JohnQPublic

Hey everyone, I wanted to tell some of my story just see if it helps anyone. I am a 40 yr old W M and I am/was a Substance Abuse Therapist for over ten years. I didn't choose addiction as a specialty but kind of fell into it but discovered I like helping this underserved population. I have worked inpatient, outpatient, private, and court related addiction therapies. I learned, in an academic sense, about all was commonly understood about addiction and delved deeply as I could into AA NA CA GA ect. knowledge as I could as an outsider. I can say I think I was good at my job. I know I loved people unconditionally and did my best and to this day I get anonymous yearly chips sent to me in the mail. Then my life changed dramatically. I was in three car accidents spaced 6 months, 8 months and 9 months apart. I was hurt each time, did hospital and physical rehab stuff. Of course I had to stop working during all this and I could no longer run or exercise like I used to. The sedentary lifestyle helped usher in the genetic predisposition I had to diabetes. So despite my life as a therapist, a loving supportive family, and all other positive stuff I crawled into a bottle for the next 5 years or so. I stayed drunk or using pretty much all the time I could get away with. Of course because of my towering intellect and education I couldn't be an addict alcoholic. Hell, I helped other people, not me. I published papers about addiction. But I was woefully wrong. I am a recovering addict with currently only a short time sober. I have been wrestling with my powerlessness for about 4 years now. I know what I am, I have admitted it before a God of my understanding and admitted I cant "do it" alone yet I struggle. On a daily basis I struggle. Yet despite having all but memorized the big book and having lectures that I could give on almost any chapter or coping skill you can come up with I am still just like everyone else who suffers from this disease. I don't know if it was circumstance, fate, higher powers, or something else that brought me here but for all that I know it has done me no good trying to cope on my own. I cant do it alone. So I am looking for help, hope, and experience from others. I am glad that I have been so humbled in a way. I thought that being forewarned meant I was immune. Silly man. I share this because I want anyone reading to understand that this disease can strike anyone. None of us are immune and I really don't think it is possible to be in recovery without help. I have a new technique that I use, that came from lots of you, that whenever I want to use I come here. I post, support, or how I am feeling, or whatever. I am hopeful. I have had some decent sober time these last few years but it just lulled me into complacency to think I no longer needed help. I want those days to be over. Thanks for letting me share and thanks for being there for me. This site is a Godsend.

Anna

I'm glad you're feeling positive about your recovery. I don't think any of us here set out to become alcohol, and I was shocked when I found I couldn't stop drinking when I decided to. You have found a good place for support.

learningagain

Welcome .

I think it is important to view it as an illness, and one we are likely genetically predisposed too - so like any illness, given the right circumstances, anyone is susceptible.

I am a nurse, and I know a lot of addicted nurses. I am studying for my MSN as a nurse practitioner, currently working in mental health. So, I "help" addicts all the time, yet I am one. I am currently on day 5. Both my parents are addicts. Only after my relationship broke down 3 years ago did I get lost in the bottle. I have stopped for a few weeks here and there, but I recognize the signs. I need to stop.

I look forward to watching your journey

Soberwolf

Nice post John

Jsbodhi

I was also shocked when I couldn't stop drinking when I decided to.

Thanks for the post OP xoxo

MythOfSisyphus

Well said, JQP! Addiction can strike anyone; it's remorseless and unsympathetic. But anyone can break the spell, too. It might take some time and some help but it can be done!

stevieg46

Hi John .
I finish most of my posts with the quote . ''The words are easy but the music is a lot harder ''.

You seem a very intelligent guy and you might have to leave all that to the side and simply remember '' Alcoholism is the great remover from the Kings on the throne to the laborers in the field Alcohol respects no person''.

Intelligence can be a huge obstacle as we cannot usually think or figure out or read up on alcoholism and find an answer.

Your answer is the same as everyone else '' stay away from the 1st drink for one day at a time '' do this for yourself try and get face to face meetings as often as you can and circumstances ''will improve '' .

Of all the people I have known the one that caused me the biggest problem was myself . Take care John keep in touch and ''keep it very simple ''.

Regards.

Stevie.

Sober 12 03 2006 .