KidsEverywhere

One of the reasons I gave up the booze (or made an attempt) was because I was concerned about the long term effects on my health. I went about 5 weeks without drinking at all from early October- mid November. But I have drank 5-6 times since mid November. Haven't drank more than four beers/ drinks on any of those occassions and nothing at all since Saturday the 12th. I have been eating good (although more). I feel bad that I broke my streak and have drank a few times, but I feel really good physically (although I put on about 8 pounds) and looks forward to hearing what the dr says and what my bloodwork looks like.

ScottFromWI

Good luck at the Doc, that's a good step forward. Perhaps you should discuss your drinking at that time too and see if they have any good advice to share.

Do you have any plans to address your recent drinking? Drinking less or less often is an improvement of course, but it's still drinking. Have you been working a plan or following any recovery method since that time?

Fly N Buy

Glad to hear you're going to the doctor - that's really important to get a baseline from which we can start our physical recovery.

Alcohol is technically a food containing a lot of calories. But, those calories are not nutrient rich containing no vitamins, minerals or proteins. We feel full but for the wrong reasons. Might ask doc about some supplements during recovery to help jump start!

Good job on 10 days! Keep it up - you'll be glad you did.

Soberwolf

Good luck at the Dr congrats on day 10 already double digits again

Anna

I'm glad you're going to the dr and I hope you get lots of good news. The slips you've had are a symptom though, and it looks like you need to add something to your recovery program in order to avoid them.

KidsEverywhere

To be honest. I haven't been working a plan. Except the dangerous committment to not drink for no good reason, don't drink more than a few, and to be vigilant about it. The times I've drank since November have been around going out to dinner, a ball game, etc. the kinds of things "normal" people drink around. While I've kept my drinking like a normal person. I am not normal because I have to be very aware of the event and the amount I am drinking. It is funny because a couple of weeks ago, we were at a nice restaurant and three of us shared a bottle of wine. After dinner, they looked at me like I was crazy for not ordering one of the awesome looking desserts everyone was having. I was thinking- I'd rather have another drink than a piece of cheesecake. Lol.
I really need to recommit my efforts- the bad thing is I have done a good job in the last couple of months of going five weeks with nothing to drink and then the past five weeks of being very reasonable with my drinking. I feel good physically- my wife has been happy, etc. I know it is a dangerous and slippery slope. But it strengthens my AV when I successfully moderate and control things pretty well.
I need to just quit and be done with it- if moderating my drinking is successful- then why not just quit flirting with the damn devil- this alone proves I am an alcoholic.

Vona71

Hi, KidsEverywhere. Good luck at the doctors!

I understand this feeling about moderation. I keep thinking that I can start again; have only a couple at dinner or out with friends. I think this every single day since I quit. And perhaps, for a while, that will work, but I know, I truly know, that eventually I will be back to where I was before, drinking almost everyday.

I want to say that we are all different, but then again, we are all addicts too. Dancing with the devil never turns out well for anyone, no matter the circumstance.

ScottFromWI

I think you have your answer right there. What's stopping you from making a plan?

KidsEverywhere

I think what is stopping me from getting serious about a plan is I want to leave to door open to be able to still drink some. I haven't really come close to a rock bottom or even any bad consequences from my drinking. I was sneaking liquor sips in my garage so my wife didn't know before I stopped in October. But quitting/ cutting back was really more that I knew I couldn't go though life drinking even moderately every single night after work and maintain good health. Nice problem to have most might say, but I don't want to dance with the devil until something bad does happen but I'm stubborn and want to leave the door cracked that would allow me to drink occasionally. It is stupid.
If I was 400 pounds, it would be easy to tell myself to eat better and avoid dessert. But I still seem to want to flirt with the alcohol when I know it can lead be down the wrong path of bad health and other issues.

Anna

One thing I know for sure is that you need a firm commitment to yourself if you want to succeed in stopping drinking and recovering. If you want to keep the door open to drinking in the future, then that is what will happen. And, to be honest, I don't think it's you being stubborn wanting to keep the door open a crack, I think it's your AV convincing you that you can handle it and your AV is not your friend.

Fly N Buy

Really> you think so ??? Addiction comes in many forms and sometimes rears is ugly head by drinking in the garage behind our loved ones backs.

The real issue is do you believe you're an alcoholic?

KidsEverywhere

You are exactly right Anna. It isn't any rational thought that is telling me to keep the door open to drinking. It is my AV "coaching me up" on how things have gone well in the last month and how I can therefore handle moderation. "Hey- you didn't drink a damn thing for five weeks and the last five weeks since, your wife, who doesn't really drink has drank more than you- you've handled it and you are fine" is what it is saying. My problem isn't that I get passed out drunk, my problem is I tend to find a reason to have 3-4 drinks on a Saturday. Then the next weekend, it'll be Friday- Sunday. Then the next week Thursday- Sunday. And Monday night football is on- so thursday- Monday. Then Tuesday is a tough day at work- so then it becomes everyday again. That is what I can't do and that is likely what will happen- maybe not this month or next, but at some point- I'll be back to near everyday. With the occasional day were I will even go past 3-4 drinks. It is a stupid train and I'm standing on the stupid track- don't know exactly how far away it is, but it is coming and I am standing here acting like I can push it aside if it comes- knowing that I can't.

KidsEverywhere

---
I'm sorry. I was not clear. I wasn't trying to minimize folks who struggle with eating disorders. My point was, I don't have an eating problem and i could
Logically react to an issue I had with eating because it is not an issue for me- unlike alcohol.
There is no doubt I'm an alcoholic. I was drinking everyday for no reason up until a couple of months ago. I hid it in the garage so my wife wouldn't know how much I was drinking. And I felt uneasy if there was not some alcohol in the house. I went to rehab about 7 years ago after a divorce when I started drinking too much. And now that I haven't been drinking, I still think about it a lot and I have to really keep myself in check whe I do drink to stop at 3 and to not drink again for a while. It is a battle. I don't battle food or any other thing like this.

MelindaFlowers

I found moderating to be harder than abstinence. I was itching for more when I had to cut myself off. It intensified my craving for the next time I could drink alone. Then I'd make up for the moderation by binging.

Oh gosh moderation was a disaster that on,y lasted a day or two.

I had to obliterate any thoughts or questions of future drinking to make sobriety work. ANY and all.

doggonecarl

Having read the posts you made after your initial ones, and your inability to commit to lifelong sobriety, I'm wondering what you'll think if the results come back good? Will you be thinking, "I overreacted about being an alcoholic. My liver is fine, my health is good. I don't have to quit drinking." ?

least

I too found it easier to stop drinking altogether than to try to moderate. My goal in drinking was always to get numb, and just having one or two glasses of wine was torture to me.

KidsEverywhere

It is like standing on the edge of a strait down ski slope with your skis on. It is all under control until you go.
Everyone here is right. I'm gonna double down my efforts- already got 10 days under my belt. Why ruin it. I'll have the kids starting tomorrow through New Years weekend which will put me just a week away from another 30 days. New Years is no problem. We have the kids and don't go out for
New Years anymore.
I'll get my bloodwork back by then from my physical today and be ready to start the new year off right.

KidsEverywhere

-----
This is probably what I need to watch out for the most. I know I'm an alcoholic. But what I really have to be careful about is getting that clean bill of health. (And I expect I will, last year my liver numbers were on the high side of normal and I was drinking about every day then). My BP is 115/82. I'm 5'10 177 at the office today.
I am really going to have to be careful that I don't let good news from the dr become an "all clear" for my drinking. Because my health was the root of my concern for why I quit drinking everyday back in early October.

Dee74

It's funny how the goalposts move tho, isn't it?

I can remember back to a time when sneaking sips out the garage so my wife didn't know would be unthinkable...and then somehow, somewhere it moved to be 'ok'.

The more years we drink, the more we move those goalposts.

This is a progressive condition and I believe very strongly that the condition will progress for anyone who drinks like we do.

I have a great life now...but I had to give up dreams of moderating my drinking to attain it.

To me, now, that's a laughably small price to pay

D

Fly N Buy

For real alcoholics there is no keeping oneself in check - that is folly and eventually blows up. It is a progressive and often deadly disease. I hope the doc say all is good , but that was one thing that kept me drinking for very long time. Over 35 years - My tests were not ok, they were very good - amazingly enough. I felt awful but passed all tests yearly.


I am reading a book you might want to check out. I found it very enlightening. It is written from the physiological standpoint of alcoholism - how the alcoholic processes alcohol differently than non-alcoholics.

The book is entitled Under the Influence - there is an old thread here with some discussion and excerpts. Explained a lot for me.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

"The alcoholic appears to be using alcohol to solve his problems. His drinking appears to be an effort to drown his depression, forget work or marriage difficulties, obliterate loneliness and insecurities, and ease mounting tensions."

"The reality, however, is very different from the appearance. In reality, an abnormal physiological reaction is causing the alcoholic's increasing psychological and emotional problems. Something has gone wrong inside."