First post on SR
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 197
First post on SR
I am on day 2, and just found SR last night, after an internet search about dealing with the regrets and self-loathing of relapse.
I am 33 and have been a "functioning" alcoholic since I was 18, although I wouldn't call myself functioning lately. My addiction has followed a very predictable progression. I drank too much in college and law school, and as a working adult, kept things in check for the first couple years. I would binge and get extremely drunk once every couple months, and that turned into once a week. After a bender, I would swear to never touch it again. My resolve used to last for weeks, now it wears off after about 2-3 days. There are times I can limit myself to a couple drinks without getting drunk, but lately, it is much more often that I consume excessive amounts, even after telling myself I won't. Woke up still drunk twice in the last month. I had a very important Saturday planned that instead was spent being dizzy and throwing up; even though I told myself for weeks I wouldn't go out the night before. Missed work within the last month. Have broken all my limits and rules within weeks of setting them (beer/wine only, no drinking during the week, no more than 3 at a time). I know I am an alcoholic and it is only going to get progressively worse. My pattern is that I swear I'll quit right after the depression/anxiety/regret of a bender, but 3-4 days later, it just doesn't seem all that bad. The problem is, it is really bad. Drinking causes me to become a promiscuous liar, and a suicidal one at that. While I have not (yet) gotten a DUI or any criminal consequences/arrest, nor lost a job, the damage has been extreme (many lost relationships, massive amounts of humiliation, two broken ankles, and drunk dials that would make you cringe). I'd love to hear from those of you who have had a similar experience, and how you get past day 3-4. I have tried AA sporadically, but honestly, most of the time I end up stopping at a bar on my way home
I saw some posters talk about how hard getting sober is in the state of Wisconsin - I'm right there with you.
I am 33 and have been a "functioning" alcoholic since I was 18, although I wouldn't call myself functioning lately. My addiction has followed a very predictable progression. I drank too much in college and law school, and as a working adult, kept things in check for the first couple years. I would binge and get extremely drunk once every couple months, and that turned into once a week. After a bender, I would swear to never touch it again. My resolve used to last for weeks, now it wears off after about 2-3 days. There are times I can limit myself to a couple drinks without getting drunk, but lately, it is much more often that I consume excessive amounts, even after telling myself I won't. Woke up still drunk twice in the last month. I had a very important Saturday planned that instead was spent being dizzy and throwing up; even though I told myself for weeks I wouldn't go out the night before. Missed work within the last month. Have broken all my limits and rules within weeks of setting them (beer/wine only, no drinking during the week, no more than 3 at a time). I know I am an alcoholic and it is only going to get progressively worse. My pattern is that I swear I'll quit right after the depression/anxiety/regret of a bender, but 3-4 days later, it just doesn't seem all that bad. The problem is, it is really bad. Drinking causes me to become a promiscuous liar, and a suicidal one at that. While I have not (yet) gotten a DUI or any criminal consequences/arrest, nor lost a job, the damage has been extreme (many lost relationships, massive amounts of humiliation, two broken ankles, and drunk dials that would make you cringe). I'd love to hear from those of you who have had a similar experience, and how you get past day 3-4. I have tried AA sporadically, but honestly, most of the time I end up stopping at a bar on my way home
I saw some posters talk about how hard getting sober is in the state of Wisconsin - I'm right there with you.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,497
Getting sober anywhere is hard, it's just really hard. But, you can do it!
Day 3/4 is a tough one because the worst of the feeling bad is easing up and it's the point where you can begin to make positive changes in your life (hard to do) or go back to drinking. And, many of us stumble back to drinking. You need to power through Day 3 and 4 and get beyond it and start to be the person you want to be.
Day 3/4 is a tough one because the worst of the feeling bad is easing up and it's the point where you can begin to make positive changes in your life (hard to do) or go back to drinking. And, many of us stumble back to drinking. You need to power through Day 3 and 4 and get beyond it and start to be the person you want to be.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome to SR!
Yup. It's called addiction.
Take a few deep breaths. We can help you with that.
What's your plan for the next time you feel like it wasn't so bad? You know that's coming, right?
Originally Posted by lovetolisten 
My pattern is that I swear I'll quit right after the depression/anxiety/regret of a bender, but 3-4 days later, it just doesn't seem all that bad.
Take a few deep breaths. We can help you with that.
What's your plan for the next time you feel like it wasn't so bad? You know that's coming, right?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,870
Welcome to SR, lovetolisten; I am very glad that you found us.
I was a daily, excessive, wine drinker; I had quite literally thousands of failed Day 1s; at the end, I was exhausted, broken and defeated. I simply could not continue that way of living. I had reached the point where a life with alcohol was scarier than a life with alcohol.
You can leave alcohol behind you and find a happier and more fulfilling way to live.
Have you thought of joining a Class here at SR. I'll post the link in a few minutes along with some really good links on formulating plans for sobriety.
I was a daily, excessive, wine drinker; I had quite literally thousands of failed Day 1s; at the end, I was exhausted, broken and defeated. I simply could not continue that way of living. I had reached the point where a life with alcohol was scarier than a life with alcohol.
You can leave alcohol behind you and find a happier and more fulfilling way to live.
Have you thought of joining a Class here at SR. I'll post the link in a few minutes along with some really good links on formulating plans for sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,870
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: South West England
Posts: 17
Hi lovetolisten,
Welcome to SR! I've only been here for a week so am new too. I'm a 27 year old female from the UK - I'm on day 3 right now.
I completely identify with so much of what you say in your post - drinking when you promise yourself you won't, missing work, lost relationships (this one still stings for me), drunk dialling, lying, depression and anxiety, the absolute self-hatred after a bender and swearing off alcohol only to be back on it soon enough (usually the next day for me). Endless carousel of chaos which can only end in total destruction.
I am not an expert on sobriety at all, but there are so many kind and knowledgeable people on this forum who I'm sure will be along with excellent advice. It is true, though, we must want to be sober more than we want to drink. For me it feels like taking a leap of faith into the unknown, into a future where my alcohol-free life will be a thousand times better than my booze-soaked one, by trusting what those who have done it say. Well done on taking the first step by posting!
Amber
Welcome to SR! I've only been here for a week so am new too. I'm a 27 year old female from the UK - I'm on day 3 right now.
I completely identify with so much of what you say in your post - drinking when you promise yourself you won't, missing work, lost relationships (this one still stings for me), drunk dialling, lying, depression and anxiety, the absolute self-hatred after a bender and swearing off alcohol only to be back on it soon enough (usually the next day for me). Endless carousel of chaos which can only end in total destruction.
I am not an expert on sobriety at all, but there are so many kind and knowledgeable people on this forum who I'm sure will be along with excellent advice. It is true, though, we must want to be sober more than we want to drink. For me it feels like taking a leap of faith into the unknown, into a future where my alcohol-free life will be a thousand times better than my booze-soaked one, by trusting what those who have done it say. Well done on taking the first step by posting!
Amber
It's hard at first, getting sober, but the rewards are worth the effort it takes. And if feels wonderful to be free of the addiction. 
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Somerset
Posts: 933
Hi lovetolisten,
Come on in, the water's lovely.
Sounds like you do what I did about making rules only to break them. Wine only. Beer only. No spirits. Only weekends. Only this. Only That.
You maybe played around with different hangover cures as well?
Keep coming back and reading and posting and you'll get amazing support here.
Best wishes to you on your journey.
Come on in, the water's lovely.
Sounds like you do what I did about making rules only to break them. Wine only. Beer only. No spirits. Only weekends. Only this. Only That.
You maybe played around with different hangover cures as well?
Keep coming back and reading and posting and you'll get amazing support here.
Best wishes to you on your journey.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: Canada
Posts: 22
I am on day 6. Was also a functioning alcoholic. Some days I didn't drink, but when I did, I couldn't stop and it took more and more alcohol to even feel intoxicated. My weekends were reserved for binge drinking - thought I deserved a reward for making it through the week. The good news is the the self-loathing (and guilt) started to disappear on day 5 for me. We need to focus on the positive and what we can do, rather than what we have done. You will find a lot of support here. Keep reading the posts and make plans to help you stay sober.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Gulf Coast, USA
Posts: 2,229
Welcome to SR Lovetolisten. You've found a great community that has helped many; me included.
Early on, I found being as active here as possible, coming up with a plan, and doing anything and everything in my power to divert my attention from drinking helped tremendously.
Bottom line is you can do this. Lean on us as much as you need to get through the tough times.
Early on, I found being as active here as possible, coming up with a plan, and doing anything and everything in my power to divert my attention from drinking helped tremendously.
Bottom line is you can do this. Lean on us as much as you need to get through the tough times.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: PA
Posts: 12,000
welcome to the forum... I think it's hard getting sober regardless of in which state you reside, assuming you have crossed 'that line'.
try reading this...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post3456630
then read the AVRT crash course... give it a try
try reading this...
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post3456630
then read the AVRT crash course... give it a try
Trudgin
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 6,348
Welcome, glad you're here
First off, getting sober in Wisconsin is no harder than getting sober in Greenland or Antarctica. There is no geographic cure nor place the make me drink more. If I were Tom Hanks on the island in Castaway, I'd have fermented coconut milk or berries of some sort brewing! Alcoholics find a way to liquor, anywhere.
I promise there is some great sobriety in Wisconsin! Where there are drunks, there are those who have recovered. However, a fish is the last to know what water is.......
SR is wonderful, global engagement of those seeking sobriety and recovery. I have found it remarkable. I also am steeped in AA and and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. When I decided it was time to get serious these two amazing resources appeared to me. I took the first step of willingness and sobriety at all costs.
It works if you work it, and no stopping at the bar after a meeting! I got a sponsor, phone numbers , a Book and continue to do step work. It's a simple program, truly.
Glad you're here posting, friend - Welcome!
First off, getting sober in Wisconsin is no harder than getting sober in Greenland or Antarctica. There is no geographic cure nor place the make me drink more. If I were Tom Hanks on the island in Castaway, I'd have fermented coconut milk or berries of some sort brewing! Alcoholics find a way to liquor, anywhere.
I promise there is some great sobriety in Wisconsin! Where there are drunks, there are those who have recovered. However, a fish is the last to know what water is.......
SR is wonderful, global engagement of those seeking sobriety and recovery. I have found it remarkable. I also am steeped in AA and and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. When I decided it was time to get serious these two amazing resources appeared to me. I took the first step of willingness and sobriety at all costs.
It works if you work it, and no stopping at the bar after a meeting! I got a sponsor, phone numbers , a Book and continue to do step work. It's a simple program, truly.
Glad you're here posting, friend - Welcome!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 197
Thank you for all of this great information. While I am still on my high of "I'll never do it again," I am going to do my best to come up with a true plan for keeping sober, including this site. Thus far, just swearing it off has not been sufficient. Some of you other new people, I read your posts in other threads and it was so reassuring that I am not alone! No excuses on living in Wisconsin - I just happened to see some other comments about it and wanted to personalize a little bit Thanks again, everyone.
Thanks again, everyone.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 112
Welcome aboard! Day 3 and 4 are the hardest for me, but if you can get through it, it gets a little easier from there. I'm at 32 today, and this is another one of my tough times usually, but this time around I feel great.
You can do it!
You can do it!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,424
Hello and welcome
Sounds like your "functional" stage is about over.
That's what got me sober, and it can you too.
I was worried about my drinking having professional consequences
as I too was breaking my own drinking rules with increasing frequency.
You can certainly get past Day 4 but you need to make a plan to deal with
cravings and triggers and to fill your former drinking time.
You may need to see your Doctor to get some help with withdrawals
I joined a gym and started hiking.
I began a journal, read novels, watched old movies,
and quit hanging around any drinking friends or drinking places.
I ate well, got plenty of sleep, and took up yoga and meditation to manage stress.
I also did a short round of cognitive therapy to identify core issues which
triggered my choosing to numb feelings instead of feeling them.
Wasn't easy, but wasn't nearly as bad as I thought.
I love being sober and knowing what I did and said.
I feel secure in my work performance and I sleep well.
My only regret is not quitting many years earlier when
I was still calling myself a "functional alcoholic".
You can do it and we will gladly support and encourage you
Sounds like your "functional" stage is about over.
That's what got me sober, and it can you too.
I was worried about my drinking having professional consequences
as I too was breaking my own drinking rules with increasing frequency.
You can certainly get past Day 4 but you need to make a plan to deal with
cravings and triggers and to fill your former drinking time.
You may need to see your Doctor to get some help with withdrawals
I joined a gym and started hiking.
I began a journal, read novels, watched old movies,
and quit hanging around any drinking friends or drinking places.
I ate well, got plenty of sleep, and took up yoga and meditation to manage stress.
I also did a short round of cognitive therapy to identify core issues which
triggered my choosing to numb feelings instead of feeling them.
Wasn't easy, but wasn't nearly as bad as I thought.
I love being sober and knowing what I did and said.
I feel secure in my work performance and I sleep well.
My only regret is not quitting many years earlier when
I was still calling myself a "functional alcoholic".
You can do it and we will gladly support and encourage you
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