3 months and counting
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 2
3 months and counting
hey,
first time posting, though I've read through these forums before.
i'm three months sober as of yesterday and wondering if anyone had any advice to continue my sobriety. things are going pretty well right now but I am definitely having feelings of depression, cravings, etc. that seem to be consistent with others who have been in my situation.
I've been attending meetings (though less frequently than I feel I should be) and have begun seeing an addiction counsellor. overall, things are good and I am very aware and appreciative of how much better my life is. at points, though, things can seem pretty futile and I feel like giving up. so far I've been able to push through the tough times.
any advice, things to keep in mind, or techniques to recommend?
thanks!
first time posting, though I've read through these forums before.
i'm three months sober as of yesterday and wondering if anyone had any advice to continue my sobriety. things are going pretty well right now but I am definitely having feelings of depression, cravings, etc. that seem to be consistent with others who have been in my situation.
I've been attending meetings (though less frequently than I feel I should be) and have begun seeing an addiction counsellor. overall, things are good and I am very aware and appreciative of how much better my life is. at points, though, things can seem pretty futile and I feel like giving up. so far I've been able to push through the tough times.
any advice, things to keep in mind, or techniques to recommend?
thanks!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
Hi and welcome SmilingPolitely 
Sounds like you have a good basis to your recovery plan - and you known where it needs improvement.
Joining this community can only help
I'm glad you found us
D
Sounds like you have a good basis to your recovery plan - and you known where it needs improvement.
Joining this community can only help
I'm glad you found us
D
now's the time
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 2,181
Congratulations on 90 days!! I'm a bit less than 2 months ahead of you, so I only have a little future knowledge to offer. But many people told me that 90 days was a major benchmark, and it's felt that way to me. Things have been smoother since then.
The next thing I'm going to integrate for myself is an exercise plan. Do you have one yet? I was sober once before for 8 months and that time I did it almost purely through daily bicycling and yoga. I've been lax about it this time around and in preparation for winter I'm going to join a gym and make myself some strict goals. The difference it makes in my overall mood and outlook is almost akin to the difference between drinking and sobriety. Everything just gets easier and better.
This time around I've spent a good amount of time getting into meditation, and that's been a huge help. Like you mention, sometimes things just feel bleak and futile, or overwhelming, and I can go into a nihilistic way of thinking that has gotten me drunk in the past. Meditation has helped me learn how to sit with those feelings until they pass without either minimizing or blowing them up. I know it sounds kind of abstract but when you do it regularly it becomes pretty concrete. Depending on where you live there might be a free meditation center near you.
For cravings, the one big trick that I have is that when I need to distract myself, whenever possible I try to do something that I like but that I don't do while drinking. Like if it's daytime I'll go explore or take a hike or drive to a new town to get coffee; if it's nighttime I'll cook something and have a little meal (I couldn't eat much while drinking) or read a book that's too dense for a drunk person to follow. Netflix or internet is fine for me too, but the sober-only stuff really puts my head back in the right space quickly.
The next thing I'm going to integrate for myself is an exercise plan. Do you have one yet? I was sober once before for 8 months and that time I did it almost purely through daily bicycling and yoga. I've been lax about it this time around and in preparation for winter I'm going to join a gym and make myself some strict goals. The difference it makes in my overall mood and outlook is almost akin to the difference between drinking and sobriety. Everything just gets easier and better.
This time around I've spent a good amount of time getting into meditation, and that's been a huge help. Like you mention, sometimes things just feel bleak and futile, or overwhelming, and I can go into a nihilistic way of thinking that has gotten me drunk in the past. Meditation has helped me learn how to sit with those feelings until they pass without either minimizing or blowing them up. I know it sounds kind of abstract but when you do it regularly it becomes pretty concrete. Depending on where you live there might be a free meditation center near you.
For cravings, the one big trick that I have is that when I need to distract myself, whenever possible I try to do something that I like but that I don't do while drinking. Like if it's daytime I'll go explore or take a hike or drive to a new town to get coffee; if it's nighttime I'll cook something and have a little meal (I couldn't eat much while drinking) or read a book that's too dense for a drunk person to follow. Netflix or internet is fine for me too, but the sober-only stuff really puts my head back in the right space quickly.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Three months is awesome. But in the big picture it is still early in recovery. So it is normal to feel bouts of depression and craving. Also, three months is about right for the first instances of PAWS. Look up Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome and you'll see that it's not anything about what you are doing.
Stay vigilant.
Stay vigilant.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 507
I wonder if 3 months is a tough time because it's long enough that part of you is thinking "okay, I've got this drinking problem under control", but not long enough to have completely adapted to a sober way of life. So a perfect hunting ground for your AV to say "maybe you could try moderation instead?". Certainly these forums are filled with people who fell into that trap, spiralled right back down to where they were before, and have had to start again.
If you haven't already, perhaps try reading Allen Carr's book on quitting drinking. What it does is systematically take apart all the myths we were brought up with about the benefits of alcohol. For me, it really helped to remove my desire to drink. So instead of feeling like I'm in a constant battle of denying myself something I really want, I simply don't want alcohol any more. Which makes staying sober so much easier. May not work for everyone, but was certainly very persuasive for me.
It is aimed at people who are still drinking, so he has a ceremony for taking your last drink at the end of the book, but he does make it clear that you shouldn't start drinking again just so you can take part in that ritual.
If you haven't already, perhaps try reading Allen Carr's book on quitting drinking. What it does is systematically take apart all the myths we were brought up with about the benefits of alcohol. For me, it really helped to remove my desire to drink. So instead of feeling like I'm in a constant battle of denying myself something I really want, I simply don't want alcohol any more. Which makes staying sober so much easier. May not work for everyone, but was certainly very persuasive for me.
It is aimed at people who are still drinking, so he has a ceremony for taking your last drink at the end of the book, but he does make it clear that you shouldn't start drinking again just so you can take part in that ritual.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,632
Welcome. Glad to see that you're posting. Congrats on 3 months!
SR was a big help to me. I had a lot of lingering brain fog between 3 - 6 months and folks were very knowledgable and supportive. It made it so much easier. I hope you find it helpful as well.
SR was a big help to me. I had a lot of lingering brain fog between 3 - 6 months and folks were very knowledgable and supportive. It made it so much easier. I hope you find it helpful as well.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 2
Thanks everyone!
This isn't my first attempt at quitting and I have made it to 3 months before. In the past, I gave in to the cravings. I knew I couldn't drink "normally" but would fool myself into thinking I could have a night of drinking heavily and then bounce back and continue being sober. Uhhh, let's just say that didn't work too well lol.
Having the same cravings right now, my main strategy is to accumulate as many tools as possible. I'm lucky enough to have a good support system and have found talking to be maybe the most important thing. It's no small feat of my loved ones to listen to me blather on about my feelings all the time, so I consider myself lucky in that respect.
Fantail, as you mentioned, exercise has been crucial, even if it is often very hard to work up the energy to do it. I always feel better afterwards. I just finished a very intense and pretty stressful period in my work and personal life so I haven't had as much of an exercise routine as I would like. Things are less busy now so I'm trying to stay proactive. Downtime can definitely be a killer for me, it often seems like I lose a lot of will to better myself when I don't have external pressure on my life. Can be a bad time to have cravings as well. Meditation is something I am very interested in. Do you have any websites or resources you would recommend?
OpenTuning, thank you for the book recommendation. I will definitely check it out. If anyone else has books or just whatever, I am very much up for gathering more information.
Basically, I see this as a "tougher time" or a point at which I could easily slip. I take it day by day but there are multiple points in a day in which I feel urges or just feel super depressed. I find that any tool I have to get me through those points is a good one. Been working a lot on trying to be honest and reflecting on my nature and how to work on myself. I firmly believe that sobriety can only succeed if I am committed to it deep down and am aware and willing to put in the personal work. Sometimes I just use something to distract myself, sometimes I just think of how stupid I would feel to have to tell my friends that I'm back at day 1 instead of 3 months and counting. Whatever works!
Thanks so much for reading and for all the responses! Keep em coming, I really appreciate it.
This isn't my first attempt at quitting and I have made it to 3 months before. In the past, I gave in to the cravings. I knew I couldn't drink "normally" but would fool myself into thinking I could have a night of drinking heavily and then bounce back and continue being sober. Uhhh, let's just say that didn't work too well lol.
Having the same cravings right now, my main strategy is to accumulate as many tools as possible. I'm lucky enough to have a good support system and have found talking to be maybe the most important thing. It's no small feat of my loved ones to listen to me blather on about my feelings all the time, so I consider myself lucky in that respect.
Fantail, as you mentioned, exercise has been crucial, even if it is often very hard to work up the energy to do it. I always feel better afterwards. I just finished a very intense and pretty stressful period in my work and personal life so I haven't had as much of an exercise routine as I would like. Things are less busy now so I'm trying to stay proactive. Downtime can definitely be a killer for me, it often seems like I lose a lot of will to better myself when I don't have external pressure on my life. Can be a bad time to have cravings as well. Meditation is something I am very interested in. Do you have any websites or resources you would recommend?
OpenTuning, thank you for the book recommendation. I will definitely check it out. If anyone else has books or just whatever, I am very much up for gathering more information.
Basically, I see this as a "tougher time" or a point at which I could easily slip. I take it day by day but there are multiple points in a day in which I feel urges or just feel super depressed. I find that any tool I have to get me through those points is a good one. Been working a lot on trying to be honest and reflecting on my nature and how to work on myself. I firmly believe that sobriety can only succeed if I am committed to it deep down and am aware and willing to put in the personal work. Sometimes I just use something to distract myself, sometimes I just think of how stupid I would feel to have to tell my friends that I'm back at day 1 instead of 3 months and counting. Whatever works!
Thanks so much for reading and for all the responses! Keep em coming, I really appreciate it.
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