Ap052183

I broke up with my ex about 7 months ago and I feel as if I've regressed in my healing. We only dated a year and a half but I was more "in love" with him than anyone in my life. I should mention my father, brother, and grandfather have all had addiction issues so its all i know. Anyway I acknowledge I loved the idea of my ex more than him as a whole. I still struggle with blaming myself. He really was under a lot of stress...why couldn't I have waited? Was I too emotionally distant? I have vulnerability issues due to a chaotic upbringing but maybe he felt emotionally isolated? I felt so overwhelmed by his needs, maybe I'm just not loving and giving enough? Maybe I'm selfish? I'm still consumed by these emotions and it's very depressing. I'm told I have so much going for me but I find that I still struggle to feel like I deserve love. Maybe im not loving? I do struggle with it at times. He said to me "you won't let me love you"....after he drank through and blew off valentine's day dinner. That quote haunts me as if maybe I put up such a wall I made it difficult. Rationally I know it can't be me, but my emotions are still so chaotic. I feel my therapist is getting sick of rehashing the same ideas week after week. Any advice? Books to read? I've read codependent no more bUT I think I need more.

ladyscribbler

Can you get to an Alanon meeting? I do therapy as well, but those two meetings a week are my lifeline to sanity in the tough times.

hopeful4

I second that. Counseling has been a wonderful thing for me.

Ap052183

I do therapy and even was while dating him...I haven't been to alanon in a month or so and you're right I should probably go again. I've never considered getting a sponsor but maybe I should?

hopeful4

Yes, you should get a sponsor, someone you really click with. It will help you, as well as working the steps. It really does make you take a hard look into your own life and who you are and how to take charge of yourself.

This forum has also helped me get through some of my darkest days. It's nice to never be alone.

dandylion

Since the males in y our family have been alcoholics...perhaps you could benefit from Adult Children of Alcoholics.

dandylion

Ap052183

Thank you for the suggestion about aca...I've never considered it as my dad was a drug user, however I realize the outcome is essentially the same. I've found some meetings.