The lines are blurry
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: michigan
Posts: 296
The lines are blurry
Well ex has left a lot of stuff here and I am slowly sending most of it to him and getting rid/selling other stuff. So of course there is a problem. Son found out I was selling a wood stove and he wanted to know why I was selling "our stove" and the one in The house was his because he bought it. Well I was awarded the wood stove that is in the house because it is part of the house. This was the first I heard of son buying it. (No surprise there and I am not sure why son bought it in the first place) son is a bit ticked at me now and I am not sure how to explain that these things are now mine without an argument with him.
Ex is seriously mixed up.
Input?
Cricket
Ex is seriously mixed up.
Input?
Cricket
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: michigan
Posts: 296
This is upsetting because I feel like I am being blindsided again by information that has been withheld from me. It makes me want to pack up and move across the country to get away from these crazy people. Son/daughters included.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,417
Originally Posted by cricket123 
This is upsetting because I feel like I am being blindsided again by information that has been withheld from me. It makes me want to pack up and move across the country to get away from these crazy people. Son/daughters included.
A fresh start and some distance would give you perspective
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
So your jobless 17 year old son who can't afford his own car insurance bought a wood stove for the family home at some unknown point in the past?
Does he have a receipt or some other proof of purchase? Or did he get it as a prize in his Frosted Flakes? I'm going to call shenanigans on this whole thing because given what you've told us, the story is flat-out ridiculous. How's his quest for emancipation going btw?
You were awarded the house and EVERYTHING in it. Period. The time to fight about who bought the wood stove has come and gone. Your ex has a bad case of sour grapes and is stirring up trouble however he can, including dragging your children into the mix. I'm sorry you're experiencing this crazymaking.
If you can't move, can you take an extended no contact vacation to someplace sunny, pleasant and FAR from all this unnecessary drama? You deserve it.
ETS: Sorry about my tone. I'm feeling slightly snarktacular today.
Does he have a receipt or some other proof of purchase? Or did he get it as a prize in his Frosted Flakes? I'm going to call shenanigans on this whole thing because given what you've told us, the story is flat-out ridiculous. How's his quest for emancipation going btw?
You were awarded the house and EVERYTHING in it. Period. The time to fight about who bought the wood stove has come and gone. Your ex has a bad case of sour grapes and is stirring up trouble however he can, including dragging your children into the mix. I'm sorry you're experiencing this crazymaking.
If you can't move, can you take an extended no contact vacation to someplace sunny, pleasant and FAR from all this unnecessary drama? You deserve it.
ETS: Sorry about my tone. I'm feeling slightly snarktacular today.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I don't think your ex is one bit mixed up.
And I wouldn't feel obligated to explain anything to your son. You can tell him that nobody let you know anyone had any concerns about individual "claims" to anything in the house and you are going to dispose of it as you see fit.
And I wouldn't feel obligated to explain anything to your son. You can tell him that nobody let you know anyone had any concerns about individual "claims" to anything in the house and you are going to dispose of it as you see fit.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Cricket.....I wondered the same thing.....how could your son have bo ught the house?
I think your feeling of wanting to "move across the country" is signaling your beginning of some detachment from the misery of the entanglement with the other players, here.......I suspect that the entanglement has come about from years of lack of established boundaries....and, some inappropriate boundaries within the family.........
I think that as you get stronger and are able to establish some better boundaries.....it ill get easier for you.....
Having boundaries is part of growing the thick rhino skin that you need.....
dandylion
I think your feeling of wanting to "move across the country" is signaling your beginning of some detachment from the misery of the entanglement with the other players, here.......I suspect that the entanglement has come about from years of lack of established boundaries....and, some inappropriate boundaries within the family.........
I think that as you get stronger and are able to establish some better boundaries.....it ill get easier for you.....
Having boundaries is part of growing the thick rhino skin that you need.....
dandylion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: michigan
Posts: 296
Son cut, split and sold wood for about 3 years, so yes it is possible he bought it. However I don't know why son allowed his dad to talk him into getting it, if this is the case. As far as I'm concerned if I was not included in the decision making then they can live with the consequences. I just don't want to deal with it.
Ex would come over and get 1 load yell at me then leave then do it again the next weekend Often, claiming I was not giving him enough time, but would not take advantage of the time I gave him. So I still have some of his stuff and if I wanted to be nasty I would not send it to him through the kids. The only thing I am obligated to give him and this would be on shaky ground because he did not take it when he moved out and within the 45 days after the divorce is the kitchen table.
I am working hard on doing what is the right thing, for me and morally and for my kids. I am sadly thinking if I was not involved with my kids things would balance out for them and I would not have a pain every time I deal with them.
Ex would come over and get 1 load yell at me then leave then do it again the next weekend Often, claiming I was not giving him enough time, but would not take advantage of the time I gave him. So I still have some of his stuff and if I wanted to be nasty I would not send it to him through the kids. The only thing I am obligated to give him and this would be on shaky ground because he did not take it when he moved out and within the 45 days after the divorce is the kitchen table.
I am working hard on doing what is the right thing, for me and morally and for my kids. I am sadly thinking if I was not involved with my kids things would balance out for them and I would not have a pain every time I deal with them.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
so you don't know HOW a wood stove got IN to the house or how/when it was purchased? i'm not following.....maybe it was never hooked up and has been sitting in the garage??
does you son now WANT the wood stove? if so, is there any real harm in letting him have it?
seems kind of a silly issue....maybe try NOT to see a conspiracy in every thing that happens?
does you son now WANT the wood stove? if so, is there any real harm in letting him have it?
seems kind of a silly issue....maybe try NOT to see a conspiracy in every thing that happens?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: michigan
Posts: 296
anvilheadii
Yes the whole thing is silly. IMHO son is trying to pick up where his dad left off and finding anything and everything to find fault. Being he just has his dad's input and does not seek out info that is different then what he is told - you get ex jr. I am told that this is a phase and in about 6 months he will start to see things different. As for the wood stove I guess he is sol. What I don't know is who purchased it and I don't care who did, the more I think about it the madder I get.
His 45 days were up nov 9th and I don't have to give him anything more unless I want to. At this point it is going in boxes
Yes the whole thing is silly. IMHO son is trying to pick up where his dad left off and finding anything and everything to find fault. Being he just has his dad's input and does not seek out info that is different then what he is told - you get ex jr. I am told that this is a phase and in about 6 months he will start to see things different. As for the wood stove I guess he is sol. What I don't know is who purchased it and I don't care who did, the more I think about it the madder I get.
His 45 days were up nov 9th and I don't have to give him anything more unless I want to. At this point it is going in boxes
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
The Salvation Army does home pickups for larger items. Then your ex could go down to the SA retail store and buy back whatever he wanted to keep at a bargain price. The proceeds would then go to fund substance abuse treatment programs for those in need.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I like that idea, ladyscribbler! Lovely, and with a poetic twist.
Oh, and in terms of what you say to your son, you could just say, "Guess you should have told your dad to get it, then. He's already taken what's to be taken."
Oh, and in terms of what you say to your son, you could just say, "Guess you should have told your dad to get it, then. He's already taken what's to be taken."
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 171
Do you have a heavy trash pick-up day? If so, have a garage sale for his abandoned belongings the weekend before, and then pack what is left over to the curb for trash pick-up. He had a more than fair number of days to collect his belongings, and there's no reason for you to keep holding onto them. And yes, it would probably be a good idea to view it that objectively. There's no real reason to slowly go through the process of getting someone else's belongings out of your house. It only serves to slow the process of healing, which doesn't help you.
If your son wants the stove, let him have it. But he has to find a place for it. If he has no place for it (that is acceptable for YOU in YOUR home), then out it goes. You're still his mother and get to call the shots in your home. Your kids may be going through some rough times as well, but this is not the time for them to start feeling entitled to walk all over their mother.
The lines are as blurry here as you allow them to be. You can do this, and finally make your home peaceful for yourself.
If your son wants the stove, let him have it. But he has to find a place for it. If he has no place for it (that is acceptable for YOU in YOUR home), then out it goes. You're still his mother and get to call the shots in your home. Your kids may be going through some rough times as well, but this is not the time for them to start feeling entitled to walk all over their mother.
The lines are as blurry here as you allow them to be. You can do this, and finally make your home peaceful for yourself.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
