AD has relapsed after 3 years

Old 12-10-2015, 10:31 AM
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AD has relapsed after 3 years

Hello all. I was planning to post a success story here because I was so grateful that my daughter had come so far out of the depths that I hoped it might help someone else from despair. She gave birth to a little boy 2 years ago and he is the apple of my eye. She had taken excellent care of him on her own, regained visitation with her 7 year old daughter, got a decent job, and moved into her own apartment 6 months ago. She even got her license back as well as a car. Needless to say, I was so very proud of her.

Over the past few days, she went on a bender. Her boss told me she had not called out, but hadn't shown up for work. I knew right away, and had suspected that something was up for several days before that. When I got to her apartment, she and her son were sleeping on the couch. She didn't wake up as I packed his things and took him from her arms. There was an almost-empty bottle of vodka in the freezer. She woke up enough to see me putting on his coat, but didn't protest.

That night she sobered up enough to talk. I didn't hide my anger and disappointment. She said she was upset, too, but couldn't point to anything specific that triggered the slip. She wanted her son back, but I told her not yet. She said she would call me in the morning, and she did. But she didn't feel up to going to work, so I said I would check with her later. My husband stayed with my grandson and I went over about 2 hours later. Again she was passed out on the couch, and an almost empty bottle of vodka was in the fridge.

I gave her the choice of going to the hospital with me or calling 911 and when she objected, I called for help. She paced around pleaded and I ignored her. I let the police officer and medics handle it from there. They allowed her to choose between hospital or going with the police. She spent the day in the ER detoxing from a blood alcohol level of 2.79.

I told her I would not go down this road again. I hoped she would stay sober now but if it ever happened again, another daughter and I would be in touch with CPS to gain custody of her son.

I talked to her last night and a couple of times today. She said she went to a meeting this morning and got a lot of phone numbers. She talked to her boss and is going to work tomorrow. My question is, how long do I keep her son away from her? We technically don't have authority to do it, but I don't think she would object because of the circumstances. I know it's too soon to leave her alone with him, but assuming she stays sober, how long is long enough? Any opinions would be appreciated!
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Old 12-10-2015, 11:30 AM
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I don't know the answer to your question but I wanted to give you a hug and let you know that taking the child with you out of potential harm's way was the right thing to do
This forum is for those of us who have/had an alcoholic parent.
Maybe someone who has gone through something similar with their child would be able to give you there feedback on this subforum
NEW! Family Members of Addicts and Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 12-10-2015, 11:39 AM
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Hi PL,

My heart aches for you as I can only imagine the emotional challenge for all involved, especially you. I do not have experience or advice to offer but it appears as if your daughter has quite a bit of self work to do and indefinite custody of your grandson, if possible, is in everyone's best interest.

For your grandson, health and safety are key, both of which were at risk during this last bender. Can they now reasonably be assured? This is up to your daughter alone to work towards. How does she feel about this current situation and with whom is she working? What is her plan? This is all up to her and she is darn lucky to have your support.

There are a few forums here with excellent experience and advice dedicated for family and friends of alcoholics:

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

NEW! Family Members of Addicts and Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Hugs for you.
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Old 12-10-2015, 02:24 PM
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I would let her visit her son, but if she is in agreement, keep him away for a while. She needs to focus on herself right now, and possibly cannot do that with her son there.

Just my thought...
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Old 12-10-2015, 02:27 PM
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I'm so sorry that you are going through this! Thank you for protecting her son while your daughter works to find her way back to sobriety. I'm not sure of the answer to your question, although I would say that at least for now, it is not something that needs to immediately be decided. I'm glad he is safe and your daughter can now focus on doing what she needs to do.

I wanted to let you know that I moved your thread to Friends and Family of Alcoholics since that appears to be where you have shared your story previously.

Your daughter knows how to stay sober - I hope that she will dust off those tools and rebuild a life that in time she can share again with her son.
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Old 12-10-2015, 03:42 PM
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I'm so sorry, PerhapsLove. I'm afraid I don't have any answer to your question about how long, but wanted to send hugs and wish you continued strength. Your grandchildren are so lucky to have you and your husband.
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Old 12-10-2015, 03:49 PM
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PerhapsLove.....God bless grandmothers!

One thing that I noticed.....she "went to a meeting and got some numbers".....I could be wrong, of course, but, I get the impression that she was new to the group and, maybe, has not been going to AA on a regular basis.
Not working a regular program can lay the groundwork for relapse......

If she has not committed to really working a program of recovery....and getting a sponsor, and working the steps..etc.....I would take that into consideration when you are thinking about how soon she can have her son back....
I DO realize that you have no legal right to him, right now.....but, she may let you keep him for a while and not push the issue under the circumstances.....

These are only my thoughts and suggestions.....if they can be of any use for you.....

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Old 12-10-2015, 03:57 PM
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Just sending hugs abd prayers for strength.
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Old 12-10-2015, 04:06 PM
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You are correct, dandylion. She had not been going to meetings for some time before the relapse. I am hopeful she will take full advantage of the support this time.
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