STBXAH's Dog
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
STBXAH's Dog
Oy. So, back in 2007, after STBXAH served his jail time for his third DUI and was sober and working a recovery program, he adopted a dog. The dog had been very, very badly abused by a prior owner (beaten nearly to death with a baseball bat). When STBXAH and I reconnected, we each brought our dogs into the relationship (and ultimately, the marriage). When he adopted the dog, the rescue could not be sure how old this dog was. They estimated anywhere from 4-8 years old, which would make this dog at least 12 years old now, but probably older. He is of a breed where the typical life expectancy is 10-12 years.
One of the umpteen excuses I made for myself to not leave sooner was this dog. Partly because of how much I love this dog, and partly because I knew that when the dog passes away, it will send STBXAH into a spiral. STBXAH never cared much for my dog, but I love his dog very much. And as STBXAH relapsed and sunk deeper in his addiction, he took less care of his dog. He went from walking him every day at least once, to MAYBE walking him once a month. The dog has been in declining health for the last couple of years. In fact, a year ago when we had a huge blowup, STBXAH asked me not to leave him until after the dog passed. Well, obviously, even though I didn't leave at that time, I didn't wait for the dog to pass, either. You better believe he threw that in my face when I finally did leave. If I could have taken that dog with me, I would have. But it would have been a very dramatic battle with STBXAH to do so, and the apartment I ultimately found would only accept dogs under 25 pounds (and STBXAH's dog is pushing 100 pounds).
The dog has pretty serious arthritis, and multiple benign fatty growths on his torso. This morning, the dog apparently could barely stand up. Please keep this sweet dog in your thoughts. I do know that this dog is very much a symbol of a time in his life when STBXAH had put his life back together, and he is in some ways STBXAH's last remaining "evidence" of a better time. But I no longer worry about what his passing will do to STBXAH's disease. Not my business. I am praying for the dog's comfort, and for my STBXAH to have the wisdom to do what is right, based on what the vet says. STBXAH can't take the dog to the vet until Saturday, so I offered to take the dog in today. There is no reason for this animal to suffer for two more days. My guess is that the vet will prescribe a round of anti-inflammatories and pain meds, and that we will just have to wait and see how the dog responds. It may just be his time. I feel good about my decision to step in and take the dog in to the vet. I'm doing it for the dog, not for STBXAH, and not to shield STBXAH from any consequences of his actions.
One of the umpteen excuses I made for myself to not leave sooner was this dog. Partly because of how much I love this dog, and partly because I knew that when the dog passes away, it will send STBXAH into a spiral. STBXAH never cared much for my dog, but I love his dog very much. And as STBXAH relapsed and sunk deeper in his addiction, he took less care of his dog. He went from walking him every day at least once, to MAYBE walking him once a month. The dog has been in declining health for the last couple of years. In fact, a year ago when we had a huge blowup, STBXAH asked me not to leave him until after the dog passed. Well, obviously, even though I didn't leave at that time, I didn't wait for the dog to pass, either. You better believe he threw that in my face when I finally did leave. If I could have taken that dog with me, I would have. But it would have been a very dramatic battle with STBXAH to do so, and the apartment I ultimately found would only accept dogs under 25 pounds (and STBXAH's dog is pushing 100 pounds).
The dog has pretty serious arthritis, and multiple benign fatty growths on his torso. This morning, the dog apparently could barely stand up. Please keep this sweet dog in your thoughts. I do know that this dog is very much a symbol of a time in his life when STBXAH had put his life back together, and he is in some ways STBXAH's last remaining "evidence" of a better time. But I no longer worry about what his passing will do to STBXAH's disease. Not my business. I am praying for the dog's comfort, and for my STBXAH to have the wisdom to do what is right, based on what the vet says. STBXAH can't take the dog to the vet until Saturday, so I offered to take the dog in today. There is no reason for this animal to suffer for two more days. My guess is that the vet will prescribe a round of anti-inflammatories and pain meds, and that we will just have to wait and see how the dog responds. It may just be his time. I feel good about my decision to step in and take the dog in to the vet. I'm doing it for the dog, not for STBXAH, and not to shield STBXAH from any consequences of his actions.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Wisconsin, you know my thoughts are with you and the old guy. As others have said, this is clearly something you are doing out of love and kindness for the dog in his waning days; the only connection to STBXAH is that the dog happens to belong to him.
It seems it would be kindest for all if this was in fact the end or nearly so for the hound, but I know from experience that things don't always work out that way...
I will hold you both in my heart today and I will light my lamp for you both tonight.
It seems it would be kindest for all if this was in fact the end or nearly so for the hound, but I know from experience that things don't always work out that way...
I will hold you both in my heart today and I will light my lamp for you both tonight.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
I am so sorry for this pain in your life. I can relate very much. We have an old dog who we rescued over 13 years ago. At the time, he was supposed to be 2-3 years old. He has been such a staple in our lives and even was diagnosed with cancer a few years ago and has just kept on "trooping." My alcoholic mother often comments on how he is an inspiration to her and not even a month ago, I was crying to my husband that when we lose our dog, I think my mom will lose all hope, too. Again, I am so sorry.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Thanks so much for the support, everyone.
FireSprite, my girls are aware that he is declining. He was their dog, too, for six years. My oldest, especially, adores him. She also detests STBXAH with the force of a thousand supernovas. I hope that when the time comes to say goodbye, that she will be able to go say goodbye to him without her animosity for STBXAH getting in the way. But I will support her decision no matter what it is. DS is only 5, and he knows that the dog is old and not feeling well, but I don't think he has any memory of him being younger and active. I also don't think he really has any concept of what it will mean when the dog passes.
The vet visit went OK today. By the time I went to pick him up, the dog was able to stand on his own. I lifted him into my car (no small feat for a dog that weighs 100 pounds) and back out when we got to the vet. The vet felt around his spine, and gently worked his back legs (where the arthritis is worst) to check for anything that might be spinal. She feels it is his arthritis flaring, and getting worse. They did do a blood draw, which will check his kidney and liver function (necessary for the painkillers and anti-inflammatories they gave him), but also things like white blood cell count so they can rule out any other issues.
Oooooo, she was MAD that STBXAH has not kept the dog on a regimen of anti-inflammatories and painkillers. She feels very, very strongly that these are likely his final months, and it is STBXAH's responsibility to keep him comfortable during that time. No weaning off the meds. This is not a 30-day course of stuff to get the arthritis "under control."
She gave me a 30-day supply of both meds. Assuming they give the poor dog some relief, she will refill them for a longer period (like 90 days).
I was pretty stern with STBXAH about the meds, and refilling them when they run out. He was pretty contrite...moreso than he's ever been with anything relating to me, anyway. LOL
I'm not going to go nutso trying to "manage" the situation, but when I am there on Wednesday mornings (I go every Wednesday morning because DS spends Tuesday nights with STBXAH, and STBXAH has to leave for work really, really early. So I go over to finish getting DS ready for school, and I drop him at before school care, which isn't even open yet at the time STBXAH leaves) I'm going to check to see if the meds are starting to run low, and then I'm going to push HARD for him to refill them. I want to look at for this poor dog, but in a way that doesn't trigger all my codie BS.
FireSprite, my girls are aware that he is declining. He was their dog, too, for six years. My oldest, especially, adores him. She also detests STBXAH with the force of a thousand supernovas. I hope that when the time comes to say goodbye, that she will be able to go say goodbye to him without her animosity for STBXAH getting in the way. But I will support her decision no matter what it is. DS is only 5, and he knows that the dog is old and not feeling well, but I don't think he has any memory of him being younger and active. I also don't think he really has any concept of what it will mean when the dog passes.
The vet visit went OK today. By the time I went to pick him up, the dog was able to stand on his own. I lifted him into my car (no small feat for a dog that weighs 100 pounds) and back out when we got to the vet. The vet felt around his spine, and gently worked his back legs (where the arthritis is worst) to check for anything that might be spinal. She feels it is his arthritis flaring, and getting worse. They did do a blood draw, which will check his kidney and liver function (necessary for the painkillers and anti-inflammatories they gave him), but also things like white blood cell count so they can rule out any other issues.
Oooooo, she was MAD that STBXAH has not kept the dog on a regimen of anti-inflammatories and painkillers. She feels very, very strongly that these are likely his final months, and it is STBXAH's responsibility to keep him comfortable during that time. No weaning off the meds. This is not a 30-day course of stuff to get the arthritis "under control."
She gave me a 30-day supply of both meds. Assuming they give the poor dog some relief, she will refill them for a longer period (like 90 days).
I was pretty stern with STBXAH about the meds, and refilling them when they run out. He was pretty contrite...moreso than he's ever been with anything relating to me, anyway. LOL
I'm not going to go nutso trying to "manage" the situation, but when I am there on Wednesday mornings (I go every Wednesday morning because DS spends Tuesday nights with STBXAH, and STBXAH has to leave for work really, really early. So I go over to finish getting DS ready for school, and I drop him at before school care, which isn't even open yet at the time STBXAH leaves) I'm going to check to see if the meds are starting to run low, and then I'm going to push HARD for him to refill them. I want to look at for this poor dog, but in a way that doesn't trigger all my codie BS.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
It is so hard when a helpless creature (animal or kid) is suffering b/c the person who SHOULD be responsible for their welfare ISN'T DOING IT.
Ever since having my old Sam Dog, the ancient basset, I have thought that when I am retired or semi-retired, I am going to have a dog hospice, to take in cases like this and make sure they are comfortable, loved and attended to in every moment of their last days. It was a gift to have Sammy at the end of his days--he tore my heart right in half but I would do it again in a second.
Off to light my lamp for you and this hound. You've done what you can.
Ever since having my old Sam Dog, the ancient basset, I have thought that when I am retired or semi-retired, I am going to have a dog hospice, to take in cases like this and make sure they are comfortable, loved and attended to in every moment of their last days. It was a gift to have Sammy at the end of his days--he tore my heart right in half but I would do it again in a second.
Off to light my lamp for you and this hound. You've done what you can.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
W,
I am so sorry!! You will know in your heart when the time is right, not to soon and not over due, just right!! Believe in yourself to make the right decision.
My 14 year old dog wont get in my car anymore, as she fell backwards out of it a couple months ago. I cried, realizing when I have to put her down AXH will have to get her in his car. It is not easy, as their smiling face and wagging tales were much comfort going through "hxll" with our addicts.
Hugs my friend, enjoy him/her these last few months!!
I am so sorry!! You will know in your heart when the time is right, not to soon and not over due, just right!! Believe in yourself to make the right decision.
My 14 year old dog wont get in my car anymore, as she fell backwards out of it a couple months ago. I cried, realizing when I have to put her down AXH will have to get her in his car. It is not easy, as their smiling face and wagging tales were much comfort going through "hxll" with our addicts.
Hugs my friend, enjoy him/her these last few months!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
I have to mention it here; my pup and I had a very sweet accident today. We stepped in wet cement, actually we walked on it, because I could not even tell it was wet. And of course we left some footprints. At first I was totally freaked out because I did not want to mess up somebody's work. But now I am thinking, especially after reading your stories, those little paw prints will be there for a long time. And they remind me how pets are very special and kind and noble and always there for you. They so deserve our love.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
I saw him today briefly when I picked up DS, and Mr. Dog looked so much better. I mean, he is still super old, and his time is short. But his pain was clearly MUCH diminished.
Thanks again for the kind words. <3
Thanks again for the kind words. <3
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
