lot of thinking and will take a couple more days to do so. I've been so empathetic and supportive I've forgotten about myself. I don't take care of myself. I'm going to ring up my local doctor, get support from them as well as an Al-Anon group. I'm going to make sure I do thinks I enjoy and stop trying to appease everyone. I'm also going to find a job I like, not the one I hate right now!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
