Akell04

Hi Nicole,

I'm glad that you are here. You're in the right place for the support you need. We have all felt many of the same feelings that you are feeling, and we help each other get through the rough times and we share the good times. As for "normal" I am not sure that I even know what that is, but be assured that you are in the right place. Keep posting.

Kell

splendra

Nicole-

I understand how you feel with having blurry memories. I too am acoa. The thing is is that basically we have been abandoned by our parents and makes it hard for us to grow up in a normal way because we have so many gaps in our developmental needs..

It seems kinda harsh to realize that for the most part our parents neglected us and we have had to fill in the gaps as best as our young selves can. Probably you are more mature than some of your peers because you have had to fend for yourself. But I encourage you to find the part of you that needs to be nutured and acknowledge it and listen to her so that you can bring this part of yourself into balance. Sometimes we have to parent ourselves. That part of us usually just needs a hug or some encouraging words learn to hug yourself and be gentel with the abandoned child in you. I think it is so great that you are reaching out right now at your young age for support. Your boyfriend sounds really sweet. Keep posting we want to get to know you better.

rippin

Hi Hobocode,
I think my childhood was messed up too. I wish I couldn't remember it. I know I was molested by an old man next door when I was around 5 years old. The parent across the street from me used to expose himself when I played with his daughter. There were drugs and alcohol all around me.
Splendra, I feel like I was abandoned by my parents too. I am in the middle of so many siblings, I feel like I'm just another number. Why did my parents have so many kids when they couldn't take care of all of us. I don't ever plan on having kids and doing that to them. I'm really mad at my parents for this, but just stay away from all of them because there are drugs, alcohol, and mental illness there. I don't need any more of this kind of abuse. I'm really mad!
Jen

ah1979

hey there nicole. i totally understand where you are coming from. i am 25 and just started reading about acoa's about a week ago. i thought i was crazy for the longest time. i am a recovering alcoholic and have grown alot through aa. but i still felt like something was wrong. my family is always talking about things that i don't remember. good times and bad times. i used to write alot when i drank. i thought maybe whatever i was repressing would come out...but no luck there. i could never read the writing anyway, i just wanted to let you know that i understand. i have always felt like i had some kind of weird amnesia. i run into people all the time who approach me and talk to me about when we did this or that and i have no idea who they are or what they are talking about. i often wonder who i am and have a hard time figuring out what i think about things and what my beliefs are. it's like i don't really have an identity. i hope you find what you are looking for here. good luck to you