Lost friend
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Long Branch, NJ
Posts: 253
Lost friend
I haven't posted here in a long time. My life for the past few years has not been impacted by any alcoholics or substance abusers.
But once upon a time, I had a friend, a very good friend. I'd met her at work, and she was part of a group that went out to lunch on Friday paydays together back in the 80s. Going out to lunch meant a local pub. Problem was, she sometimes didn't go back to work. Her supervisors noticed and requested she go to the Employee Assistance Program. She quit her job that day, after 11 years. She quickly spiraled down, and those of us who were her friends at work figured we would hear one day that she had died.
Several years passed, and then I got a phone call one day out of the blue, a call I never thought I'd get. It was our old work friend. She had been sober for more than a year and wanted to meet for lunch. We met, and she and I exchanged numbers. We started to get together and hang out, and she was sober. She got a job, then a better job, then an apartment and a new car. When my marriage failed, she was there for me. We took trips together to the Caribbean, and we had some great times, laughing always. And she was sober.
She was sober for seven years when she was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma. I had her move in with my daughter and me while she went through chemotherapy. After months of treatment, the cancer was under control, though not cured--and she promptly began to drink again. She started going to meetings, but would show up at the meetings drunk. Eventually I had to ask her to leave my home, because my teenage daughter would come home from school to find the stove burners on and my friend passed out on the kitchen floor, or walking around covered with blood because she'd fallen and didn't realize she'd injured herself. I had to detach.
I saw her a few times after that, but she had just gotten worse. She went into 28-day rehabs at least four times that I can recall, but she would never last more than two weeks sober afterward. She had to take a slug of vodka upon awakening each morning or she would have a seizure. She would repeat the same sentences over and over a minute apart. Sometimes what came out of her mouth made no sense at all. I had in the meantime moved 60 miles away, and I blocked her number when I learned from others that she was trying to find me because she needed a place to stay.
Today I found out that she died a little more than a year ago at the age of 51. I don't know if it was the cancer or the alcoholism that got her in the end, and this is news I knew I would hear someday, but I just feel so incredibly sad. I remember that laughing, short little blonde with whom I had such good times when the demon didn't have her in its grasp, and I hope that if there is an Other Side, she has found the peace that so eluded her here on earth.
But once upon a time, I had a friend, a very good friend. I'd met her at work, and she was part of a group that went out to lunch on Friday paydays together back in the 80s. Going out to lunch meant a local pub. Problem was, she sometimes didn't go back to work. Her supervisors noticed and requested she go to the Employee Assistance Program. She quit her job that day, after 11 years. She quickly spiraled down, and those of us who were her friends at work figured we would hear one day that she had died.
Several years passed, and then I got a phone call one day out of the blue, a call I never thought I'd get. It was our old work friend. She had been sober for more than a year and wanted to meet for lunch. We met, and she and I exchanged numbers. We started to get together and hang out, and she was sober. She got a job, then a better job, then an apartment and a new car. When my marriage failed, she was there for me. We took trips together to the Caribbean, and we had some great times, laughing always. And she was sober.
She was sober for seven years when she was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma. I had her move in with my daughter and me while she went through chemotherapy. After months of treatment, the cancer was under control, though not cured--and she promptly began to drink again. She started going to meetings, but would show up at the meetings drunk. Eventually I had to ask her to leave my home, because my teenage daughter would come home from school to find the stove burners on and my friend passed out on the kitchen floor, or walking around covered with blood because she'd fallen and didn't realize she'd injured herself. I had to detach.
I saw her a few times after that, but she had just gotten worse. She went into 28-day rehabs at least four times that I can recall, but she would never last more than two weeks sober afterward. She had to take a slug of vodka upon awakening each morning or she would have a seizure. She would repeat the same sentences over and over a minute apart. Sometimes what came out of her mouth made no sense at all. I had in the meantime moved 60 miles away, and I blocked her number when I learned from others that she was trying to find me because she needed a place to stay.
Today I found out that she died a little more than a year ago at the age of 51. I don't know if it was the cancer or the alcoholism that got her in the end, and this is news I knew I would hear someday, but I just feel so incredibly sad. I remember that laughing, short little blonde with whom I had such good times when the demon didn't have her in its grasp, and I hope that if there is an Other Side, she has found the peace that so eluded her here on earth.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I'm so sorry, too. I'm glad you and your friend had some happy times together--it sounds like you were a very good friend to her.
Some truly amazing people are lost to addiction.
Hugs,
Some truly amazing people are lost to addiction.
Hugs,
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Long Branch, NJ
Posts: 253
Thanks for the kind words, folks. Mulling over the good memories today, and as much of a cliche as it sounds, I am truly relieved that she is not out there somewhere suffering anymore.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
So sorry for the loss of your friend. I'm glad you had some good times to remember, but it's so sad that her addiction reclaimed her in the end.
What is it the A's say? "While you're in a meeting, your disease is out in the hall, doing pushups..." Guess that might be true.
What is it the A's say? "While you're in a meeting, your disease is out in the hall, doing pushups..." Guess that might be true.
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