SorroW22

Hi everyone. Im new here and in desperate need of guidance and advice. Ive been married for 5 years. My husband was my childhood love since middle school, but we never dated until 7 years ago then married. We have 2 daughters The past 2 years have been tough- we have a lot of trouble- he has terrible anger issues and I have a terrible problem with shutting down emotionally. Fast forward to a year ago- he was arrested in front of me and toddler daughter for possession of meth.............. I stayed. He PROMISED to never touch it again .....I stayed. Over months he would stay at work around the clock, WHEN he came home it was a war zone- constant fighting......I stayed. I asked so many times and he always denied using. Finally, within the last 2 months I kicked him out 3 times because of his treatment to me ( *****, ******, evil, devil, f#%^ you, etc....) yes, these were said to me in front of my kids. Aside from the complete insanity level of his paranoia. This time, I stood my ground. His family and mine have helped me- help him in finding a rehab. He had the opportunity 3 days ago to leave but insisted he stay until Christmas so he could be with the kids that morning. I disagreed- only worried that these next 2 weeks will be so hard for him. I was proven right- he has since used at least once so far, but he promises he will leave after Christmas. He sends me messages saying " you made my life miserable and unbearable....... I am complete without you......... I don't even want to be your friend.....". I've never been so hurt. So, my question is- HOW or what is the wife side of this situation handled once he is away in rehab??????? I'm so torn. Has anyone ever been in this that can relate?

Iwishonstars777

I'm sorry to hear what brings you here. Our stories sound similar. 5 years, 2 girls, the past 2 years..mine has been almost 5. My husband doc was heroin however meth was also invovled. I also threatens him. Kicked him out, instead I left. Didn't last. I tried to help get him to detox. Each time he went he told me the whole way he hated me for not letting him use that one last time. As much as that hurt, I knew he was going to be ok in a fee days and he may still have hated me but he was clean. It wasn't until recently when I lost my job which meant he lost his money for h. He almost had no other choice, and he still tells me he hated that I didn't let him use one last time before going to detox. But he did and as soon as he got out of detox, he called this guy from detox that spoke to sponsor him. HUGE STEP! He told me a halfway house was the best decision for him if he wanted to remain clean, because really, unless you actually have 1,000s laying around, it's hard for an addict or the spouse of an addict to afford rehab. He actually went through with it and it was really tough, however him not being at home was a relief knowing he was supposed to be at a halfway house starting a program. Learning more about the halfway house, I realized he really could do whatever he wanted there. Which worried me a lot. He ended up using while there...completely fooling me telling me he had to go tell one of his old dealers someone from detox he ran into at the halfway house said her boyfriend died from an od. What a far fetched story. Come to find out it was faker than fake. Go figure. Just when I was giving him the benefit of the doubt. I have to tell myself a lot of the times that what comes out of his mouth is not him. It is the drugs or disease speaking. You are a threat to him. Does that make sense? By no means am I condoning his behavior towards you or that of in front of your daughter. I've been there as well. My husband wasn't arrested but my daughter witnessed verbal abuse I don't wish upon anyone. I've heard it before too..."I promise I'll go after christmas"...mine was I'll promise to go after halloween so I can be there to take the kids trick or treating. I gave in and the day after halloween, he went. I drive him to detox...after that, it was up to him. I seriously thought he would be home after...just like all the other times. He chose to do the halfway house. So maybe, just maybe, he really is going to keep his promise and go after Christmas? I had to keep having faith in him even after everything we had been through. What kind of rehab is it? And does he have a plan after rehab? Had he thought about A.A.? And for you my dear, get yourself to an Al-Anon meeting as soon as possible or atleast google it and see if it is something you would be interested in. I wish I wouldn't have waited for my husband to start A.A. to go to Al-Anon. While he is gone, you need to take care of yourself. You need to mentally, emotionally, and physically. Stay strong. Keep yourself busy with family and friends. Take this time to take care of yourself. I should have been there years ago. Know that you are not alone. I can't tell you to shut him out and leave him or to stay with him and support him through rehab if he follows through with it. That's the hardest thing I've come to terms with is having to find the answers on my own when really, I just wanted someone else to give me the answers. I hope this helps you in any way. Keep your head up and keep positive girl.

AnvilheadII

only worried that these next 2 weeks will be so hard for him.

so hard for HIM??? what about YOU? and perhaps even more importantly, because they are completely vulnerable and have NO choice, what about the CHILDREN?

Finally, within the last 2 months I kicked him out 3 times because of his treatment to me ( *****, ******, evil, devil, f#%^ you, etc....) yes, these were said to me in front of my kids.

myfreedom

My husband of 15 yrs has turned into a stone cold man toward me and our two children in the last 4 months because of meth. He too, stays at work 24/7. This morning is the first I have seen him in a week. He does not come home at all unless during the day when everyone is gone to get a shower and grab clean clothes. It kills me to see him this way but there is nothing I can do. My kids are suffering and he doesn't see it and just doesn't care about anything. He pays no bills, I lost my car, he has not contributed anything to Christmas, hell I don't even know if he will show up. My daughter who is 13 now thinks of him as a loser and he does not deserve us. It is so sad, and my experience, METH IS THE WORST DRUG OUT THERE!!!!!!!

Iwishonstars777

My freedom. I agree. Between meth and heroin, they are the worst ever! I had similar but different feelings towards each. Oh the nightmares!

AnonWife

I suggest you contact the rehab and ask if they will have anything for you and him together. Most will have family sessions, suggest you set guidelines for behavior when he comes home, maybe even suggest marriage counseling.

Im trying out the family program at Smart Recovery right now, so far I like it. I just went to an online meeting where they discussed setting limits and our own self care. You might also find it helpful

Christmas is hard, could be an emotional reason to delay his start, but hold firm he starts after.

SorroW22

Myfreedom- so your living in this situation right now?

JOIE12

why not make this your family's first Christmas with smiles and peace ?
regret comes when we wait, and wait, and wait and wait some more.

Merry Christmas to you and your little one.