Any Catholics here?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Any Catholics here?
I realize I am a little bit crazy here, but I cannot get this off my mind and thought I'd reach out here for some information/advice.
I am not Catholic, but my sons have been baptized in the Catholic church as their father and his family (like most Italians) are Catholic. This is fine with me. I think my sons can decide when they are older how religious or non-religious they want to be. Right now my older son is attending "catechismo" I don't know what that is called in English. It is the classes young kids attend to learn about the Catholic religion with the end result being their first communion. This is also fine with me and my son does want to attend.
I am (probably ridiculously) concerned about him having his first taste of wine when he takes communion. I am convinced that alcoholism is hereditary and terrified that I have passed this awful disease to my children. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, much less my own children.
Unfortunately wine is such a big part of the culture here, even young children partake on special occasions. I have seen his cousins given small sips of champagne on birthdays and watered down wine at holiday meals. Thankfully my children's father is on board with my belief that young children should not be drinking any amount of alcohol on these occasions and my children do not partake of this. But communion is a different issue I know. I am upset about the idea of him having the wine at communion. I don't know how to handle this worry. I can't really expect him to complete the catechismo and then not complete the course with the final act of partaking in communion. Could I request that juice be given? Is this against the religion? Would my child be singled out or not allowed to participate?
I am not Catholic, but my sons have been baptized in the Catholic church as their father and his family (like most Italians) are Catholic. This is fine with me. I think my sons can decide when they are older how religious or non-religious they want to be. Right now my older son is attending "catechismo" I don't know what that is called in English. It is the classes young kids attend to learn about the Catholic religion with the end result being their first communion. This is also fine with me and my son does want to attend.
I am (probably ridiculously) concerned about him having his first taste of wine when he takes communion. I am convinced that alcoholism is hereditary and terrified that I have passed this awful disease to my children. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, much less my own children.
Unfortunately wine is such a big part of the culture here, even young children partake on special occasions. I have seen his cousins given small sips of champagne on birthdays and watered down wine at holiday meals. Thankfully my children's father is on board with my belief that young children should not be drinking any amount of alcohol on these occasions and my children do not partake of this. But communion is a different issue I know. I am upset about the idea of him having the wine at communion. I don't know how to handle this worry. I can't really expect him to complete the catechismo and then not complete the course with the final act of partaking in communion. Could I request that juice be given? Is this against the religion? Would my child be singled out or not allowed to participate?
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi he might be able to just take the host, which is wafer bread. That's all we had when I was young and participated. Something to discuss with his priest.
Are you sure he hasn't tasted alcohol yet?
Are you sure he hasn't tasted alcohol yet?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
I really don't think this is an issue. Are you sure that they still give wine? When I made my first communion it was the host (bread) only. I have seen some cases where there is a glass of wine but its a cup for a whole class. Its symbolic and just wets the lips. You can just tell your son to pretend to drink, I am sure thats what most do anyway. Really, I think its not worth the worry.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
They do give wine, but just a sip. I am certain he has never tasted alcohol. I know I am over-thinking this. I guess it is just a crack in the door to my greater worry that my sons will suffer from alcoholism when they are older. I know a sip at communion is not going to make or break this issue for them. I just wish I could protect them forever from alcohol. I hope by being a sober mother that if they ever do have issues I will be able to step in immediately to try and help them.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Meraviglioso you are over-thinking this. I am a non-Catholic who taught in Catholic schools for many years, I am also a recovered alcoholic.
In future the boys will be tasting a lot more than communion wine so I'd advise you to forget about that. Your fear of the sip of the communion wine relates to your fear of your own alcoholism.
Singling out your sons by requesting a juice (which would be valid) would not do anything other than alter a single occasion when they have many to face.
Nothing can better what your sons learn at home. Quiet non-obsessive enjoyment or abstaining is incomparable. Be yourself, model your choice without preaching, accept the ritual of the religion you have chosen for your children and then move on.
In future the boys will be tasting a lot more than communion wine so I'd advise you to forget about that. Your fear of the sip of the communion wine relates to your fear of your own alcoholism.
Singling out your sons by requesting a juice (which would be valid) would not do anything other than alter a single occasion when they have many to face.
Nothing can better what your sons learn at home. Quiet non-obsessive enjoyment or abstaining is incomparable. Be yourself, model your choice without preaching, accept the ritual of the religion you have chosen for your children and then move on.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I'm old enough to have had my first communion only with bread 
I'm no longer a church goer tho I am still a Catholic in my belief.
I remember when the wine became available. I can assure you than no-one was chug a lugging on the chalice. It's simply not done...it's take a sip and pass it on. Apart from anything else. it's pretty horrid wine.
I just wanted to say - there's no certainty at all that your sons will follow in your footsteps Mera, and if they were to, they'll have the best thing ever - someone who understands and who can guide them out of the murky waters.
I'm not sure juice is available as a substitute - it certainly wasn't back in my day - and I'm not sure your sons would like to be singled out like that anyway.
I would treat this as the exciting special and symbolic occasion it is
D
I'm no longer a church goer tho I am still a Catholic in my belief.
I remember when the wine became available. I can assure you than no-one was chug a lugging on the chalice. It's simply not done...it's take a sip and pass it on. Apart from anything else. it's pretty horrid wine.
I just wanted to say - there's no certainty at all that your sons will follow in your footsteps Mera, and if they were to, they'll have the best thing ever - someone who understands and who can guide them out of the murky waters.
I'm not sure juice is available as a substitute - it certainly wasn't back in my day - and I'm not sure your sons would like to be singled out like that anyway.
I would treat this as the exciting special and symbolic occasion it is
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 4,251
Thanks for the reassurance everyone. I do realize this is stemming from my fears that they will suffer as I have, and of course no parent wants that. They are still young, I hope I can provide them with years of good example before they are out there faced with real decisions on how to handle alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
My first communion was both the communion bread and the wine . . .
Though I'm fairly certain that wasn't the cause of my spiral into alcohol addiction, there was many a gallon of whisky between that, what was merely a sip and the my realisation of Sobriety!!
Unless he's going to be Teetotal for the rest of his life, this won't be the only time he tastes alcohol, but a mere sip pre teenage years I can't imagine being a major influence on things!!
Though I'm fairly certain that wasn't the cause of my spiral into alcohol addiction, there was many a gallon of whisky between that, what was merely a sip and the my realisation of Sobriety!!
Unless he's going to be Teetotal for the rest of his life, this won't be the only time he tastes alcohol, but a mere sip pre teenage years I can't imagine being a major influence on things!!
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,054
Hi Mera-
I'm old enough too to have had only the host at communion, not wine- and I always pass on it on Sundays just because it is what I'm used to and it's not required by the Church as part of the Sacrament.
When my son made his First Communion a couple of years ago, he did have wine at communion, as will my youngest next year. However, as a family we discussed that we will only do the host (as the wine is not required, it is optional; and I also chalked it up to not sharing germs at any time, especially flu season
I would say it's a non-issue too. At school the teacher was very careful to instruct the kids, it's a tiny sip, not a glug! I'm not concerned in the least that this is an issue, even with my recovery. We just skipped on down. College parties in their future- that's what I'm worried about!
I'm old enough too to have had only the host at communion, not wine- and I always pass on it on Sundays just because it is what I'm used to and it's not required by the Church as part of the Sacrament.
When my son made his First Communion a couple of years ago, he did have wine at communion, as will my youngest next year. However, as a family we discussed that we will only do the host (as the wine is not required, it is optional; and I also chalked it up to not sharing germs at any time, especially flu season
I would say it's a non-issue too. At school the teacher was very careful to instruct the kids, it's a tiny sip, not a glug! I'm not concerned in the least that this is an issue, even with my recovery. We just skipped on down. College parties in their future- that's what I'm worried about!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
Mera, catechismo is called catechism in English, catholics stayed true to the Latin on this one. I I'm Italian American and raised Catholic too.
Marcher nailed it, I'm glad you can see you are overthinking. I really think there's no reason to stress.
The classes before first communion teach the kids the significance of what the water and wine represent. Even at that young age, it hit me very hard. In a good way. I'm not particularly religious, but the meaning behind communion is still very very special to me. I believe what the wine represents, so I don't see it as wine at all.
I don't know the answer to the nature/nurture debate. But I think the kids growing up with a sober mom and around other solid people will go a long way. I really don't think the representative of the blood of Christ is going to tip the scales.
I I'm Italian American and raised Catholic too. Marcher nailed it, I'm glad you can see you are overthinking. I really think there's no reason to stress.
The classes before first communion teach the kids the significance of what the water and wine represent. Even at that young age, it hit me very hard. In a good way. I'm not particularly religious, but the meaning behind communion is still very very special to me. I believe what the wine represents, so I don't see it as wine at all.
I don't know the answer to the nature/nurture debate. But I think the kids growing up with a sober mom and around other solid people will go a long way. I really don't think the representative of the blood of Christ is going to tip the scales.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 1,518
My Grandson had first communion in July and there was no wine .
Your concerns and fears are real to you( we all have our own seemingly crazy fears and concerns) but personally I wouldn't be worrying about a smidgen of altar wine turning a child into an alcoholic .
Your concerns and fears are real to you( we all have our own seemingly crazy fears and concerns) but personally I wouldn't be worrying about a smidgen of altar wine turning a child into an alcoholic .
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
