SorroW22

Hi everyone. I have posted the same message in different forums in hopes of getting helpful advice. Im new here and in desperate need of guidance and advice. Ive been married for 5 years. My husband was my childhood love since middle school, but we never dated until 7 years ago then married. We have 2 daughters The past 2 years have been tough- we have a lot of trouble- he has terrible anger issues and I have a terrible problem with shutting down emotionally. Fast forward to a year ago- he was arrested in front of me and toddler daughter for possession of meth.............. I stayed. He PROMISED to never touch it again .....I stayed. Over months he would stay at work around the clock, WHEN he came home it was a war zone- constant fighting......I stayed. I asked so many times and he always denied using. Finally, within the last 2 months I kicked him out 3 times because of his treatment to me ( *****, ******, evil, devil, f#%^ you, etc....) yes, these were said to me in front of my kids. Aside from the complete insanity level of his paranoia. This time, I stood my ground. His family and mine have helped me- help him in finding a rehab. He had the opportunity 3 days ago to leave but insisted he stay until Christmas so he could be with the kids that morning. I disagreed- only worried that these next 2 weeks will be so hard for him. I was proven right- he has since used at least once so far, but he promises he will leave after Christmas. He sends me messages saying " you made my life miserable and unbearable....... I am complete without you......... I don't even want to be your friend.....". I've never been so hurt. So, my question is- HOW or what is the wife side of this situation handled once he is away in rehab??????? I'm so torn. Has anyone ever been in this that can relate?

Morning Glory

First you have to wait and see if he ever makes it to rehab. They will say they will go and then suddenly back out.

Some rehabs have a family program. I went to one with my son. It gave us all a chance to say everything we needed to say in a safe environment. We met once a week in a group with other families.

2 of the other programs he was in did not have a family program. Just visitation. Rehab and treatment are good and they gain information, but they don't always stop using. My son drank the first day out of one and drank during his 18 month program before he left it.

With that said you don't know what he will do so establishing boundaries of what you will tolerate for you and your children would be a good start. Keep yourself and your children safe from emotional abuse and the stress of domestic violence which includes emotional abuse. Your children can't protect themselves so you'll have to jump in and protect them. That is not easy when you are hurting emotionally and still involved emotionally. You need lots of support and people who will help you see reality as it is and not what you hope for. A lot of times we live in hope and are in denial of the reality of the situation. Hope is not real. It's something we want to be real. Since it's not real we can't live there.