Thoughts
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Thoughts
Hello everyone
Today with a great deal of sadness I have realised I spend 99% of my waking hours reminding myself of how much I hate myself and all the reasons why I hate myself.
I never really thought about it before in terms of how much time I dedicate to feeling bad about myself.
I would love to know what other people who don't feel like this, spend their days thinking about.
Like when you are sat in the car in traffic.
When you are waiting to pay at the supermarket.
When you go for a walk.
When you sit with friends.
Today with a great deal of sadness I have realised I spend 99% of my waking hours reminding myself of how much I hate myself and all the reasons why I hate myself.
I never really thought about it before in terms of how much time I dedicate to feeling bad about myself.
I would love to know what other people who don't feel like this, spend their days thinking about.
Like when you are sat in the car in traffic.
When you are waiting to pay at the supermarket.
When you go for a walk.
When you sit with friends.
Recoverer of Self
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 297
Hey Sasha...I wish I knew...for me..when I'm not thinking about why I hate myself, I'm thinking about why everyone else should hate me!
It's a horrible way to live, with so much self-loathing. And to those who don't undertand...self-loathing is NOT a pity party!!!
It's a horrible way to live, with so much self-loathing. And to those who don't undertand...self-loathing is NOT a pity party!!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: illinois
Posts: 907
Sasha, I'm sorry you are feeling this way. It's painful, unhealthy, and doesn't allow you to grow.
You should make it a priority to get yourself out of this. I have been there, and I learned three things that help me. 1) I truly believe we all have value, love and goodness in us. 2) the way to make up for past misbehavior is to express those things, now, as much as possible. 3) all thinking patterns become habit with repeated practice.-this includes negative self-talk.
After beating myself up for years, I realized I have light and love and contributions to give to the world. No one can stop me. And when I focus on this instead of judging (others AND self) I just feel better.
You should make it a priority to get yourself out of this. I have been there, and I learned three things that help me. 1) I truly believe we all have value, love and goodness in us. 2) the way to make up for past misbehavior is to express those things, now, as much as possible. 3) all thinking patterns become habit with repeated practice.-this includes negative self-talk.
After beating myself up for years, I realized I have light and love and contributions to give to the world. No one can stop me. And when I focus on this instead of judging (others AND self) I just feel better.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
I have felt like you and know now that it is my huge anxiety and fears showing themselves. I now do all I can to keep my anxiety at bay. I take a mild anti depressant/anxiety drug. I'm on HRT even though I'm only 41 I've been on it for years. following tests I know that part of my anxiety is as a result of hormone imbalance following early menopause. If I stop taking it my anxiety goes through the roof and the negative thoughts return.
I try and do regular exercise and eat moderately well.
I also try and avoid bad situations to people and situations that affect my peace of mind. It's not easy at times but I know to recognise when something needs to change in my life.
Anna talks about balance on threads and this is so so true. For me it's a whole mix of things that help me maintain a balance to stop my anxiety ruling and ruining my life.
I try and do regular exercise and eat moderately well.
I also try and avoid bad situations to people and situations that affect my peace of mind. It's not easy at times but I know to recognise when something needs to change in my life.
Anna talks about balance on threads and this is so so true. For me it's a whole mix of things that help me maintain a balance to stop my anxiety ruling and ruining my life.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
It was a tough one for me too Sasha, it sometimes still is, I drank because I wanted to escape, and the feeling of loneliness escalated the feelings of hate towards myself, so much that I drank more and more until finally I was drinking because it was a habit, but when I got Sober all of that stuff needed to be addressed.
There are loads of things that I had to deal with, but I had to find somethings to like about myself, and be grateful for, there weren't that many at first, but there were a few, and I'd say Sasha there are loads of things either you're good at, are strengths, or that the people here on SR or in real life see in you to like.
The other thing I realised is that I wasn't going to feel on top of the world every day, in Sobriety sometimes I was still going to have bad days, when nothing seems to be going right, life still continues to have ups and downs.
Hang in there!!
There are loads of things that I had to deal with, but I had to find somethings to like about myself, and be grateful for, there weren't that many at first, but there were a few, and I'd say Sasha there are loads of things either you're good at, are strengths, or that the people here on SR or in real life see in you to like.
The other thing I realised is that I wasn't going to feel on top of the world every day, in Sobriety sometimes I was still going to have bad days, when nothing seems to be going right, life still continues to have ups and downs.
Hang in there!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 3,293
Sasha4, I'm real sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time. I can certainly relate to it. I spent most of my life finding fault with myself. I was never able to measure up to my expectations or the expectations of others. I was constantly beating on myself. The only relief I could find was with drinking or drugs. After a while, I started beating on myself for drugging and drinking so much. A catch 22 I guess.
I don't know if this relates to you, but I was constantly told as a child that I had no value. Nothing I did seemed to be good enough. As a child, I always wanted to please others to get them to like me and see me as somebody with worth. Never worked. I carried that with me as an adult. All I was doing was continue the abuse I endured as a child. The people that did this to me were gone, but I kept them alive in my head.
Maybe it was because of the therapy I've had or I just got tired of treating myself like that when I knew different, but things slowly changed for me. I still struggle with it sometimes and most of the times I go back to drinking now usually has something to do with it.
I take time nowadays to think back at the many things I have accomplished in the past and the good things I have done today. I also think about the many struggles I have had and the strength it took to get through them. These things helps me see myself in a different way.
Sorry for such a long post, but your situation really touched me. I hope what I shared helps you a little. That little person in your head that's telling you what a bad person you are is lieing to you, just as that same person telling you to drink to make things better is lieing to you. Don't buy into it. Merry Christmas. John
I don't know if this relates to you, but I was constantly told as a child that I had no value. Nothing I did seemed to be good enough. As a child, I always wanted to please others to get them to like me and see me as somebody with worth. Never worked. I carried that with me as an adult. All I was doing was continue the abuse I endured as a child. The people that did this to me were gone, but I kept them alive in my head.
Maybe it was because of the therapy I've had or I just got tired of treating myself like that when I knew different, but things slowly changed for me. I still struggle with it sometimes and most of the times I go back to drinking now usually has something to do with it.
I take time nowadays to think back at the many things I have accomplished in the past and the good things I have done today. I also think about the many struggles I have had and the strength it took to get through them. These things helps me see myself in a different way.
Sorry for such a long post, but your situation really touched me. I hope what I shared helps you a little. That little person in your head that's telling you what a bad person you are is lieing to you, just as that same person telling you to drink to make things better is lieing to you. Don't buy into it. Merry Christmas. John
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