Feeling like a loser in early recovery
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 46
Feeling like a loser in early recovery
I have three and a half months sober. 
This is the longest I've ever been sober in my adult life. I went to a 28 day rehab back in September and transitioned into a six month program halfway house in October. People who knew me when I was drinking can see the difference in me and say I look much better. Afterall, I wasn't eating at all when I was drinking and I was going on benders for days and days. I gained 20 needed pounds in rehab and it feels good to wake up healthy and sober every morning with no panic attacks, shakes or cringing from the dangerous day/night before. I'm still living in the halfway house, I have a home group and a sponsor and go to meetings daily.
Even though I'm doing much better than I was before, my head is extra self-critical of myself in this post drunk semi-clarity. I know realize that I'm 32 years old going on 33, and have never had a job making over $10 an hour, never had a career, never paid rent and lived on my own and never even had a girlfriend.
I wasn't a winner by any stretch when I was drinking. This is why it was an easy decision in saying my life was unmanageable after drying out in rehab for a few weeks. It's pretty depressing. I have no marketable skills, I don't even know about how to go about finding a job, have confidence and haven't talked to a woman sober in probably over ten years. I know these things will sort themselves out the longer I stay sober, but I am prone to being lazy and complacent. After three months at the halfway house, you are expected to have a job or be in school. Three guys in the house work at an electric company which is known to hire recovering alcoholics and addicts. But my self-esteem is so low, I don't know if I could do that line of work. I have a bachelor's degree in graphic design after graduating college about six years ago, but I never got a job in my field. Drinking was my career and now I've decided to retire from the field at the ripe old age of 32. Now the real work begins. 
This is the longest I've ever been sober in my adult life. I went to a 28 day rehab back in September and transitioned into a six month program halfway house in October. People who knew me when I was drinking can see the difference in me and say I look much better. Afterall, I wasn't eating at all when I was drinking and I was going on benders for days and days. I gained 20 needed pounds in rehab and it feels good to wake up healthy and sober every morning with no panic attacks, shakes or cringing from the dangerous day/night before. I'm still living in the halfway house, I have a home group and a sponsor and go to meetings daily. Even though I'm doing much better than I was before, my head is extra self-critical of myself in this post drunk semi-clarity. I know realize that I'm 32 years old going on 33, and have never had a job making over $10 an hour, never had a career, never paid rent and lived on my own and never even had a girlfriend.
I wasn't a winner by any stretch when I was drinking. This is why it was an easy decision in saying my life was unmanageable after drying out in rehab for a few weeks. It's pretty depressing. I have no marketable skills, I don't even know about how to go about finding a job, have confidence and haven't talked to a woman sober in probably over ten years. I know these things will sort themselves out the longer I stay sober, but I am prone to being lazy and complacent. After three months at the halfway house, you are expected to have a job or be in school. Three guys in the house work at an electric company which is known to hire recovering alcoholics and addicts. But my self-esteem is so low, I don't know if I could do that line of work. I have a bachelor's degree in graphic design after graduating college about six years ago, but I never got a job in my field. Drinking was my career and now I've decided to retire from the field at the ripe old age of 32. Now the real work begins. 
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
You may think you are old but to me you are still young as I am over 50. Regarding no girlfriend this can be looked at as a glass half full too. No dysfunctional x wife and children who have lots of problems to deal with. Stay sober and figure out some job skills. There are a lot of women who are in their 30s looking for a decent guy. Good luck 😊
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 1,355
Do you not want to do any work in graphic design? Im sure you could always get a really entry level position doing something in that field just to get your foot in the door.
If not, then might look into some classes at a community college?
If not, then might look into some classes at a community college?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
Hi Stryfe - some great ideas here 
It can be quite overwhelming to start rebuilding a sober life...but IMO thats no reason to succumb to inertia - that was part of our old life, not the new one
If your self esteem is paralysing you, maybe consider some counselling?
think about the things you want and then pick the easiest targets first...work from there
It was quite a learning curve for me...but I learned quickly I'm sure you will too
It can be quite overwhelming to start rebuilding a sober life...but IMO thats no reason to succumb to inertia - that was part of our old life, not the new one
If your self esteem is paralysing you, maybe consider some counselling?
think about the things you want and then pick the easiest targets first...work from there
It was quite a learning curve for me...but I learned quickly I'm sure you will too
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Australia
Posts: 323
Hang in there Stryfe
I often think this way then get down on myself, but I think that at least sober, im a lot more equipped to build a new life than if I was drinking.
Try and focus on what you have rather than what you don't.
Congrats on staying sober and commiting to a program, you can have a good life.
I often think this way then get down on myself, but I think that at least sober, im a lot more equipped to build a new life than if I was drinking.
Try and focus on what you have rather than what you don't.
Congrats on staying sober and commiting to a program, you can have a good life.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
Please don't allow yourself to feel bad because of what you've gone through. You have survived and come out the other side. You are sober and healthy and educated. There is no reason why you can't get a job in the graphic design field if you choose.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 295
Three and a half months sober, awesome
I feel like society puts pressure on everyone to accomplish so much--Must have a great relationship, own a big house, have lots of great friends, have your dream career, on and on. It makes a lot of decent people feel like failures, for having setbacks and problems that real life gives us all.
Why would it be too late to start over? A lot of people change careers later in life because they aren't happy with what they were doing before.
I feel like society puts pressure on everyone to accomplish so much--Must have a great relationship, own a big house, have lots of great friends, have your dream career, on and on. It makes a lot of decent people feel like failures, for having setbacks and problems that real life gives us all.
Why would it be too late to start over? A lot of people change careers later in life because they aren't happy with what they were doing before.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: illinois
Posts: 907
Remember, just having a bachelors is worth something. Even outside of graphic design. There are some lines of employment that just want to see you completed it.
Maybe since you see yourself at square one you could frame this as your chance to do what you want, working your way towards a field that really interests you. Your stated age does not put you in the "old" box yet. -also, you have no dependents, and your sober and healthy. GO FOR IT!
Maybe since you see yourself at square one you could frame this as your chance to do what you want, working your way towards a field that really interests you. Your stated age does not put you in the "old" box yet. -also, you have no dependents, and your sober and healthy. GO FOR IT!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Athens, GA
Posts: 737
Styfe hang in there! I'm 33 and I see a long hard road ahead of me to reach my full potential as well. However, we have already begun our journey by getting sober and now we just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and doing the next right thing.
Someday these difficult times will only be a memory that will fill us with pride and gratitude.
Someday these difficult times will only be a memory that will fill us with pride and gratitude.
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Graphic design is an ideal skill set to have in this kind of situation... you can make yourself a portfolio and try freelancing. You won't make much money at first but it can be a way to establish yourself and get yourself in the door.
Let me know if you need advice about this. I'm a writer/content strategist/editor and I'm trying to rehab my career through freelancing. So far it's going pretty well and I'm happy to share what I've learned.
Let me know if you need advice about this. I'm a writer/content strategist/editor and I'm trying to rehab my career through freelancing. So far it's going pretty well and I'm happy to share what I've learned.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,697
Pic borrowed from Soberwolf.
I am 32. Its a great time to reboot. Life is tough coping with sober but at least you have one less problem (drinking) now. You can find a solution and look for a job. Practice interviewing, create a resume, and learn some new skills.
Be proud. You are making progress everyday sober.
Be grateful that you are free from slavery. I wish you well.
I am 32. Its a great time to reboot. Life is tough coping with sober but at least you have one less problem (drinking) now. You can find a solution and look for a job. Practice interviewing, create a resume, and learn some new skills.
Be proud. You are making progress everyday sober.
Be grateful that you are free from slavery. I wish you well.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
Hiya, I know a lot of people earning a lot of money that could not do what you are doing. What you have achieved in these past months has required incredible fortitude. Trust me, you are no loser. Make sure to stay dry and you have a great shot at life.
I think you should back a little and answer the following two questions:
1) what am I good at? Everyone has unique skills and strengths. What are yours? If you don't know or haven't thought about it then you have a lot of company. Use your sobriety to better understand your strengths and weaknesses (of the sober, real, version) a little better
2) what jobs would I like to do, what seems really interesting? Walk around, open your eyes, look for things that you might be interested in. You don't have to be able to be qualified to do them right now.
My guess is that after a month of dwelling on this a direction and plan will start to emerge. You are only a young guy. You have 30-40 years of working ahead of you. That's tons of time. But try not to waste anymore. Give yourself a plan, give yourself a chance. Good luck.
I think you should back a little and answer the following two questions:
1) what am I good at? Everyone has unique skills and strengths. What are yours? If you don't know or haven't thought about it then you have a lot of company. Use your sobriety to better understand your strengths and weaknesses (of the sober, real, version) a little better
2) what jobs would I like to do, what seems really interesting? Walk around, open your eyes, look for things that you might be interested in. You don't have to be able to be qualified to do them right now.
My guess is that after a month of dwelling on this a direction and plan will start to emerge. You are only a young guy. You have 30-40 years of working ahead of you. That's tons of time. But try not to waste anymore. Give yourself a plan, give yourself a chance. Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
Originally Posted by Stryfe 
I have three and a half months sober.
This is the longest I've ever been sober in my adult life. People who knew me when I was drinking can see the difference in me and say I look much better.
I gained 20 needed pounds in rehab and it feels good to wake up healthy and sober every morning
I have a home group and a sponsor and go to meetings daily.
I have a bachelor's degree in graphic design
Congratulations on all of the above..... WINNER!!!!!
Keep it up.
It gets better and better and better.....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upper Midwest
Posts: 1,730
You have a college degree. You are healthy, sober and insightful. You are a very good writer, judging by your post.
You are better, smarter and much more capable than you think. Why not take a chance on yourself? What do you have to lose?
Good luck. I hope you post again and let us know how you are doing.
You are better, smarter and much more capable than you think. Why not take a chance on yourself? What do you have to lose?
Good luck. I hope you post again and let us know how you are doing.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Dallas Texas
Posts: 579
Being sober is a marketable skill- bachelors degree and a young man. If you add dependable to it you would be the kind of employee anyone looks for. Only look back at the wreckage when you want to remember what alcohol does. Life is funny, money comes and goes. Opportunity comes around from some strange places.
I was 45 with a broke down truck and not a pot to pee in. Then 9/11 and a war in Iraq. I was desperate for a job. Six years as a contractor reversed my fortunes.
Stay sober it will open your mind to opportunities. You are going to do just fine.
I was 45 with a broke down truck and not a pot to pee in. Then 9/11 and a war in Iraq. I was desperate for a job. Six years as a contractor reversed my fortunes.
Stay sober it will open your mind to opportunities. You are going to do just fine.
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