How Can I Stop?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6
How Can I Stop?
I've been drinking almost every night since 2010, gradually getting worse over the years. For the past year my memory has been deteriorating and today when I woke up I had major confusion all day. I think it's going away now but there is something off. I know I need to stop.
I drink myself to sleep in my room almost every night. The hangovers are getting worse and I somehow still manage to go to work, late most of the time. I can go through a 750ml bottle in two days. My tolerance was high but lately I think it's been weakening.
This all started about 6 years ago when I was 20. My girlfriend at the time, had a mother that was/is an alcoholic and welcomed our drinking. I started with a glass of wine or a strong vodka cranberry every night. It helped me sleep, then I started enjoying the buzz, now it's a curse. A while back I wanted to ease the hangovers so I started experimenting with vitamins and that only made me worse. I was able to drink more and stay focused throughout the day but like I said, even those aren't helping anymore.
At this point I don't know how my family hasn't figured it out, I guess I'm really good at hiding it. I do live at home with my parents, and I only drink at night so maybe that's why. I'm sure everyone at work knows. I was able to hide it so well until the last year, I know they caught on. I have a great job, but I'm ruining my chances of a future there. Playing hooky to manage a hangover and just overall performance. I have a great girlfriend now and we plan to live together, I have to stop all of this before then. I've never told anyone about my problem and I don't want to.
I want to quit without my family or significant other knowing I have a problem. I dont know if it's possible, being I can't go 2 days without giving in and blacking out... I'm not drinking tonight, and I'll try not to drink tomorrow night. I'm getting ready for sleep now, it's going to be a withdraw type night. I really hope I can make it a week and keep it going from there. Maybe I should try an AA meeting...
What would you recommend?
I drink myself to sleep in my room almost every night. The hangovers are getting worse and I somehow still manage to go to work, late most of the time. I can go through a 750ml bottle in two days. My tolerance was high but lately I think it's been weakening.
This all started about 6 years ago when I was 20. My girlfriend at the time, had a mother that was/is an alcoholic and welcomed our drinking. I started with a glass of wine or a strong vodka cranberry every night. It helped me sleep, then I started enjoying the buzz, now it's a curse. A while back I wanted to ease the hangovers so I started experimenting with vitamins and that only made me worse. I was able to drink more and stay focused throughout the day but like I said, even those aren't helping anymore.
At this point I don't know how my family hasn't figured it out, I guess I'm really good at hiding it. I do live at home with my parents, and I only drink at night so maybe that's why. I'm sure everyone at work knows. I was able to hide it so well until the last year, I know they caught on. I have a great job, but I'm ruining my chances of a future there. Playing hooky to manage a hangover and just overall performance. I have a great girlfriend now and we plan to live together, I have to stop all of this before then. I've never told anyone about my problem and I don't want to.
I want to quit without my family or significant other knowing I have a problem. I dont know if it's possible, being I can't go 2 days without giving in and blacking out... I'm not drinking tonight, and I'll try not to drink tomorrow night. I'm getting ready for sleep now, it's going to be a withdraw type night. I really hope I can make it a week and keep it going from there. Maybe I should try an AA meeting...
What would you recommend?
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,066
Welcome, Jay!
I would definitely recommend trying an AA meeting. Face-to-face support can really help a lot. And keep reading and posting here, especially if you have any questions about AA.
I would definitely recommend trying an AA meeting. Face-to-face support can really help a lot. And keep reading and posting here, especially if you have any questions about AA.
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Try AA. There are a lot of ways to get sober, and I never used AA as my primary method... but for getting sober without disrupting your schedule or telling your family, it's a really good place to start. Make a commitment to yourself to try 10 different meetings (if you live in a city or somewhere else with lots of meetings), including at least one young person's meeting.
Also, read up on AVRT. That was huge for me the first time I got sober. It's a really simple, direct way of training yourself out of the habit.
And then, this too was big for me... make peace with the fact that it's going to be pretty bad for a while. The first week is hell. The first month is very difficult. And it stays hard. But after the first couple weeks, I think you'll understand on an emotional level why sobriety is worth it. You'll have an idea of what's possible.
Exercise and food are also really important; posting here helps me a lot.
If those things together don't work, I really think you should tell your partner and family. You don't have to tell them the full extent of it right away (or ever), but having their support will make a big difference. I did it in secret my first time, and openly this time (my second go). "Coming out" was terrifying, but now I have my family's support, and it turns out I really needed it.
Good luck. You can do this! At first, just do anything, anything you can to stay sober for a few weeks. Even if it means not sleeping and being a mess for that time. It'll get easier from there.
Also, read up on AVRT. That was huge for me the first time I got sober. It's a really simple, direct way of training yourself out of the habit.
And then, this too was big for me... make peace with the fact that it's going to be pretty bad for a while. The first week is hell. The first month is very difficult. And it stays hard. But after the first couple weeks, I think you'll understand on an emotional level why sobriety is worth it. You'll have an idea of what's possible.
Exercise and food are also really important; posting here helps me a lot.
If those things together don't work, I really think you should tell your partner and family. You don't have to tell them the full extent of it right away (or ever), but having their support will make a big difference. I did it in secret my first time, and openly this time (my second go). "Coming out" was terrifying, but now I have my family's support, and it turns out I really needed it.
Good luck. You can do this! At first, just do anything, anything you can to stay sober for a few weeks. Even if it means not sleeping and being a mess for that time. It'll get easier from there.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
Welcome aboard Jay 
I'd also recommend posting a lot here - there's lots of good ideas
Check out our Class of December support thread too
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...2015-a-14.html
D
I'd also recommend posting a lot here - there's lots of good ideas
Check out our Class of December support thread too
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...2015-a-14.html
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
Hi Jay - a great starting point is to realize that if you quit permanently and never go back that your life will move on and your body, both physically and mentally will heal. If you don't and continue drinking it will worsen. Alcoholism is a progressive disease and it will get worse over time, as you have seen, if you don't stop. Eventually it may kill you. So the most important thing is to stop and then don't drink again, under any circumstances.
Attending AA in itself won't make you quit. That you need to do yourself. But the posters here realize that you will need some support around you, especially if you will not be telling your family. Its really difficult to quit a strong addiction and attending AA will give you support while you learn about alcoholism and how to combat it. AA will also help you with questions such as who to tell and how to tell them, how to ask for help etc. Also, please take as much time as you can to read through the site as it really is a wealth of knowledge.
You have your whole life ahead of you Jay and you can get through this and move to much better things but you need to stop drinking, forever.
Attending AA in itself won't make you quit. That you need to do yourself. But the posters here realize that you will need some support around you, especially if you will not be telling your family. Its really difficult to quit a strong addiction and attending AA will give you support while you learn about alcoholism and how to combat it. AA will also help you with questions such as who to tell and how to tell them, how to ask for help etc. Also, please take as much time as you can to read through the site as it really is a wealth of knowledge.
You have your whole life ahead of you Jay and you can get through this and move to much better things but you need to stop drinking, forever.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I would recommend finding an AA meeting and going to it today. Get a Big Book while there.
I would recommend a firm resolve not to drink TODAY, no matter what.
I would recommend doing something healthy, like taking a walk or going to the gym.
I would recommend making a list of all the places and activities you most associate with drinking - and avoiding those TODAY.
I would recommend making a list of all the reasons you want to stop this awful cycle, and a list of all the dreams of a better life you can imagine. Review those lists a couple times each TODAY.
Hang out here a little and read people's stories and share a little.
And don't drink. No matter what. TODAY.
Then tomorrow - do it again.
Eventually, you can add new things or enhance / modify things... but for now, just keep doing these TODAY.
Also, don't drink.
I would recommend a firm resolve not to drink TODAY, no matter what.
I would recommend doing something healthy, like taking a walk or going to the gym.
I would recommend making a list of all the places and activities you most associate with drinking - and avoiding those TODAY.
I would recommend making a list of all the reasons you want to stop this awful cycle, and a list of all the dreams of a better life you can imagine. Review those lists a couple times each TODAY.
Hang out here a little and read people's stories and share a little.
And don't drink. No matter what. TODAY.
Then tomorrow - do it again.
Eventually, you can add new things or enhance / modify things... but for now, just keep doing these TODAY.
Also, don't drink.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Welcome to SR!
There are many paths to sobriety. AA is one that works for many people. No harm trying it out. It seems like you have alot on your mind and talking about it to some folks who understand can be beneficial.
There's no secret to being sober - you just don't drink.
Now...being happily sober...that takes some work.
You can do this!
There are many paths to sobriety. AA is one that works for many people. No harm trying it out. It seems like you have alot on your mind and talking about it to some folks who understand can be beneficial.
There's no secret to being sober - you just don't drink.
Now...being happily sober...that takes some work.
You can do this!
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,503
I think if you have the motivation to stop drinking, you will be able to do it. The tools you use to help you achieve sobriety are important, but your motivation is what matters the most. Stopping drinking and staying sober is hard, but you can do this.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6
Making A List
Originally Posted by FreeOwl 
I would recommend finding an AA meeting and going to it today. Get a Big Book while there.
I would recommend a firm resolve not to drink TODAY, no matter what.
I would recommend doing something healthy, like taking a walk or going to the gym.
I would recommend making a list of all the places and activities you most associate with drinking - and avoiding those TODAY.
I would recommend making a list of all the reasons you want to stop this awful cycle, and a list of all the dreams of a better life you can imagine. Review those lists a couple times each TODAY.
Hang out here a little and read people's stories and share a little.
And don't drink. No matter what. TODAY.
Then tomorrow - do it again.
Eventually, you can add new things or enhance / modify things... but for now, just keep doing these TODAY.
Also, don't drink.
I would recommend a firm resolve not to drink TODAY, no matter what.
I would recommend doing something healthy, like taking a walk or going to the gym.
I would recommend making a list of all the places and activities you most associate with drinking - and avoiding those TODAY.
I would recommend making a list of all the reasons you want to stop this awful cycle, and a list of all the dreams of a better life you can imagine. Review those lists a couple times each TODAY.
Hang out here a little and read people's stories and share a little.
And don't drink. No matter what. TODAY.
Then tomorrow - do it again.
Eventually, you can add new things or enhance / modify things... but for now, just keep doing these TODAY.
Also, don't drink.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6
Analyzed a Trigger
Thank you all for the recommendations and words of encouragement, Its really does help.
I didn't end up drinking last night, and I'm not drinking tonight. Last night was a rough one with the sweats, tossing and turning. Only 2 hrs of sleep but I still felt better today at work than I would've if I drunk slept for 8hrs.
On the way home something did get me upset, which then made me realize a trigger... frustration. It was amazing how quickly I went from looking forward to a sober night, to seriously debating on picking up a bottle. My mind quickly created rationalizations to have a drink, but I didn't give in. I focused and analyzed the fast changes my mind went through, which motivated me to overcome and ignore it the best I could.
Some of you mentioned creating "why not to drink" lists, which I did, and thought about a lot today. Thank you
I've been reading a lot on the site, I'm so happy I subscribed.
Jay2010
I didn't end up drinking last night, and I'm not drinking tonight. Last night was a rough one with the sweats, tossing and turning. Only 2 hrs of sleep but I still felt better today at work than I would've if I drunk slept for 8hrs.
On the way home something did get me upset, which then made me realize a trigger... frustration. It was amazing how quickly I went from looking forward to a sober night, to seriously debating on picking up a bottle. My mind quickly created rationalizations to have a drink, but I didn't give in. I focused and analyzed the fast changes my mind went through, which motivated me to overcome and ignore it the best I could.
Some of you mentioned creating "why not to drink" lists, which I did, and thought about a lot today. Thank you
I've been reading a lot on the site, I'm so happy I subscribed.
Jay2010
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
I recommend that you talk to a doctor, Jay. Make it sooner rather than later. It helps to put you on track and gives you support. It also demonstrates to yourself that you are capable of making a commitment to this. You might even get some advice that you will find helpful.
I also suggest you do a shotgun approach here when it comes to recovery tools. Check everything out to see what makes sense to you and what you can use. For me, I made my mind up to quit, then when looking for things that would make it as easy as possible to succeed. You can succeed too, Jay. You can do this. Make that decision that you deserve better, and that you are going to go and get it.
I also suggest you do a shotgun approach here when it comes to recovery tools. Check everything out to see what makes sense to you and what you can use. For me, I made my mind up to quit, then when looking for things that would make it as easy as possible to succeed. You can succeed too, Jay. You can do this. Make that decision that you deserve better, and that you are going to go and get it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1,869
Hello and welcome and congratulations on not drinking last night. You will have a couple of heart nights but after that the physical withdrawals will subside and then AV will enter. I suggest that you read a lot here in educate yourself. That has really helped me. I also like to "play the tape" and hangout here a lot, even if it's just reading a bit. Everyday I wake up remembering why I chose to not drink and commit. Alcohol really sucks and living a sober present life is great. So glad you found us!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 6
I also suggest you do a shotgun approach here when it comes to recovery tools. Check everything out to see what makes sense to you and what you can use. For me, I made my mind up to quit, then when looking for things that would make it as easy as possible to succeed. You can succeed too, Jay. You can do this. Make that decision that you deserve better, and that you are going to go and get it.[/QUOTE]
The last time I had a full physical was about 2 years ago... and my Atl or stl was slightly high. My doctor didn't call me with urgency, I just received a letter saying to limit caffeine and alcohol. I took this as, everything's not so bad, my body is young and strong! ... but I wonder how much of a toll the last two years has taken on me.
I have this plan In my head to quit drinking, and waiting months for another check. I'm honestly afraid of my doctor knowing I'm an addict. Being young, can't this really hurt my life insurance eligibility for the rest of my life??
The last time I had a full physical was about 2 years ago... and my Atl or stl was slightly high. My doctor didn't call me with urgency, I just received a letter saying to limit caffeine and alcohol. I took this as, everything's not so bad, my body is young and strong! ... but I wonder how much of a toll the last two years has taken on me.
I have this plan In my head to quit drinking, and waiting months for another check. I'm honestly afraid of my doctor knowing I'm an addict. Being young, can't this really hurt my life insurance eligibility for the rest of my life??
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
honestly, life insurance eligibility is the least of your worries right now. If you had not had a check up done for couple of years then now is a great time for a couple of reasons. Firstly, IF there is a problem then you would want to know asap, right? Secondly, it will give you peace of mind if you are all clear. Thirdly, I think its a positive action that will underwrite your determination to stay sober. Consider it another step in the right direction.
I get a full medical every year, mine is coming up this weekend. I am a lot older that you and I have been drinking reasonable heavily this year. Yikes. That said, I am sober now and there is no way I am putting it off.
I think its just one of these life habits that will stand you in good stead Jay, whether you are drinking or not.
I get a full medical every year, mine is coming up this weekend. I am a lot older that you and I have been drinking reasonable heavily this year. Yikes. That said, I am sober now and there is no way I am putting it off.
I think its just one of these life habits that will stand you in good stead Jay, whether you are drinking or not.
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