My Addict sister
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My Addict sister
My sister and I have not spoken in 7 years. She has been in jail, neglects her 3 children and is an angry addict. I received a terrible message from her on Thanksgiving. She was angry, probably high and called me a skank, *****, wished me dead etc... She did the same to my mother. I have not responded to her and I'm sure this makes her more angry. However I'm really worried about her, worried she is going over the edge. Should I attempt to confront her? Do I tell her she needs help? I don't think she has anyone in her corner. She has always been jealous of me, she was terribly mean to me growing up too. Maybe some personality disorder going on along with the addiction. My father was physically abusive to her while he was drinking. She was deemed a problem child, black sheep. I feel like she never had a chance to lead a good life. She ran away at age 15 and never looked back. She has the mentality of a 16 year old. She has turned her daughter, my neice against me where she won't even return my calls. It's so sad. I feel so bad that her life ended up this way. Is there any way of getting through to her that she needs help? She hates me and is miserable but I feel like no one is stepping in to encourage her. What is the best thing to do?
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hmmm, my thinking is get your OWN house in order before trying to "help" someone else fix theirs. could it be you are finding your sister a "distraction" in your current situation? you haven't spoken in SEVEN YEARS.....so why NOW all of the sudden do you want to confront, especially considering her last hateful message to you?
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII 
hmmm, my thinking is get your OWN house in order before trying to "help" someone else fix theirs. could it be you are finding your sister a "distraction" in your current situation? you haven't spoken in SEVEN YEARS.....so why NOW all of the sudden do you want to confront, especially considering her last hateful message to you?
With her threats. Idk...maybe it would make me feel better if I tried something?
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saying I love her, she needs help and to not contact me again
and you think she'll HEAR any of that?????? the last thing anyone wants to hear is YOU NEED HELP, whether it's true or not. I Love You and Do Not Contact Me Again sort of negate each other. just block her.....she spewed some seriously vile crap at both you and your mom. i worry that engaging with her on any level is going to open up a can of worms you don't not NEED right now.
and you think she'll HEAR any of that?????? the last thing anyone wants to hear is YOU NEED HELP, whether it's true or not. I Love You and Do Not Contact Me Again sort of negate each other. just block her.....she spewed some seriously vile crap at both you and your mom. i worry that engaging with her on any level is going to open up a can of worms you don't not NEED right now.
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i should add, i'm only concerned with YOUR well being right now....you have your hands full and a lot on your plate. don't go asking for trouble, enough will come on its own!!!! take care of YOU right now.
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mamaof3boyz, I'm in a similar situation with my sister. She was and continues to be the black sheep of the family. She isn't as lost as yours, but the dynamic is very familiar.
At work, I often find myself in a position where I have to convince somebody to take a certain position. There are times when I have to recognize that I am NOT the person to make the argument, and I need to step back and let somebody else do the talking. It's not wimping out, it's part of an overall strategy to achieve an ultimate goal.
My sister will not listen to me. There's just way too many things that happened in our past to let that happen. She resents me for a multitude of reasons, and she expresses that resentment by 1) backstabbing me 2) angrily blaming me for something whenever it's convenient 3) just plain bullying me. So for me to say something like "I don't like your choices, but I love you" - she won't hear the "I love you" - it's just going to disappear into nothingness. But the first phrase "I don't like your choices", it will just fuel her anger.
I do hope and pray that she'll reach the epiphany that will turn her life around, but I've given up any hope that I will be that person to lead her there. For the person/people who may take her on that journey, I have nothing but gratitude and admiration for them. All I can say is that everybody who has tried to help her so far has become a victim of her viciousness, and if they haven't yet, they will too soon discover what she's capable of.
She cannot make me feel guilty for the choices I have made, because if I let her it will diminish the pride I have in building the quirky, eccentric life that I love. By the same token, I cannot make her feel guilty for the choices she's made, as much as I would want to, because it would diminish what little pride she has in her life. I know deep down she _knows_ that she's made some really lousy decisions - but she feels as if she admits that to everybody around her, it will solidify their low opinion of her. So she'll hide behind her delusions instead, as fragile as they are.
I know this isn't much of an answer, and frankly in writing to you I'm trying to make sense of what's going on in my own situation. Misery loves company I guess, but I'm sorry you're in the same boat.
At work, I often find myself in a position where I have to convince somebody to take a certain position. There are times when I have to recognize that I am NOT the person to make the argument, and I need to step back and let somebody else do the talking. It's not wimping out, it's part of an overall strategy to achieve an ultimate goal.
My sister will not listen to me. There's just way too many things that happened in our past to let that happen. She resents me for a multitude of reasons, and she expresses that resentment by 1) backstabbing me 2) angrily blaming me for something whenever it's convenient 3) just plain bullying me. So for me to say something like "I don't like your choices, but I love you" - she won't hear the "I love you" - it's just going to disappear into nothingness. But the first phrase "I don't like your choices", it will just fuel her anger.
I do hope and pray that she'll reach the epiphany that will turn her life around, but I've given up any hope that I will be that person to lead her there. For the person/people who may take her on that journey, I have nothing but gratitude and admiration for them. All I can say is that everybody who has tried to help her so far has become a victim of her viciousness, and if they haven't yet, they will too soon discover what she's capable of.
She cannot make me feel guilty for the choices I have made, because if I let her it will diminish the pride I have in building the quirky, eccentric life that I love. By the same token, I cannot make her feel guilty for the choices she's made, as much as I would want to, because it would diminish what little pride she has in her life. I know deep down she _knows_ that she's made some really lousy decisions - but she feels as if she admits that to everybody around her, it will solidify their low opinion of her. So she'll hide behind her delusions instead, as fragile as they are.
I know this isn't much of an answer, and frankly in writing to you I'm trying to make sense of what's going on in my own situation. Misery loves company I guess, but I'm sorry you're in the same boat.
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Originally Posted by PuzzledHeart
mamaof3boyz, I'm in a similar situation with my sister. She was and continues to be the black sheep of the family. She isn't as lost as yours, but the dynamic is very familiar.
At work, I often find myself in a position where I have to convince somebody to take a certain position. There are times when I have to recognize that I am NOT the person to make the argument, and I need to step back and let somebody else do the talking. It's not wimping out, it's part of an overall strategy to achieve an ultimate goal.
My sister will not listen to me. There's just way too many things that happened in our past to let that happen. She resents me for a multitude of reasons, and she expresses that resentment by 1) backstabbing me 2) angrily blaming me for something whenever it's convenient 3) just plain bullying me. So for me to say something like "I don't like your choices, but I love you" - she won't hear the "I love you" - it's just going to disappear into nothingness. But the first phrase "I don't like your choices", it will just fuel her anger.
I do hope and pray that she'll reach the epiphany that will turn her life around, but I've given up any hope that I will be that person to lead her there. For the person/people who may take her on that journey, I have nothing but gratitude and admiration for them. All I can say is that everybody who has tried to help her so far has become a victim of her viciousness, and if they haven't yet, they will too soon discover what she's capable of.
She cannot make me feel guilty for the choices I have made, because if I let her it will diminish the pride I have in building the quirky, eccentric life that I love. By the same token, I cannot make her feel guilty for the choices she's made, as much as I would want to, because it would diminish what little pride she has in her life. I know deep down she _knows_ that she's made some really lousy decisions - but she feels as if she admits that to everybody around her, it will solidify their low opinion of her. So she'll hide behind her delusions instead, as fragile as they are.
I know this isn't much of an answer, and frankly in writing to you I'm trying to make sense of what's going on in my own situation. Misery loves company I guess, but I'm sorry you're in the same boat.
At work, I often find myself in a position where I have to convince somebody to take a certain position. There are times when I have to recognize that I am NOT the person to make the argument, and I need to step back and let somebody else do the talking. It's not wimping out, it's part of an overall strategy to achieve an ultimate goal.
My sister will not listen to me. There's just way too many things that happened in our past to let that happen. She resents me for a multitude of reasons, and she expresses that resentment by 1) backstabbing me 2) angrily blaming me for something whenever it's convenient 3) just plain bullying me. So for me to say something like "I don't like your choices, but I love you" - she won't hear the "I love you" - it's just going to disappear into nothingness. But the first phrase "I don't like your choices", it will just fuel her anger.
I do hope and pray that she'll reach the epiphany that will turn her life around, but I've given up any hope that I will be that person to lead her there. For the person/people who may take her on that journey, I have nothing but gratitude and admiration for them. All I can say is that everybody who has tried to help her so far has become a victim of her viciousness, and if they haven't yet, they will too soon discover what she's capable of.
She cannot make me feel guilty for the choices I have made, because if I let her it will diminish the pride I have in building the quirky, eccentric life that I love. By the same token, I cannot make her feel guilty for the choices she's made, as much as I would want to, because it would diminish what little pride she has in her life. I know deep down she _knows_ that she's made some really lousy decisions - but she feels as if she admits that to everybody around her, it will solidify their low opinion of her. So she'll hide behind her delusions instead, as fragile as they are.
I know this isn't much of an answer, and frankly in writing to you I'm trying to make sense of what's going on in my own situation. Misery loves company I guess, but I'm sorry you're in the same boat.
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Originally Posted by AnvilheadII
i should add, i'm only concerned with YOUR well being right now....you have your hands full and a lot on your plate. don't go asking for trouble, enough will come on its own!!!! take care of YOU right now.
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Originally Posted by hopeful4
She would not respond the way you want her to. It would likely only make it all worse. Sometimes you have to love someone from afar, and simply pray for them.
Many hugs.
Many hugs.
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