Day Zero
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 14
Day Zero
I’m not sure where to start. Day Zero for me. I have not quit. I do not have a plan. But please bear with me. I feel like I need to make the first step my making my first post. An introduction of sorts.
I’ve been drunk for the better part of 34 years. I’m a hard drinker. I drink whiskey, rum, beer, wine, tequila. Anything really. If it’s in the fridge or on the shelf, I will drink it. I don’t drink every day, but when I start you can bet it will end with me being black out drunk. I do this about three times a week. Now I’ve started drinking in the mornings on weekends.
I will wake up in the middle of the night and drink in the living room in the dark. Alone with my thoughts. It’s really very peaceful. My wife and I just got back from vacation and I don’t remember several days. This is my normal. I’ve pissed myself. I’ve puked more times that I can remember. Now I started puking the day after as well.
I’m kind of a fun drunk though. People generally like me when I’m drunk. I’m clever and funny. At least that’s how I see myself. I drink because the world goes to slow for me. Life’s boring when I’m sober. I like the way the world looks through my drunken eyes.
I quit for thirty days earlier this year because my wife was ashamed of my behavior. She caught me drinking in the morning. Everyone noticed that I wasn’t drinking and would tell my how proud they were of me and give me hugs. I got irritated every time someone noticed.
I’ve been thinking about going to AA but honestly don’t think I’ve hit bottom yet. YET. It’s close. Even my mother, who is in her seventies, told me that she started going to Al Anon for me. I have a friend that said he would take me to an AA meeting if I said the word. I’ve never been to jail. I love my wife and am grateful every day that she is in my life. I have a son in college. I have a great job. But I think people are starting to notice the bags under my eyes and the hint of alcohol on my breath.
I’ve dodged more bullets than I am even aware and for that I’m thankful. I’m thankful that I haven’t hurt anyone, or killed anyone, or damaged anyone. YET. I have a bottle in my car right now. My wife is mad at me for my behavior at a Christmas party. She most certainly will be mad at me when I get home. So here is a part of my problem. She is a heavy drinker herself. And while I am entertaining the ideal of sobriety, she has no interest. She doesn’t think she has a problem. I know she does. She drinks every day but not blind black out drinking like me. So I’m not sure how to proceed because I don’t think I can quit if she is drinking. Leaving her or making ultimatums is not an option. I love her so much. But honestly, I think my drinking is killing me slowly.
Well, that where I’m at. Thanks for letting me share my situation with you.
Day zero point zero, zero.
I’ve been drunk for the better part of 34 years. I’m a hard drinker. I drink whiskey, rum, beer, wine, tequila. Anything really. If it’s in the fridge or on the shelf, I will drink it. I don’t drink every day, but when I start you can bet it will end with me being black out drunk. I do this about three times a week. Now I’ve started drinking in the mornings on weekends.
I will wake up in the middle of the night and drink in the living room in the dark. Alone with my thoughts. It’s really very peaceful. My wife and I just got back from vacation and I don’t remember several days. This is my normal. I’ve pissed myself. I’ve puked more times that I can remember. Now I started puking the day after as well.
I’m kind of a fun drunk though. People generally like me when I’m drunk. I’m clever and funny. At least that’s how I see myself. I drink because the world goes to slow for me. Life’s boring when I’m sober. I like the way the world looks through my drunken eyes.
I quit for thirty days earlier this year because my wife was ashamed of my behavior. She caught me drinking in the morning. Everyone noticed that I wasn’t drinking and would tell my how proud they were of me and give me hugs. I got irritated every time someone noticed.
I’ve been thinking about going to AA but honestly don’t think I’ve hit bottom yet. YET. It’s close. Even my mother, who is in her seventies, told me that she started going to Al Anon for me. I have a friend that said he would take me to an AA meeting if I said the word. I’ve never been to jail. I love my wife and am grateful every day that she is in my life. I have a son in college. I have a great job. But I think people are starting to notice the bags under my eyes and the hint of alcohol on my breath.
I’ve dodged more bullets than I am even aware and for that I’m thankful. I’m thankful that I haven’t hurt anyone, or killed anyone, or damaged anyone. YET. I have a bottle in my car right now. My wife is mad at me for my behavior at a Christmas party. She most certainly will be mad at me when I get home. So here is a part of my problem. She is a heavy drinker herself. And while I am entertaining the ideal of sobriety, she has no interest. She doesn’t think she has a problem. I know she does. She drinks every day but not blind black out drinking like me. So I’m not sure how to proceed because I don’t think I can quit if she is drinking. Leaving her or making ultimatums is not an option. I love her so much. But honestly, I think my drinking is killing me slowly.
Well, that where I’m at. Thanks for letting me share my situation with you.
Day zero point zero, zero.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 309
Hi john
Bottom is when you call it. My bottom was waking up feeling awful (as always) and deciding not to do it anymore. Previous rock bottoms were losing jobs, messing up relationships and my finances.
You're here, and that's great as you clearly want help. I would really recommend that you make a plan to stay sober. My plan involves AA, this website and my local drug and alcohol centre. You don't need to do this alone
Bottom is when you call it. My bottom was waking up feeling awful (as always) and deciding not to do it anymore. Previous rock bottoms were losing jobs, messing up relationships and my finances.
You're here, and that's great as you clearly want help. I would really recommend that you make a plan to stay sober. My plan involves AA, this website and my local drug and alcohol centre. You don't need to do this alone
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
Welcome!
You can certainly stop drinking, whether or not your wife continues to drink. You can focus on your sobriety and move forward with recovery. Having a plan is a good idea so this link might be helpful:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
You can certainly stop drinking, whether or not your wife continues to drink. You can focus on your sobriety and move forward with recovery. Having a plan is a good idea so this link might be helpful:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,746
It is a little harder to get sober if your partner still drinks, but it is possible.
If you quit, do so for your own good. Maybe she'll follow your example and get sober herself. Even if she doesn't, you can still stay sober for yourself.
If you quit, do so for your own good. Maybe she'll follow your example and get sober herself. Even if she doesn't, you can still stay sober for yourself.
You're not shackled to not drinking, you're free from drinking
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 1,406
Hey John, it sounds like we're pretty close in age. I got sick and tired of being sick and tired and don't want to spend the last third of my life in a drunken haze. To be honest, if I stayed drinking it would probably be a lot less than the last third. Us older guys don't heal as fast as we used to and alcohol will definitely start taking its toll. I'm just over 90 days into this but I'm feeling a whole lot better. I'd highly recommend you give it a try.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 18
welcome! My husband drinks and I have been sober for 13 months. The bottom line for me was stopping for "ME". It didn't matter what anyone else was doing- including my husband. It hasn't been that difficult ; in fact, it is a real wake-up to remember what my hang overs felt like when I see him wake up with one. Good Luck and you can do this!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,411
My husband drinks too much too, but I quit anyway.
My drinking was less constant but more drastic than his.
Yes, sometimes it is hard to watch him drink, but I'm doing much better sober.
Don't use her drinking as your excuse not to quit.
Sounds like you're pretty far down the alcoholic path
physically and socially and you know it.
Keep it up and she might leave you,
you might lose your job or your health.
Right now you can choose to quit,
but if you wait you may not be able to un-choose the consequences
you are approaching.
It seems you know that even if you don't want to really articulate it yet
I get it--I was terrified to stop too but it wasn't as bad as I thought.
Keep posting and reading. You can do it but you really have to go all in--
My drinking was less constant but more drastic than his.
Yes, sometimes it is hard to watch him drink, but I'm doing much better sober.
Don't use her drinking as your excuse not to quit.
Sounds like you're pretty far down the alcoholic path
physically and socially and you know it.
Keep it up and she might leave you,
you might lose your job or your health.
Right now you can choose to quit,
but if you wait you may not be able to un-choose the consequences
you are approaching.
It seems you know that even if you don't want to really articulate it yet
I get it--I was terrified to stop too but it wasn't as bad as I thought.
Keep posting and reading. You can do it but you really have to go all in--
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: USA
Posts: 701
Be thankful you realize you have a problem, and do something about it before you hit what could be a tragic rock bottom. It was only by the Grace of God that myself and many others made the decision to quit before a life-altering event occured.
Your sobriety cannot depend on whether or not your wife drinks. My husband still drinks 7 days a week and I chose sobriety last year. We are still as in love as we were before I quit. In a perfect world he would have quit with me. No such thing. But if and when he ever does quit it will be his decision, not mine. Utimately we are responsible for our own lives.
Your sobriety cannot depend on whether or not your wife drinks. My husband still drinks 7 days a week and I chose sobriety last year. We are still as in love as we were before I quit. In a perfect world he would have quit with me. No such thing. But if and when he ever does quit it will be his decision, not mine. Utimately we are responsible for our own lives.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: South Bay, So Cal
Posts: 6,113
Hi,
You can do this, all it takes right now is willingness. My husband just took his 10 Year chip on the 8th. I took my 3 year chip in November.Yep. I continued to drink alcoholically for 7 years. He went to AA and "worked" and continues to do so a 12 Step Program. I do the same. See, it's not about other people, it's about yourself. You. And ...maybe your wife might join you on that Recovery path.
Oh, our AA way works for us. But, there are other ways too!
All the Best,
Bobbi
You can do this, all it takes right now is willingness. My husband just took his 10 Year chip on the 8th. I took my 3 year chip in November.Yep. I continued to drink alcoholically for 7 years. He went to AA and "worked" and continues to do so a 12 Step Program. I do the same. See, it's not about other people, it's about yourself. You. And ...maybe your wife might join you on that Recovery path.
Oh, our AA way works for us. But, there are other ways too!
All the Best,
Bobbi
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Dallas Texas
Posts: 579
Hey John
I had my last drink 8 days ago after drinking for errr lets just say decades. So far the hardest part has been just to admit I had a problem. I've been going to AA-it's very helpful.
Word of advice-get the bottle out of your car now! A DUI really will sink your boat. If you are going to continue to drink do it at home or a place you do not have to drive. I wished I had taken my own advice. I think your wife will be a lot more of a problem if she has to bail you out of jail. A DUI will add MASSIVELY to any problems you currently have. Trust me.
I had my last drink 8 days ago after drinking for errr lets just say decades. So far the hardest part has been just to admit I had a problem. I've been going to AA-it's very helpful.
Word of advice-get the bottle out of your car now! A DUI really will sink your boat. If you are going to continue to drink do it at home or a place you do not have to drive. I wished I had taken my own advice. I think your wife will be a lot more of a problem if she has to bail you out of jail. A DUI will add MASSIVELY to any problems you currently have. Trust me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 14
I'm checking back in with you guys after being gone for a few months. Thanks for everyone's kind and helpful words.
There is no change in the situation I described in my first post. I had a physical last month in which the doctor wanted me to come back in to discuss elevated liver levels (AST 36 and ALT 58). I've not made the appointment yet. I'm not prepared to hear what she has to say. I know what she will say. I didn't tell my wife either. I might tell her tonight and make the appointment.
I don't really know what those numbers mean except that they are *just* outside of the boundary.
Wish me luck.
There is no change in the situation I described in my first post. I had a physical last month in which the doctor wanted me to come back in to discuss elevated liver levels (AST 36 and ALT 58). I've not made the appointment yet. I'm not prepared to hear what she has to say. I know what she will say. I didn't tell my wife either. I might tell her tonight and make the appointment.
I don't really know what those numbers mean except that they are *just* outside of the boundary.
Wish me luck.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Do you want to quit or not want to quit? I guess that's a question you have to ask yourself. When I quit drinking this last time my husband had relapsed. He sobered up and then relapsed again over a year ago but I stayed sober. It can be done even if your spouse is drinking. You have to do it for yourself. It isn't easy but it can be done. You will have to make a lot of changes.
You can have fun sober. You will be healthier too. Good luck.
You can have fun sober. You will be healthier too. Good luck.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Hi John,
Good for you for coming back.
My two cents is to take a deep breath and schedule the appointment.
It was difficult for me to make the appointment with my physician, but the morning of the appointment, I surprised myself by waking up full of hope.
My doctor was very understanding and prescribed medication that really helped me. Ultimately, I had to add some more action to my plan, but it was a great first step.
If your numbers are *just* outside, that sounds like good news and you can see positive come from making changes.
Good for you for coming back.
My two cents is to take a deep breath and schedule the appointment.
It was difficult for me to make the appointment with my physician, but the morning of the appointment, I surprised myself by waking up full of hope.
My doctor was very understanding and prescribed medication that really helped me. Ultimately, I had to add some more action to my plan, but it was a great first step.
If your numbers are *just* outside, that sounds like good news and you can see positive come from making changes.
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