What about me and the kids
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 1
What about me and the kids
I have been in a relationship for five years now. We have two beautiful girls. I have always known he used heroin but he always kept it under control. But over the past 2 years he has lost several jobs because he let his habit make him sick and he couldn't go to work sick. He went to a treatment facility and got help because I told him it was drugs or his family. Things went good for a while but he started using again. His habit is becoming worse he is becoming more violent And openly says he doesn't care anymore. When he doesn't have any he gets violent with me and has done so few times in front of our girls.He also becomes very verbally and mentally abusive. I am scared that it will only get worse. I am worried that he will never stop and continue hurting me.I know he loves us but i think he loves the drugs more.I know that this is not healthy but everyone in his life has given up on him I don't want to add my name to that list but I know that our kids are more important and its gotten to the point where he will take any money I make and go buy a bag. I am torn because I love him but don't want our kids to grow up seeing the dad hit their mom or him be mean to them when he has none and then wonder what they did wrong. I just don't know what to do.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 508
I feel for you but I don't see any way forward from this situation that holds relief for you and your children except to accept that sadly he will not get better in this situation and to make a life without him, even temporarily, for the sake of all of your family.
You were right to say the situation will get worse, it's not possible to bargain/talk with/have a relationship with a person that is, IMO, unavailable for anything other than his addiction.
I'm sure it's not what you want to hear but this looks like a high speed train heading for a crash...hope you get the kids out before it blows up
Good luck and please think about you before him
Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself
You were right to say the situation will get worse, it's not possible to bargain/talk with/have a relationship with a person that is, IMO, unavailable for anything other than his addiction.
I'm sure it's not what you want to hear but this looks like a high speed train heading for a crash...hope you get the kids out before it blows up
Good luck and please think about you before him
Driving my wagon of hope through beautiful views on my road to myself
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
hi Solost.....just to let you know that there is a friends and family section of the forum where there are a lot of people that have through situations similar to theirs. I think it would be a really great idea to introduce yourself there and listen to some of what they have to say. Take Care.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I just don't know what to do.
yes you do. abuse is completely unacceptable, at any time for any reason. you are not safe, your CHILDREN are not safe. others will have good suggestions on getting DV support you can safely extricate yourself.
yes you do. abuse is completely unacceptable, at any time for any reason. you are not safe, your CHILDREN are not safe. others will have good suggestions on getting DV support you can safely extricate yourself.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Solost...
Welcome to the Board. I'm going to skip my usual preamble when greeting newcomers and cut to the chase.
Abuse, whether it is physical, mental, or emotional is simply unacceptable. You do not deserve to be on the receiving end of such behavior. There is nothing that you could ever do to deserve to be on the receiving end of such behavior.
Um, no he didn't. Once someone starts a dance with the White Lady, she always gets up the upper hand.
Below is a link I encourage you to check out:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...sed-woman.html
The most important thing at this moment is your safety and the safety of your children. In fact, that's the only thing that's important. We're here to support you. Please, be safe and keep us posted.
Welcome to the Board. I'm going to skip my usual preamble when greeting newcomers and cut to the chase.
Abuse, whether it is physical, mental, or emotional is simply unacceptable. You do not deserve to be on the receiving end of such behavior. There is nothing that you could ever do to deserve to be on the receiving end of such behavior.
I have been in a relationship for five years now. We have two beautiful girls. I have always known he used heroin but he always kept it under control.
Below is a link I encourage you to check out:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...sed-woman.html
The most important thing at this moment is your safety and the safety of your children. In fact, that's the only thing that's important. We're here to support you. Please, be safe and keep us posted.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
I just don't know what to do.
I think you do. I knew what I had to do. Reading my journal entries from three and four years ago I wrote, "I have to get away from him. I can't live like this."
Addiction is progressive, and so is violence and abuse. There's a strong possibility that even if he got sober tomorrow, the abuse would continue because they are two separate issues.
I had a huge emotional investment in helping my ex get sober. I was convinced that if he did, all the other awful things that were going on in our home would magically stop as well. Sadly that's not usually the case. We have a couple of members on the F&F of Alcoholics forum whose husbands quit drinking but continued (and actually escalated) the abuse they were perpetrating against their families.
As awful as the situation was in our home, I was paralyzed by fear of leaving. I felt guilt for abandoning him (he managed just fine without me), I didn't know how I was going to raise my sons alone (it's so much easier being a single mom without the overgrown manchild in the house, spending all the money, terrorizing the family). So many things kept me stuck. I was scared about custody and visitation, about having to start my life over.
This is a number you can call. 1-800-799-7233. It's the National Domestic Violence hotline. They can help you with the particulars of your situation- legal advice, safety planning, and just general support.
You and your children should not have to live in fear. Please take care. Keep posting so we know you're OK.
I think you do. I knew what I had to do. Reading my journal entries from three and four years ago I wrote, "I have to get away from him. I can't live like this."
Addiction is progressive, and so is violence and abuse. There's a strong possibility that even if he got sober tomorrow, the abuse would continue because they are two separate issues.
I had a huge emotional investment in helping my ex get sober. I was convinced that if he did, all the other awful things that were going on in our home would magically stop as well. Sadly that's not usually the case. We have a couple of members on the F&F of Alcoholics forum whose husbands quit drinking but continued (and actually escalated) the abuse they were perpetrating against their families.
As awful as the situation was in our home, I was paralyzed by fear of leaving. I felt guilt for abandoning him (he managed just fine without me), I didn't know how I was going to raise my sons alone (it's so much easier being a single mom without the overgrown manchild in the house, spending all the money, terrorizing the family). So many things kept me stuck. I was scared about custody and visitation, about having to start my life over.
This is a number you can call. 1-800-799-7233. It's the National Domestic Violence hotline. They can help you with the particulars of your situation- legal advice, safety planning, and just general support.
You and your children should not have to live in fear. Please take care. Keep posting so we know you're OK.
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