amy55

I think most of the people here know that I was in an abusive relationship. I wanted to talk about "Limbo Land".

It's a place no one ever wants to go to.

Communication or the ability to communicate is the biggest thing in a relationship. Without the ability to communicate, I don't know? what is there"?

I got that. God awful "silent treatment" a lot, more then a lot. That wasn't even enough though for my ex, then he would "run away" from home. I had no contact with him at all. I never knew when he was coming home, if he was coming home, would he come home this week or next week, or today, or tomorrow. Now remember, I had to walk around with my cell phone attached to me 24/7, I couldn't even take a shower without taking my cell phone with me.

If I missed a call from him, well, I can't even describe that. It was just plain h3ll. But yet, he would never answer my calls, and I never knew where he was.

I know some people might say that this would never happen to me. Think about the frog in the cold water being heated up and the frog put into the hot water. It happens over time.

That changes. Why? Simply because he wasn't getting a reaction from me. He wanted that reaction. He would then tell me that he wished that I would tell him anything at all that was bothering me, and oh, so I did. Big Mistake !!!!!! It was what he wanted. He wanted me to say anything at all, so that he could attack me.

So after attacking me verbally, sometimes physically, I learned to keep my mouth shut again, but during this whole time, I was learning primal survival. It was just a survival mechanism that had to kick in, I didn't know what else to do.

You then go into "limbo land". You just want to survive. You don't want to argue, but sometimes there is no way out. You have been so beaten down, everything you do is wrong.

You feel happy, elated when that phone rings. You think, at least he may not be mad at me anymore, meanwhile, the black eye he gave you 2 months ago, is now almost not showing.

It's still like you need his approval, .............

Research stockholm syndrome, BWS, trauma bonding.

btdt

((((((hugs)))))))
amy

PS - Sometimes I do think we need to take better care in how we respond to some of the posters. You can't help anyone if they are afraid to come here.

I think once they feel safe here, they are better able to listen

I was one that left a site that could have helped me.

findingme26

This really spoke to me. My relationship is not abusive in the traditional sense. But the emotional abuse we suffer at the hands of an addict can cut pretty deeply. I'm trying to hard to detach, but that jump of elation at a phone call, scrambling for any emotional crumbs that are thrown my way...it's so unhealthy and draining. So why do we stay on the ride for so long?

amy55

I don't know. I was married twice. I never got like this with my first husband. My first ex was a POS. I married him because I was pregnant.

I think for me it was because he seemed to put me on a pedastal. I was the best, then he slowly started to chip away at me a little at a time, but he would also try to bring me up again, but he just kept chipping away at my self esteem.

At the end, and I do hope that no one here ever gets this low, I was willing to accept, "just treat me like I exist and that I am a human being".

Oh btw, emotional abuse, take it from me, sometimes that is worse then physical abuse. Don't ever thing, well he doesn't hit me, it's not that bad. It is that bad.

What makes it even worse that that your whole inside was beaten up, but you have no marks, so they don't see anything at all. But then if they hit you and they can see it, they are even more angry at you, because you made them do it.

Not explaining myself correctly today.

Abuse is abuse. Doesn't matter what kind. If you are afraid of your partner and you are walking on eggshells, that's not really where you want to be.

((((((hugs)))))) and glad that you joined us here, but sorry for why you came here.

amy

HHTexas

I know this is one month after the fact but thank you for this. Just realized how much I relate. All the attention was doted on electronics and DS. I wasn't even really in his reality. Always bothered me that when the 3 of us went anywhere, he (carrying DS) would just take off walking, leaving me locking the car, running to catch up.

hopeful4

Spot on. Great post!