serenitynowplz

Can anyone provide insight on the psychology behind why people sometimes drink to excess ie blackout? I've heard the AA philosophy and do believe alot of it but I feel like there has to be something psychological as well and not just physio. I go through downward spirals every few years. I can take it or leave it some weeks, sometimes go out and only have 4 or 5, and then sometimes get so blackout drunk that I'm beyond mortified waking up in ER suffering from hypothermia from falling off boat and not even remembering any of it. I made my AA list of how my life is unmanageable and it's filled with horrible things where n I'm injuring myself from falling, making out with randoms, and the latest incident which landed me in hospital. Why sometimes and not others? Im Scared To Death To Drink Again but I still have something inside me saying I could handle a glass or two of wine with my husband or a few beers on the boat. Wtf? I.diverted from my original question about psychology around excessive, dangerous drinking tk give you a bit of history. Thoughts?

FreeOwl

What I found is we can spend a lot of time (and a whole lot of suffering and consequences) searching for the 'why'.

I wasted years trying to 'figure it out'.

Then, I finally figured it out. Embracing sobriety released me from that whole awful cycle and opened a happier, deeper, more rewarding life to me.

I don't really care 'why' anymore. I'm not a psychologist and I don't want to spend my precious life researching 'why' alcohol didn't work as a life choice for me. I want to spend my precious life living it fully.

And so far, two years of that attitude has paid off.

I'll let someone else chase the 'why'. I don't even want it anymore.

LiveInPeace

From what I've learned, it's a physical allergy and a mental obsession. We also have an incorrect reaction to life, that centers in our minds. Once we heal, we learn how to respond to life and think healthier, vs reacting.

Some friendly advice, don't be like me wasting a lot of brain power and energy asking "why". You'll just drive yourself crazy being overly analytical trying to understand why one person is an alcoholic and another person isn't. Just do what you need to do to get better. :-)

doggonecarl

You believe a lot of it. Do you believe enough to accept you are an alcoholic?

If you do, that's why you do it.

serenitynowplz

For so many years I chose not to drink much though. It's as if I lost my reason to stay in control. While in college, my entire crowd was partying and blackout drinking. I got married, career, kids.... decided I preferred not to act irresponsibly anymore. My kids are older, husband is gone for work ALOT l, I have a group of friends that again drinks alot. Do I self loathe? Do I subconsciously choose what could be self destructive for me? I don't completely believe it's chemical. Mainly bc I can control my initial instinct of whether.or not to drink. It's just that I never know what the outcome might be. Cost benefit analysis I know.... but I'm also interested in the psych piece.

doggonecarl

You drink to blackout despite your desire not to. Not every time, but you do. That's a problem. You don't have to call it alcoholism. But the solution to drinking to black out is the same.

Quitting.

Not psychology. Action.

serenitynowplz

It's hard to get a spouse to understand that. He wants to know the psychology behind it so he can understand.

Berrybean

My OH has read a bit of the big book and 12 and 12 to try and understand - there's a chance that he just might not 'get it', no matter how much he wants to.

doggonecarl

Fine. Then let him do the research. And suggest he look into Al-alon. They'll tell him your recovery is yours.

ScottFromWI

I tried to figure out "why" I was an alcoholic for a long time. In the end, I was really searching for a way to FIX the problem so I could return to controlled drinking.

As long as you continue to drink, you'll continue to black out. That's a fact. If you quit drinking you won't black out anymore or end up lying in a gutter from being blacked out - that's also a fact. Whether or not you understand the "psyche" is largely irrelevant.

serenitynowplz

Thanks, everyone. I needed to hear all of this.

ScottFromWI

It's not only hard, it's sometimes impossible. And unfortunately, we don't always get what we want in life.

You can control your own actions - and in turn the consequences...that is where you should start.

FreeOwl

not only that.... but wait, REALLY?

He can't "Understand" that you drink to blackout, that it's unpredictable, and that it's enough of a problem you should just not drink?

Because that's pretty straightforward and easy to understand, actually.

"Why doesn't matter anymore sweetheart. For me, I have decided that living fully means living sober".

That's a pretty simple statement.

beautifulpines

My husband keeps asking me why I can not drink like a "normal" person. I never drank like a "normal" person. Last night when he asked again, sober me just smiled and said "because I can not drink period."

Soberwolf

We have a no drinking rule at home ?