Wildcat Woman

I know I have a problem, but how can I change to a sober person without my family knowing? They do not know about my daily habit, I can't even tell my friends that are always using too. I have always suffered from severe depression, mostly chemical now and this has become my new solace. I don't have anyone to help me find a way to begin to make me happy again. Socialization is either using coke or people that do not and should not know. I don't want to become that "coke head" and lose the respect in my community I have continued to have even through my decent into daily use. I don't want to disapoint my parents again, I could not take that, I would rather keep on in my current situation than hurt my family. How can I begin to change with out letting everyone know I have a problem? I have to fix this on my own, I am already that crazy depressed girl that the majority of my family and friends don't understand and don't need the added burden of yet another problem in my life. Where do I start? I have never been in a chat room or posting site before, so I need a little guideance on what to do. Thank you so much for any thoughts on this. It is so good to get out my inner torment to someone who will not judge or make everything horrible immediately. Please help me, thank you in advance.

jpc2505

I am going through a similar situation right now. I haven't told my family or employer about my problem, I'm sure that I will discuss it with my family at some point but for now I've only been off of coke for 4 days and I'm not ready to handle that just yet. I would recommend going to NA or CA meetings, it helps just to meet people that are going through the same thing. The first week is really rough on your body, I have had crying jags, insomnia, and have had to really watch my temper. You may want to play sick and stay home from work for the first couple of days. I know my first day sober I read stories in here for hours on end, it made me feel a little less lonely. Maybe you could blame the side effects on pms to your family? As for socializing with people that use coke, I have a lot of respectable friends who use coke on a social level and it doesn't seem to affect their life like it does mine...I haven't been around these people at all. At some point I will have to tell them I can no longer be around it, either that or cut off the relationships. And I'm not planning on socializing with them at all until I have considerably more time and willpower behind me. I hope things work out for you, and please bear in mind that I only have four days of sober time, so don't put money on any of my advice! Thanks to the lovely insomnia I'm here pretty much all the time lately, so feel free to pm me if you need to chat.

Magichappens

Getting clean and sober is not easy. I am not an alcoholic/addict, but I have been around them all my life, both sober and using. Just remember that recovery is a personal decision, and that it comes ahead of other peoples' opinions. There is a lot of support available from people who have been through it and understand what you are going through. Don't deny yourself the opportunity to change because some people in your life won't understand. In the end, those who care about you will still care. Hugs, Magic

Wildcat Woman

Thank you for your thoughts and advice. How do I find an NA group? I will need lots of resources since I CAN NOT tell my family or friends. That would make all of the problems WAY worse. I am not to the bottom yet, I want to climb out in a way that no one's memorys can place me back down. I have to remain strong. Does anyone know about NA meetings or other contacts in the Lexington, KY area? I have all the time in the world since I am unemployed and can not find a job that I can take since currently my search criteria includes no drug test and enough money to support my habit. I want to change this. Has anyone else experienced this problem? I must stand on my own, I have my babies (2 cats & 1 dog) to keep me motivated. They are my entire reason for kepping on and the same reason I can not let my family and friends know about this problem. If they find out, I will be sent to rehab, lose my home, take my parents last money so their $ troubles WILL lead to a divorce and no retirement for my mom. I can not let my babies down. They are like my children and I have to take care of them here. Has anyone dealt with anything like this before? I fell very alone, but your support has helped me. jpc2505, I am sending you a mental hug. It is so hard to step away from not only drugs, but your entire social life and basically who you are. I hope that you can find a way to make a better new life for yourself. You have lots of courage. I don't know how to leave everything behind yet.

Magichappens

Here are some links that may help. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/local_links.php

Also, check out the alcoholism and drug addiction forums. There is a lot of support there. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/

Take care and hugs, Magic

jpc2505

Wildcat, have you considered taking on some sort of project? Sometimes having all the time in the world isn't the best thing when you're trying to stay sober. I only work 2 days a week right now, and had waaay too much time on my hands last week. It seems like I was thinking about coke constantly! So yesterday I painted a bathroom and have colors picked out for the rest of the house. I figure that by the time I get done with the entire house I should be a little better adjusted to sober life. Plus it feels really good to do something productive during the day instead of feeling horrible from staying up all night. Hope you have a great day, ttyl....Lisa

Chy

Hi and welcome!
Ya know, I was the same way. Only my husband knew the extent of my problem. But when I committed to quitting, I had nothing but support from those around me. I simply said, I just need a bit of help with my drinking as I'm liking it way to much, and not liking how that makes me feel. Surprisingly, it wasn't as big a secret as I thought, as most were concerned about me for a long time, but didn't have the courage to say anything, not that it would have mattered anyway.

I hope you give NA a try. Here are some additional links you may want to research.
www.na.org
www.ca.org

sherbear5104

Hi and Welcome,

I also hope that you will try NA or CA. There are wonderful people int those rooms that understand what you are going through, because they have been where you are. It's not easy, but it is well worth it. I used the drug you speak of daily, for many years. I haven't touched it in over 4 months, thanks to NA/AA and SoberRecovery. Keep posting, and check out a meeting.

Sherry

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi WW.

You're in my neck of the woods. The local number for NA is 253-4673. I can't make any meeting recommendations myself because I am one of those "family ofs". Hope this helps.

Hugs,
Smoke