I Need to Get DS Into Counseling
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
I Need to Get DS Into Counseling
After a total meltdown tonight after I washed his hair (oh, the nerve of me!), DS (who is 5) started dropping the "f" word all over the place and went on to absolutely rage at me for a good 15 minutes.
I called STBXAH about it, and he of course was all "well, I don't know why he would say that. I mean, we have both said it in front of him a few times."
I call total QUACK. STBXAH drops the "f" bomb in front of our son on a regular basis, almost always in anger. But, I know better than to try and argue with STBXAH about that. It's just clear that after almost 4 months on our own, DS would greatly benefit from some professional counseling to get his defiance and anger under control.
I called STBXAH about it, and he of course was all "well, I don't know why he would say that. I mean, we have both said it in front of him a few times."
I call total QUACK. STBXAH drops the "f" bomb in front of our son on a regular basis, almost always in anger. But, I know better than to try and argue with STBXAH about that. It's just clear that after almost 4 months on our own, DS would greatly benefit from some professional counseling to get his defiance and anger under control.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
W,
When he calms down you need to explain that we don't talk like that. They are not nice words and he will have consequences if he continues to use them. He is old enough to know right from wrong. If you don't start now, he is going to be saying this to his teacher.
Good luck W!!
When he calms down you need to explain that we don't talk like that. They are not nice words and he will have consequences if he continues to use them. He is old enough to know right from wrong. If you don't start now, he is going to be saying this to his teacher.
Good luck W!!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Wisconsin,
This may be normal in an abnormal sort of way. You left your ex. He may feel that he sort of needs to take up for that part, but he doesn't know normal. He gets frustrated that you are taking care of him, and he should be taking care of you.
Yes, I agree with you on therapy.
This may be normal in an abnormal sort of way. You left your ex. He may feel that he sort of needs to take up for that part, but he doesn't know normal. He gets frustrated that you are taking care of him, and he should be taking care of you.
Yes, I agree with you on therapy.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Oh Maia, we have had that conversation eleventy million times. I have imposed the consequences. There are times when he responds very physically. It's just long past time for some professional assistance in teaching this little boy some healthy coping skills.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Yup, time for you to help that little guy manage his emotions. Sounds like the ex is going to be no help whatsoever on this front. At least he isn't still in the middle of all the chaos.
Hang in there, mom, you're on the right track.
Hang in there, mom, you're on the right track.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
thank god you are away NOW when he is only 5 and get get him the help he needs, rather than staying and suddenly you have a messed up 15 yr old on your hands who is setting fires to neighbor's garages.....or something. your boy is saying THROUGH HIS ACTIONS that mom, i need help - and you HEAR him. and you are responding, NOW.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
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Wisconsin, I know my girls are older than your DS, but I can only say that counseling has been a wonderful thing for both of them. My oldest only goes once a month right now because she has made so much progress, but it started out weekly. There was a lot of relief for me too, turning them over to someone who knows what they are doing!!!!
Hugs to you!
Hugs to you!
I know it isn't easy. Hope the counseling helps.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
suddenly you have a messed up 15 yr old on your hands who is setting fires to neighbor's garages.....or something
Anywho - therapy is a great thing - for everyone IMO. EVERYONE has some trauma to work through - big or small - and therapy helps. SMART of you to think about it early!!
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
W,
I am not saying not to do therapy, I totally agree with that. He has seen his Dads ways and doesn't know any better. The apple doesn't fall to far from the tree. We are enablers and sometime we accept unacceptable behavior by people we love. By continually following through and having consequences for his actions he will eventually "get" it. It might not happen today or tomorrow, but might in 2 months. He will know what is right and what is wrong, from you!!
My dd23 is a 4th grade school teacher in a very poor community. These kids have never been taught manners or respect. She feels it's like hitting her head against the wall day after day, with 27 kids in the class. I keep telling her to follow through every day, if not today, maybe tomorrow or maybe a year from now, these kids will get it. At least you take the time and tell them it is wrong and this is the correct way. Someone cared enough to show them the "proper" way, so in the back of their mind they will know.
Hugs my friend, you are a great mom and he has you in his "court"!!
I am not saying not to do therapy, I totally agree with that. He has seen his Dads ways and doesn't know any better. The apple doesn't fall to far from the tree. We are enablers and sometime we accept unacceptable behavior by people we love. By continually following through and having consequences for his actions he will eventually "get" it. It might not happen today or tomorrow, but might in 2 months. He will know what is right and what is wrong, from you!!
My dd23 is a 4th grade school teacher in a very poor community. These kids have never been taught manners or respect. She feels it's like hitting her head against the wall day after day, with 27 kids in the class. I keep telling her to follow through every day, if not today, maybe tomorrow or maybe a year from now, these kids will get it. At least you take the time and tell them it is wrong and this is the correct way. Someone cared enough to show them the "proper" way, so in the back of their mind they will know.
Hugs my friend, you are a great mom and he has you in his "court"!!
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
Therapy can always help the kids and it can never hurt for them to see someone or for you to get a different perspective. Hugs to you. We've been through it all and my ds really does value counseling and uses it as a tool. He was 7 the first time I too him to a counselor and he still asks to go for a few sessions when he's feeling overwhelmed and just needing a third party to listen to him.
Hugs, again. I know this is hard, but it always passes.
Hugs, again. I know this is hard, but it always passes.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
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You know, it's kind of good (in the twisted-logic way we live with) that he's showing so clearly that he needs some emotional support. And go you for realizing it's something to go to a professional about.
Kids aren't dumb. They are affected, no matter how much we try to protect them. So the best thing we can do (since the "not having kids with an addict" boat has sailed) is to get them the help they need.
And as always, kids will act up where they feel it's safe. I bet he's a little angel with your ex...
Kids aren't dumb. They are affected, no matter how much we try to protect them. So the best thing we can do (since the "not having kids with an addict" boat has sailed) is to get them the help they need.
And as always, kids will act up where they feel it's safe. I bet he's a little angel with your ex...
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