Mrrryah1

Early sobriety. Hate, hate, hate. I can't stop psyching myself out with these obsessive thoughts.

"Who are you kidding? You're never going to stay sober FOR-EVVVVER. You've tried a million times before and never been successful *scoff*. What's the point of wasting time in these meetings? What's the point of building these recovery relationships? You're hopeless. You're going to fail anyways. You can just drink tonight and feel better. You can drink tonight. You can drink tonight. You're not ready to quit for good anyways. You would KNOW if you were. So why fight it when you could have some temporary relief?"

I have this wicked pre-occupation with the fact that everybody tells me about how when they hit their "bottom" they 'just knew' they were done with drinking absolutely forever. Well - I've thought that before, and sincerely believed it to my very core. I thought it immediately after my last relapse, when I got my DUI, I truly though - this is IT.

But today (and yesterday admittedly) I'm questioning everything.

What if it's not "it"? How do I know? Wouldn't I know - I mean - REALLY KNOW. These people all tell me they KNEW. And I don't know if I necessarily KNOW that I'm done forever. I mean - I've said it before and I wasn't. Does that mean I'm probably wrong again? Does that mean I'm wasting my time even trying? Does that mean I should just give in? Will these thoughts and feelings ever pass?

Somebody help me sort some of these messed up thoughts in my head pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease.

Sincerely,
forever bottom chasing M.

JD

Don't give up for ever. Just for today. Then tomorrow do it again. Thinking about forever just freaks you out as you know. And don't worry about a bottom.

Anna

Hi M, It's so good to see you again.

In my opinion, you're over-thinking the situation. You can do this and stop drinking. You can choose to stick with it and move forward. You don't need to give in and give up. You are worth the hard work of getting and staying sober.

Hugs to you!

beautifulpines

I could have written your post! This time around I'm aware that I probably won't survive more relapses - body has had enough - but boy does the brain get going. It's true, we just have today to get through and be relieved to wake-up sober tomorrow. Right there with you.

sc0ot3r1982

Hello,

Please don't give up. I'm new (for the umpteenth time) to sobriety also. I'm on week 3 and still going thru w/d, cravings, racing thoughts all that stuff. "can I do this?", "if I drink i'll feel better.", "one won't hurt.", "PLEASE drink so I feel better!!!" (Body saying that last one). Hang in there because YOU are worth the rewards that come from sobriety. You wouldn't be here if you didn't want to be sober. Work your program, keep busy, have faith. Trust me I completely understand and I am where you are. I'm trying to tell myself all the things I just told you. It does suck but we have to believe that it will get better for us all. Just keep your head up and work towards it. If you need people to talk to that are going thru this with you, we are all here for ya.

Scottie

ScottFromWI

There is really no such thing as a definition of "bottom". Unless you want to count death...which you very nearly reached last time you were here

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...e-up-call.html

You can make the choice to quit or you can make the choice to keep drinking, regardless of what other people tell you was their "bottom". It's simply a point in time where they decided to get sober - what actually happened to them is not relevant.

Have you done any structured counseling or organized sobriety groups/plans in the past? That could be very beneficial in getting you through the initial phase. It DOES get better..I can promise you that.

Surrender2win

One day at a time... one hour at a time... one minute at a time... Don't think about forever. It will drag you down a slippery slope very fast. Just focus on today. I post in the 24 hour thread on a daily basis. It has been huge in keeping me accountable. We're all in this together. Sending big hugs your way.

PurpleKnight

I wouldn't worry about all that, I never did, the reality was alcohol was affecting my life, that was it, things were not going to end well unless I took alcohol out of the equation.

That was it, nothing any more complex than that!!

Breath Mrrryah and just ask yourself would your life be better if alcohol was out of the picture!!

doggonecarl

Everyone who has quit drinking has had those thoughts. The ones who attained lasting sobriety did so by not giving in to those thoughts.

Ultramarathoner

I prefer to think that the battle is not over until one wins.

The fact that you are still fighting speaks to your grit. Try to change your self talk to affirm that quality and other positive aspects you have- or want to claim.

You- and everyone- has it within them to beat this.

strategery

One of the things you might want to ask yourself, is how much worse do you want things to get before you finally decide to quit? Your bottom is ultimately up to you. However, you can learn from the bottoms of others, so you don't have to suffer the same fate.

least

I thought you were going to inpatient after your od. I hope you can get sober for good before it kills you.

red3215

I'm also terrified of relapsing. But I don't think anyone KNOWS they'll never drink again. I've known it before, too, then drank again.
But I have discovered that I only slip up when I stop taking this life threatening disease seriously and quit doing the things that were helping me stay sober.

Carlotta

I did not know you had Oded
Early sobriety is rough but I truly hope you will stick with it and push through. It will get better.
Don't give up before the miracle happens and don't listen to your freaking AV.
I'm glad to see you back

Dee74

Hi Myrrrah

Like Anna said, I tried to keep it simple.
Do not do drugs or drink booze.

It may not be easy, but it is simple.

Build up a support network to contact & use when things are looking wobbly...but above all remember - not drinking/drugging will not kill you.

Each day I made a simple vow to stay clean and sober. I think that's within anyone's power - just 24 hours.

Then you back up and you do it again.

That simple process saved my life.

Here are two of the best links you'll ever read

https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...SMA12-4474.pdf

https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf
D

bigsombrero

In my experience, I knew I was done when I saw my "investment in sobriety" start to pay dividends. Getting sober for one week or one month won't show you results. Before I saw the fruits of my labor with my own two eyes....well, I was just hanging on to sobriety for dear life and not too thrilled about it. Quitting isn't easy. That's why we say "it's tough sledding in the beginning" and never want to go back there again.

The best advice in early sobriety is just to trust those who have been there. Do not drink. Period. You won't "know" this was the right time until many months (or years) after today. Sorry if it's not what you wanted to hear, but that's my take!

Good luck. Do not drink. Period.

Mrrryah1

Dividends of sobriety! That I can hang on to love it hehe. Having a sober night at home with the pets and feeling a bit better. Thanks all!

Arbor

Great post.

Like the others said I would just concentrate on the moment not drinking for today. Make that commitment for 24 hours then follow it up again tomorrow. But the key is: "Today I will not drink. Just for today." I was deeply inspired when I finally got that. It's then just a matter of using the tools and resources to fulfill that 24 hr commitment.

On another note, I actually love early on sobriety. It can be quite inspiring when the gears in the brain start moving again. It's months down the road that have gotten me in the past. But not this time. Good luck!

wehav2day

Good topic!

Ya know, I was just posting the other day that there was no "magical moment" for me. I never got a DUI by some miracle, I hadn't lost my job (yet), I hadn't lost my partner (yet), I still had my health (kinda)...

I was well on the way to losing all of the good stuff in my life. I waited for some magical moment when I would be cured of the obsession to drink. That moment never came.

Instead, I just told myself "not tonight." Then the next morning I said, "not today." I'd done that before, but this time I stuck to it. My messed up alkie brain told me all the same things yours is telling you now. I gritted my teeth and kept saying, "not today."

I started a recovery plan, and stuck to it even when I thought it was mostly ********.especially then. After a while, the obsession waned. Now it's gone.

I think "one day I just KNEW" happens for some. It probably makes a good story for some others, or they look back and remember a defining moment. For me, it was more of a get on with it, go or get off the pot, moment. I just decided to get on with it.

Nothing spectacular, but it sure changed my life. Just don't drink tonight. Make the same promise to yourself tomorrow. Get on with it.

You can do it!

gonzo51511

I feel your pain.. first off like everyone else said you have to look at it 24 hrs at a time. One day at a time. Theres no formula of great advice. Just dont drink a day at a time, sometimes 10 min at time. For me praying is huge. And is far as bottoms go, you hit it when u stop digging. For me my desire to NOT drink finally got a little stronger than my desire to drink. Thats it, all it took to open the door just enough to let recovery in. Im now 4 months sober. And im relatively happy. Goo D luck .. its works if u work it