is this gaslighting?
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 430
is this gaslighting?
I've seen people on this board use that term but don't really know the definition.
Is it when an alcoholic comes up with a theory for why you left him (e.g. you met someone else) and then continues to press you for evidence to support his suspicions rather than accepting that you meant it when you said that so long as he didn't get sober, your marriage was over?
And the proper response is. . . no response? Arguing clearly doesn't work. In fact he has his family convinced of his theory, too, which doesn't surprise me as I know I am the outsider whereas he's the golden son, capable of no wrong.
So, he spews gas(light), and I ignore, right?
Is it when an alcoholic comes up with a theory for why you left him (e.g. you met someone else) and then continues to press you for evidence to support his suspicions rather than accepting that you meant it when you said that so long as he didn't get sober, your marriage was over?
And the proper response is. . . no response? Arguing clearly doesn't work. In fact he has his family convinced of his theory, too, which doesn't surprise me as I know I am the outsider whereas he's the golden son, capable of no wrong.
So, he spews gas(light), and I ignore, right?
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Mm, no, that's just denial, it sounds like.
Gaslighting (look up the movie "Gaslight" from the 1940s) is trying to make you feel like you're going crazy. Example: trying to convince you that something happened that didn't, or the other way around. It's really more typical of an abusive personality than alcoholism--when it happens with alcoholics, it isn't so much to make you think you're losing your mind as it is to distract you from the reality of what's going on.
Gaslighting (look up the movie "Gaslight" from the 1940s) is trying to make you feel like you're going crazy. Example: trying to convince you that something happened that didn't, or the other way around. It's really more typical of an abusive personality than alcoholism--when it happens with alcoholics, it isn't so much to make you think you're losing your mind as it is to distract you from the reality of what's going on.
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I thought it was when someone psychologically manipulates someone into questioning their own sanity.
So for example, if you left your AH and he then blamed you for the breakdown, to the point where you started to question yourself and wonder whether it was your fault, that would be gaslighting.
So for example, if you left your AH and he then blamed you for the breakdown, to the point where you started to question yourself and wonder whether it was your fault, that would be gaslighting.
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Gaslighting or gas-lighting is a form of mental abuse in which information is twisted or spun, selectively omitted to favor the abuser, or false information is presented with the intent of making victims doubt their own memory, perception, and sanity.[1][2] Instances may range simply from the denial by an abuser that previous abusive incidents ever occurred, up to the staging of bizarre events by the abuser with the intention of disorienting the victim.
The term owes its origin to the play Gas Light and its film adaptations, after which it was coined popularly. The term has been used in clinical and research literature.[3][4]
The term owes its origin to the play Gas Light and its film adaptations, after which it was coined popularly. The term has been used in clinical and research literature.[3][4]
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