How to tell my family?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 8
How to tell my family?
I'm scared to tell my imediate family that im seeking treatment for issues with drugs and alcohol as I managed to hide a lot of it and appeared as a slightly functioning person.
I only live with my mum older sister and younger brother as my dad was addicted to cocaine and alcohol so we haven't spoke in a few years.
I just don't know how they'll take it as I've followed the same path my dad did and that's the reason for the divorce as his addiction was too much and he was violent.
My plan is to tell my family once I've had a meeting with a recovery support worker tomorrow so they know I have taken some steps to becoming sober.
Any advice?
I only live with my mum older sister and younger brother as my dad was addicted to cocaine and alcohol so we haven't spoke in a few years.
I just don't know how they'll take it as I've followed the same path my dad did and that's the reason for the divorce as his addiction was too much and he was violent.
My plan is to tell my family once I've had a meeting with a recovery support worker tomorrow so they know I have taken some steps to becoming sober.
Any advice?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 137
my honest and to the point, alcohol was wrecking my life, I'm doing this, this and this to sort it. Please give me support as it's going to be a rocky few months. What I said to mine and they were all falling over themselves to say they'll help me.....after a little bit of stunned silence to start with.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Raise this with your support worker Dan.
Every case is slightly different.
I didn;t really need to involve my family because I was not living at home, but I did involve them and I kind of regret that now because they didn't give me much support and instead they just worried for a while that I'd go back to it and end up dead....thats how my family rolls...
Others have found family support invaluable.
If you feel you need to involve your family in this decision (and the choice is yours) I'd lay it out honestly - you have a problem and you're getting help.
D
Every case is slightly different.
I didn;t really need to involve my family because I was not living at home, but I did involve them and I kind of regret that now because they didn't give me much support and instead they just worried for a while that I'd go back to it and end up dead....thats how my family rolls...
Others have found family support invaluable.
If you feel you need to involve your family in this decision (and the choice is yours) I'd lay it out honestly - you have a problem and you're getting help.
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
That's a good point Dee makes, that every case is different.
My wife still doesn't understand why I quit. She makes jokes about me being "Mr Puritan" "holier than thou" etc. She doesn't know what a constant battle it was for me to stay under the limits I was imposing on myself. And she only saw me out of control a few times and I always made excuses for why those were unique occasions. But I also don't see any advantage to me spelling out everything about my life long obsessive relationship with alcohol, including all the things that happened before we met. I've stopped. I've got my reasons. She realises I'm serious about it and won't be joining her for a drink again. That's good enough for me.
You live with your family, and they're bound to notice you saying no to alcohol so you'll probably need to say something to explain that. But there's no reason you have to tell them about your experiences with alcohol so far. You're worried about turning into your father. That's a damn good reason right there. You've done a lot of thinking about it, and have decided it just isn't worth the risk for you to drink. Maybe you'll never turn out like him, but why take that chance for no benefit? You've decided alcohol just isn't worth it, and hope they'll support you in that, as there's a lot of pressure to drink in this world. By quitting now you will be able to say with certainty that you will never turn out like he did. If you drink at all, there's always that chance.
All of those points are true, and none of them need you to have ever drunk at all, let alone worrying that you're already an alcoholic. What you say about your recent drinking, if anything, will depend on what additional benefit/support you feel you would get from that, and your relationship with your family.
Whatever you choose, well done for taking this step. It's a wonderful decision you're making that has the potential to change your future life dramatically for the better.
My wife still doesn't understand why I quit. She makes jokes about me being "Mr Puritan" "holier than thou" etc. She doesn't know what a constant battle it was for me to stay under the limits I was imposing on myself. And she only saw me out of control a few times and I always made excuses for why those were unique occasions. But I also don't see any advantage to me spelling out everything about my life long obsessive relationship with alcohol, including all the things that happened before we met. I've stopped. I've got my reasons. She realises I'm serious about it and won't be joining her for a drink again. That's good enough for me.
You live with your family, and they're bound to notice you saying no to alcohol so you'll probably need to say something to explain that. But there's no reason you have to tell them about your experiences with alcohol so far. You're worried about turning into your father. That's a damn good reason right there. You've done a lot of thinking about it, and have decided it just isn't worth the risk for you to drink. Maybe you'll never turn out like him, but why take that chance for no benefit? You've decided alcohol just isn't worth it, and hope they'll support you in that, as there's a lot of pressure to drink in this world. By quitting now you will be able to say with certainty that you will never turn out like he did. If you drink at all, there's always that chance.
All of those points are true, and none of them need you to have ever drunk at all, let alone worrying that you're already an alcoholic. What you say about your recent drinking, if anything, will depend on what additional benefit/support you feel you would get from that, and your relationship with your family.
Whatever you choose, well done for taking this step. It's a wonderful decision you're making that has the potential to change your future life dramatically for the better.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Congratulations on your decision to live a sober life.
You might be surprised to find out your family is not surprised. I wasn't nearly as good at hiding my problem as I thought I had been.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
You might be surprised to find out your family is not surprised. I wasn't nearly as good at hiding my problem as I thought I had been.
Best of Luck on Your Journey!
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi Daniel, actions speak louder than words so if you think it's workable, you needn't say much at all. I didn't tell people for some time after I quit, and never went too deeply into the reasons why. One reason was I was ashamed, but mainly it was because action is what counts, not telling everyone.
Adventurer
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Tuxedo Park, NY
Posts: 1,101
Good luck telling your family, I know how hard it can be. For my own family I didn't really need to say much as they all knew I had a problem already. I thought I was hiding it but I wasn't really fooling anyone.
That said once I brought it up they were very supportive for the most part. My wife is really helpful and understanding where my parents just don't understand why I can't moderate. They don't push though and are happy with my obtaining even if they don't quite understand it.
That said once I brought it up they were very supportive for the most part. My wife is really helpful and understanding where my parents just don't understand why I can't moderate. They don't push though and are happy with my obtaining even if they don't quite understand it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 295
I can't do it personally. Partly because it's embarrassing , but I know it would also devestate my parents, particularly my father who's got an alcoholic father.
It's not always true that people around you can tell how bad your problem is. They might catch you sometimes when you don't want them to, but could be surprised by how much your life is impacted by addiction.
People who have never been addicts have a harder time spotting it, I think. Those who've had their own issues have had an easy time noticing mine. Takes one to know one....
It's not always true that people around you can tell how bad your problem is. They might catch you sometimes when you don't want them to, but could be surprised by how much your life is impacted by addiction.
People who have never been addicts have a harder time spotting it, I think. Those who've had their own issues have had an easy time noticing mine. Takes one to know one....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 8
Thanks for the replies everyone.
Decided to tell my sister today, not my mother as I don't think she'd react well and my brother is too young to need to know.
Can say that she's fully supportive to help me and says it seems like the penny has finally dropped and she believes me that I'll quit.
Feel so exhausted after the 2 hour conversation but like a huge weight is off and happy to have someone to help me through at home.
Thanks again everyone!
Decided to tell my sister today, not my mother as I don't think she'd react well and my brother is too young to need to know.
Can say that she's fully supportive to help me and says it seems like the penny has finally dropped and she believes me that I'll quit.
Feel so exhausted after the 2 hour conversation but like a huge weight is off and happy to have someone to help me through at home.
Thanks again everyone!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 2,412
That is awesome Dan.
Your taking action. There's an awesome life waiting for you. It's up to you to walk in that direction. You have to take the steps and choose the direction you go constantly.
You've already taken some very strong and powerful steps. That's truly awesome!!
Keep that mindset up. Know what it is your after, find out how to get there, then take action.
Anything is possible in life. If we want it, we can have it. Just gotta go after it actively.
Good job Dan!
Your taking action. There's an awesome life waiting for you. It's up to you to walk in that direction. You have to take the steps and choose the direction you go constantly.
You've already taken some very strong and powerful steps. That's truly awesome!!
Keep that mindset up. Know what it is your after, find out how to get there, then take action.
Anything is possible in life. If we want it, we can have it. Just gotta go after it actively.
Good job Dan!
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