The Language of Letting Go, December 17
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
The Language of Letting Go, December 17
DECEMBER 17
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Nurturing Ourselves
Many of us have been so deprived of nurturing that we think it's silly or self-indulgent. Nurturing is neither silly nor self-indulgent; it's how we show love for ourselves. That's what we're striving for in recovery - a loving relationship with ourselves that works, so we can have loving relationships with others that work.
When we hurt, we ask ourselves what we need to help us feel better. When we feel alone, we reach out to someone safe. Without feeling that we are a burden, we allow that person to be there for us.
We rest when we're tired; eat when we're hungry; have fun or relax when our spirits need a lift. Nurturing means giving ourselves gifts - a trip to the beauty salon or barbershop, a massage, a book, a new jacket, or a new suit or dress. It means a long, hot bath to forget about our problems and the world for a few moments when that would feel good.
We learn to be gentle with ourselves and to open up to the nurturing that others have to offer us.
As part of nurturing ourselves, we allow ourselves to give and receive positive touch - touch that feels appropriate to us, touch that is safe. We reject touch that doesn't feel good or safe and is not positive.
We learn to give ourselves what we need in a gentle, loving, compassionate way. We do this with the understanding it will not make us lazy, spoiled, self-centered or narcissistic. Nurtured people are effective in their work and in their relationships.
We will learn to feel loved by ourselves so much that we can truly love others and let them love us.
Today I will nurture myself. I will also be open to the nurturing that I can give to others and receive from them.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Nurturing Ourselves
Many of us have been so deprived of nurturing that we think it's silly or self-indulgent. Nurturing is neither silly nor self-indulgent; it's how we show love for ourselves. That's what we're striving for in recovery - a loving relationship with ourselves that works, so we can have loving relationships with others that work.
When we hurt, we ask ourselves what we need to help us feel better. When we feel alone, we reach out to someone safe. Without feeling that we are a burden, we allow that person to be there for us.
We rest when we're tired; eat when we're hungry; have fun or relax when our spirits need a lift. Nurturing means giving ourselves gifts - a trip to the beauty salon or barbershop, a massage, a book, a new jacket, or a new suit or dress. It means a long, hot bath to forget about our problems and the world for a few moments when that would feel good.
We learn to be gentle with ourselves and to open up to the nurturing that others have to offer us.
As part of nurturing ourselves, we allow ourselves to give and receive positive touch - touch that feels appropriate to us, touch that is safe. We reject touch that doesn't feel good or safe and is not positive.
We learn to give ourselves what we need in a gentle, loving, compassionate way. We do this with the understanding it will not make us lazy, spoiled, self-centered or narcissistic. Nurtured people are effective in their work and in their relationships.
We will learn to feel loved by ourselves so much that we can truly love others and let them love us.
Today I will nurture myself. I will also be open to the nurturing that I can give to others and receive from them.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 367
Oh gosh, this one hits home for me bigtime - the tears started rolling at the first sentence.
I have a huge "mother wound" coupled with what I guess I could call a "God wound" - I grew up in a fundamentalist church, very cult-like, where the fear of hell was drilled into my psyche from birth, and my mother was cold and unattached.
The combination of the two has left me very deprived of nurturing. I remember being terrified to become a mother, but the instant that I held my oldest son after he was born, I knew that I would not be passing that pain onto my children.
It's no real wonder that I settled for the crap that my AH handed out and why I settled for a marriage that was sorely lacking in love, connection, and intimacy. I know I deserve better.
I have a huge "mother wound" coupled with what I guess I could call a "God wound" - I grew up in a fundamentalist church, very cult-like, where the fear of hell was drilled into my psyche from birth, and my mother was cold and unattached.
The combination of the two has left me very deprived of nurturing. I remember being terrified to become a mother, but the instant that I held my oldest son after he was born, I knew that I would not be passing that pain onto my children.
It's no real wonder that I settled for the crap that my AH handed out and why I settled for a marriage that was sorely lacking in love, connection, and intimacy. I know I deserve better.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
TW, definitely in my FOO there was emphasis placed on "doing without" and "not needing" things, support, praise, etc. To need or want nurturing was a sign of weakness. If you happened to receive some, it was a kind of guilty pleasure.
It is still tough for me to draw the line between healthy nurturing and unhealthy indulgence, but at least I'm aware there is a difference, and that's a start!
It is still tough for me to draw the line between healthy nurturing and unhealthy indulgence, but at least I'm aware there is a difference, and that's a start!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 246
Originally Posted by honeypig 
Without feeling that we are a burden, we allow that person to be there for us.
What I have come to understand (and honestly still wrestle with from time to time) is this: there are thoughtful, supportive individuals out there (especially anonymously) that want to be there for others and offer their experience, support and guidance. It's wonderful, and I'm appreciative for the kindness I have found.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
What I have come to understand (and honestly still wrestle with from time to time) is this: there are thoughtful, supportive individuals out there (especially anonymously) that want to be there for others and offer their experience, support and guidance. It's wonderful, and I'm appreciative for the kindness I have found.
We view it as placing a burden on others, when in reality, it's allowing them an opportunity. This is 180 degrees from how I initially thought about it.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
