Monkey see monkey do
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Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Laurelton
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Monkey see monkey do
So my husband knows that I've filed for divorce. I get a text from him today asking me and the kids ss#, my income, education level, etc. I gave it to him and then asked what it was for. He said he's filling out paperwork, I said "duh". What kind of paperwork, he said for his lawyer. Is he about to serve me too??? Wow?
His sister called me today too invite the kids to her daughters bday party this weekend and of course we get into a convo about him. She says that he told her that I've treated him badly and that he proposed the divorce! I clarified for her that I wanted to move on and give him the option of separation or divorce and he said since I treat him like a yo yo he doesn't want to do the back and forth anymore. He said he wanted to work on the marriage but if I didn't then let's just get a divorce. I told her that I had to deal with a lot, not just alcoho; the ex and their emotional convos my entire relationship. She told me that the ex told her family years ago that he put her through too much and she could no longer be with him because he had "issues". I think this was before he was drinking. Funny, his sister also say he has "issues" and she thinks there's no one that can fix him. I told her I had recently discovered him high and reminded her that the reason why you all think he's sober and his mother can't find any evidence in her basement (AH rents from her) is because he starts with the pills and then gradually escalates his way back to his drug of choice, which is alcohol. We both agreed on how skinny he'd been looking recently and she had suspected that he was indulging in something. I told her that I love her and their family regardless and I'm doing what I have to do to protect my children. She understood. I'm glad that she called and it wasn't me calling her.
He's really convinced that I've treated him bad when I've bent over backwards and practically became another person to make him happy...to the point where I lost my true self? Who knows the lies that he's told to make me look like the root of our "relationship problem".
I'm in complete awe, trying not to let it upset me but this is just crazy to me!
His sister called me today too invite the kids to her daughters bday party this weekend and of course we get into a convo about him. She says that he told her that I've treated him badly and that he proposed the divorce! I clarified for her that I wanted to move on and give him the option of separation or divorce and he said since I treat him like a yo yo he doesn't want to do the back and forth anymore. He said he wanted to work on the marriage but if I didn't then let's just get a divorce. I told her that I had to deal with a lot, not just alcoho; the ex and their emotional convos my entire relationship. She told me that the ex told her family years ago that he put her through too much and she could no longer be with him because he had "issues". I think this was before he was drinking. Funny, his sister also say he has "issues" and she thinks there's no one that can fix him. I told her I had recently discovered him high and reminded her that the reason why you all think he's sober and his mother can't find any evidence in her basement (AH rents from her) is because he starts with the pills and then gradually escalates his way back to his drug of choice, which is alcohol. We both agreed on how skinny he'd been looking recently and she had suspected that he was indulging in something. I told her that I love her and their family regardless and I'm doing what I have to do to protect my children. She understood. I'm glad that she called and it wasn't me calling her.
He's really convinced that I've treated him bad when I've bent over backwards and practically became another person to make him happy...to the point where I lost my true self? Who knows the lies that he's told to make me look like the root of our "relationship problem".
I'm in complete awe, trying not to let it upset me but this is just crazy to me!
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
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It makes no difference who files for divorce. You can cross-file, it still doesn't make any difference.
It's equally likely that he has consulted a lawyer because you've TOLD him you've filed. Lawyers request the kind of info he was asking for on the first visit--didn't yours? If I were he, I'd be consulting a lawyer the minute I found out I was going to be served.
It's equally likely that he has consulted a lawyer because you've TOLD him you've filed. Lawyers request the kind of info he was asking for on the first visit--didn't yours? If I were he, I'd be consulting a lawyer the minute I found out I was going to be served.
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Join Date: Nov 2015
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Originally Posted by LexieCat 
It makes no difference who files for divorce. You can cross-file, it still doesn't make any difference.
It's equally likely that he has consulted a lawyer because you've TOLD him you've filed. Lawyers request the kind of info he was asking for on the first visit--didn't yours? If I were he, I'd be consulting a lawyer the minute I found out I was going to be served.
It's equally likely that he has consulted a lawyer because you've TOLD him you've filed. Lawyers request the kind of info he was asking for on the first visit--didn't yours? If I were he, I'd be consulting a lawyer the minute I found out I was going to be served.
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I used to get so wound up, anxious, and depressed trying to figure out what was going on in other people's heads and what other people thought about me. When I heard the recovery saying "what other people think of me is none of my business", it was such a relief! It had never even occurred to me that so long as I felt good about the way I was living and treating others, other people's opinions really, truly did not matter.
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Originally Posted by jjj111
I used to get so wound up, anxious, and depressed trying to figure out what was going on in other people's heads and what other people thought about me. When I heard the recovery saying "what other people think of me is none of my business", it was such a relief! It had never even occurred to me that so long as I felt good about the way I was living and treating others, other people's opinions really, truly did not matter.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Dimndaurf......it is pretty standard for practicing alcoholics to blame the other person for the demise of the relationship---especially, their own family and friends....
It is pretty rare for the active alcoholic to say "I am such a jerk and I have put her through so much hell that she filed for divorce"........
dandylion
It is pretty rare for the active alcoholic to say "I am such a jerk and I have put her through so much hell that she filed for divorce"........
dandylion
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"what other people think of me is none of my business", it was such a relief!
Some of the hardest questions for myself in recovery have been:
What makes me happy?
What makes me calm and peaceful?
What makes me feel good about myself?
I was so focused on how I came across to the rest of the world, that it's been a bear of a time answering these FOR ME!
I agree with everyone, you HAVE to be the bad guy for him in all this, if you weren't, he'd have to think about changing, and as you know for yourself, that is not easy.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
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Don't expect his mind set to change either. I had to and still deal with this. My X makes me sound like I just kicked him out on the street for no reason at all. In reality, he drank and abused himself out onto the street. He just leaves that little detail out.
You will come to a place that you accept that is what he has even convinced himself of, and will move forward and not even think about it anymore.
My theory is anyone who knows him and knows me understands why I left. If they don't, it's not my problem.
You will come to a place that you accept that is what he has even convinced himself of, and will move forward and not even think about it anymore.
My theory is anyone who knows him and knows me understands why I left. If they don't, it's not my problem.
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