Do I accept alcoholism is a disease? Yes and no.
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Do I accept alcoholism is a disease? Yes and no.
First off, let me say that I am brand-new to codependency recovery. I understand in my head and am working on in my heart that I cannot control my AH's behavior or anyone else.
I do accept alcoholism/addiction as a disease. Somewhere I read that part of alcoholism could be rooted in an allergic reaction to alcohol that causes the deep cravings. But here's my sticking point. After an alcoholic comes to a point where they know their drinking is causing big issues in their relationships with friends/family and in their marriage, they admit they have an alcohol problem or they're an alcoholic, but they don't do anything about it or don't seek recovery, to me at the point I'm at right now it seems like a moral failing. It sounds harsh, but hear me out: If you're a diabetic and you refuse to take the meds you need to regulate your blood sugar and it results in illness, hospitalizations, hardship on your family, is it the disease's fault or yours? Saying it's a disease to me is kind of like a dispensation. "Oh, you have a disease. Poor baby." Well, yeah, you do have a disease. Now that you have the diagnosis, do your part. Oh, you're bipolar, that's why you act the way you do? Good to know. Now take your damn meds.
However I'm getting the picture that the not doing anything about the disease is part of the disease, and that's what I have trouble accepting. Maybe it's how I'm looking at it. As I say, I'm brand-spanking-new to codependence recovery. I don't think I can make my AH do anything about his issues, but I am beyond tired of them.
I do accept alcoholism/addiction as a disease. Somewhere I read that part of alcoholism could be rooted in an allergic reaction to alcohol that causes the deep cravings. But here's my sticking point. After an alcoholic comes to a point where they know their drinking is causing big issues in their relationships with friends/family and in their marriage, they admit they have an alcohol problem or they're an alcoholic, but they don't do anything about it or don't seek recovery, to me at the point I'm at right now it seems like a moral failing. It sounds harsh, but hear me out: If you're a diabetic and you refuse to take the meds you need to regulate your blood sugar and it results in illness, hospitalizations, hardship on your family, is it the disease's fault or yours? Saying it's a disease to me is kind of like a dispensation. "Oh, you have a disease. Poor baby." Well, yeah, you do have a disease. Now that you have the diagnosis, do your part. Oh, you're bipolar, that's why you act the way you do? Good to know. Now take your damn meds.
However I'm getting the picture that the not doing anything about the disease is part of the disease, and that's what I have trouble accepting. Maybe it's how I'm looking at it. As I say, I'm brand-spanking-new to codependence recovery. I don't think I can make my AH do anything about his issues, but I am beyond tired of them.
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Yeah, it's a lot to wrap your head around. I am an alcoholic in recovery myself and it was a lot to wrap my head around, and I was living it.
Here is a thread from the Alcoholism forum here. I think it describes a lot of the process. "Under the Influence" is a book written by people in the professional recovery/rehab/research community.
Link:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Here is a thread from the Alcoholism forum here. I think it describes a lot of the process. "Under the Influence" is a book written by people in the professional recovery/rehab/research community.
Link:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
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It's something that people talk about a lot, Branch.
I finally left it in my mind that it is a disease AND a choice.
I've taught it this way to my DS too as he needs to know he might react differently to alcohol than his friends. 'Harmless experimenting' for him could fire up a genetic predisposition.
Women who are high risk for breast cancer choose to get double mastectomies. So people make tough choices for pre-dispositions every day with their family history and live with the consequences of their choices.
Peace to you!
I finally left it in my mind that it is a disease AND a choice.
I've taught it this way to my DS too as he needs to know he might react differently to alcohol than his friends. 'Harmless experimenting' for him could fire up a genetic predisposition.
Women who are high risk for breast cancer choose to get double mastectomies. So people make tough choices for pre-dispositions every day with their family history and live with the consequences of their choices.
Peace to you!
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Hi, Branches! You hit the proverbial nail here lol!
I, too, struggle with the nagging thought in my head that he knows it's a problem, even to the point of attending AA, but he still CHOOSES every single day to buy that bottle and then to drink it. He CHOOSES it over me every night.
I don't have a lot of support or experience to offer except to say you're not the only one who can't get their head around this - I'm right there with you :/
I, too, struggle with the nagging thought in my head that he knows it's a problem, even to the point of attending AA, but he still CHOOSES every single day to buy that bottle and then to drink it. He CHOOSES it over me every night.
I don't have a lot of support or experience to offer except to say you're not the only one who can't get their head around this - I'm right there with you :/
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Thank you, everyone, for your replies.
I am currently nose-deep in Codependent No More. Wow. This book is like the light at the end of a long tunnel. It has helped me understand why I've been drawn to the men I have been involved with, married to, despite not having an alcoholic mother or father, and it's given me a real shot in the arm to claim my life back. One of her best quotes is "Telling an alcoholic that if they love you they won't drink is like telling someone with pneumonia that if they love you they won't cough." I'm beginning to get it.
Merry Christmas, everyone!
I am currently nose-deep in Codependent No More. Wow. This book is like the light at the end of a long tunnel. It has helped me understand why I've been drawn to the men I have been involved with, married to, despite not having an alcoholic mother or father, and it's given me a real shot in the arm to claim my life back. One of her best quotes is "Telling an alcoholic that if they love you they won't drink is like telling someone with pneumonia that if they love you they won't cough." I'm beginning to get it.
Merry Christmas, everyone!
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Originally Posted by biminiblue 
Yeah, it's a lot to wrap your head around. I am an alcoholic in recovery myself and it was a lot to wrap my head around, and I was living it.
Here is a thread from the Alcoholism forum here. I think it describes a lot of the process. "Under the Influence" is a book written by people in the professional recovery/rehab/research community.
Link:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
Here is a thread from the Alcoholism forum here. I think it describes a lot of the process. "Under the Influence" is a book written by people in the professional recovery/rehab/research community.
Link:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html
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So are you asking for yourself? Like are you the alcoholic? Or are you asking for you're partner? I don't understand, I'm alcoholic I don't drink, so am I doing it wrong? Cause I don't do much more apart from not drink, I'm autistic and personality disorders too and I know that but I've got very little on place for those and it's not for lack of trying to get help and advice, but I'm as powerless over my autism as I am alcohol after I've taken the 1st drink, so am I out of order for having autistic meltdowns? It's not like I haven't asked for help from mental health team etc, I hardly ever come on here either but it's easier for me on here than group therapy like aa for example.
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