lessgravity

Here, again.

Lies, shame. Hiding bottles.

New life with a new woman, but I'm still my same rotten self.

Not trying to be melodramatic, but everything I touch goes sour. Everything to be thankful for, work, love life, family, health, son...

and yet the poison is all the beast inside wants. More and more and more.

My ex said today she doesn't know where my bottom is going to be. Feel very very close to it right now.

Sorry for the rant. A bit dramatic, I know.

Here. Again.

FreeOwl

There's someone inside who is more than "the beast".

There's someone who is truer, more joyful, more beautiful, more loving, more deserving, more caring, more glorious than "the beast".

You can choose to find that someone and let that someone guide you.... instead of "the beast".

"the beast" isn't in charge.... you are.

Soberwolf

Start writing up a plan stick close to us & try to get to a meeting there are lots of programmes to choose from bud

Opivotal

I understand lessgravity. Doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results.

I had to get some support and change my life. You can do this... gather as much information as you can, seek a Doctors help and reclaim your life!

You're worth it.

lessgravity

Thank you guys. I'm in such a horrible place right now - pure anxiety and fear and shame and nausea.

And the most insane thing is it's a place I know so well, am almost comfortable with the misery. It's what I know best.

Delilah1

The fact that you are here again shows that you want to stop. I have been part of the same cycle. It is not easy, I have too many day ones, but there is always lots of support on here. I need to check in more often, and have a solid plan.

SoberLeigh

You can escape that horrible place, less gravity, and leave it behind forever.

Start today; move forward into a better way of living.

Here are some great links to read to help you formulate a plan for sobriety and recovery:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ependence.html

RDBplus3

Almost ... at the BOTTOM.

Almost ... ready to REALLY do Step 1 ... Looking back that is the ONLY place I could have started to REALLY work the Steps ... and be ROCKETED into the 4th Dimension of existence. From the depths of Pitiful & Incomprehensible Demoralization (Repeatedly) to a state of mind and quality of existence I would not have believed possible.

It is a REALITY ... the 12 Steps ALWAYS bring about a transformation when they are actually WORKED.

But ... it takes hitting that BOTTOM where there is NO Other Option ... otherwise I will just keep insisting it won't work ... because ... but the ONLY because is because 'I' have not hit enough of a BOTTOM to HAVE TO do it.

RDBplus3 ... Happy, Joyous and FREE ... and I KNOW U can B 2 ... but where is that BOTTOM where I have to give up insisting it won't work because ...

SoberLeigh

This is another great link:

https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf

You can do this, lessgravity.

ScottFromWI

There is a much better way Less. Alcoholism is kind of insane by definition, but you can choose a better path. And as bad as it seems right now, I hate to break the news but it gets worse.

Why not put your all into making a change?

Dee74

Hey Less - you know the way out of where you are...what's holding you up?

D

Anna

Lessgravity, I felt the same way at the end of my drinking days. Such despair. I hope you are ready to stop drinking. You never have to feel this way again.

Hawkeye13

I am sending you support and hope less--I know you are used to misery
and so was I.
I never thought I could come out of my drunken tailspin, but I have,
and even with relapses, I know peace comes with sobriety and misery
isn't my "normal" state underneath any more than it's yours--

Make a plan and really engage it.
Things can and will get so much better

Hevyn

Less, I'm so glad you came back to talk it over. We're all familiar with the feelings of despair and remorse. Here's where it can end - and for good. Get yourself well again and you never have to revisit this scene. Please keep talking to us.

trachemys

When everything you touch turns sour...it's time to stop touching.

Turn in. Into yourself. Stop seeking the solution out there. The solution is in you.

WhiskeyBent

I feel the same way.

As bad as I feel, its strangely comforting someone else feels this bad too. I hope that doesn't come across as mean. Trying to say that your not alone. And if we are not alone, I guess there is some hope. Right?

Clarebear13

Use the " new woman" as an excuse for new start for you. You are not rotten, just sick. Hugs

fantail

This exactly... that's how I felt. The repetition of the pattern was a kind of sick safety. It took all of my energy and I was good at it, more or less. I was very good at spending all my time managing my drunkenness and withdrawals.

Don't choose pain over uncertainty anymore. The hell with the devil you know.

thomas11

HI LG, since you joined in 2013, I'm guessing you've battled this for awhile. Already lots of great people offering up help here. I kind of know what you mean when you say that misery and chaos has become your comfort zone. It also means its probably a good time to try something new. Wish you the best.

BixBees505

Good.