abraxas69

Certainly not looking for relationship advice, in fact this is more of a rant than anything else so not looking for any advice at all really, although a group hug emoticon or two would be nice :-)

Today I am a week sober (as mentioned elsewhere). After years of either passing out early, or giving my GF a hard time whilst drink, I'd thought she might be happy! Instead, and much to my surprise, all I've got this morning is attitude!

Maybe its a bit of a shock to find me happy, bubbly, and singing to the radio on a Sunday morning... instead of hungover and apologetic for whatever I did or didn't do the night before (you know the feeling - when you know you gotta apologize for something, but don't actually remember what it is you need to apologize for).

Maybe she's jealous? Maybe its just the fact that she hates change and things are certainly changing (although I accept it is very early days). Maybe I'm just reading too much into it and I'm just disappointed she's not as excited about my sobriety as I am?

(Rhetorical) questions over. Rant over. Thanks for reading

Soberwolf

Way to go on a week sober

ScottFromWI

I think that's part of it. A week is great but remember your drinking and the problems it caused went on for years. It's going to take time to prove you are serious and dedicated to long term sobriety.

erky

She has probably been adapting to your absence and now you are present. I encourage you to invite her in to your new world slowly and gently. Maintain your resolve to heal regardless, you are nothing if you drink. Be the best you can. You are a good man.

Carver

I'm sure it's nothing more than just a bad mood 😀

Having said that, I think my gf preferred it when I was a useless drunk. She had to get used to, and grew to enjoy being the one in charge. It's a huge change for them, maybe more than it is for us sometimes.

CurlyGirl1978

I went through the same thing with a grumpy mate but the longer you are sober, the more she will adapt and then the appreciation for your sobriety will just happen out of nowhere. Give it time and don't feed into the grumpiness.

JoeCree

I think there is always a power struggle with the significant other wgen you decide to become sober and imorove your life. Your SO assumes you think you are absolved of years of abuse simply by taking a "break". I believe that when they know you are serious and are making strides to improve your lufe and subsequently theirs, you will find the level of happiness and support increase dramatically.
Everyone has bad days, if your gf is having one try your best to be supportive. Although you are no longer in need of apologizing for "something" it would be a great time to be proactive and receive a thank you instead.

LBrain

This comment cannot be understated.
When we get sober, we are introducing a 'new' person into a relationship - a stranger. And it does take time for others to adjust. Hopefully they are able to recognize the benefits. It does take some time...

Anna

Yes, it's likely she's not nearly as excited about it as you are. Others really don't understand how hard this is. It's also likely that she is concerned about change, wondering how things will go now that you're sober.

Congratulations on a week sober.

biminiblue

^^ here ya go. At least I can do that!

As a girl myself, I would say give her some space.

Hawkeye13

Yep--takes awhile for them to buy in and they often have some axes which
quite frankly deserve a bit of grinding.

You keep sober and things will improve for you no matter what

abraxas69

Thanks to all for taking the time to reply, this journey certainly is an eye opener and your kind words and insight help immensely...

Change is certainly something my SO struggles with, and I have quit smoking (a month ago) and drinking without any grand announcements or fanfare... If roles were reversed I'd be in a bit of a state of shock too.

I also agree with the comments made about having to deal with a new person on several levels...

Aellyce

I was in a relationship of a few years when I quit drinking. It definitely changed a lot of things about my relationship and my sober perception was actually extremely enlightening about why I chose to be with that person and stayed for years -- in other words, I learned a lot of things about myself and my true preferences seeing everything in a different light. My partner also pretty strongly denied that I was an alcoholic and continued to do so for quite some time, in spite of the fact that it could not have been more obvious.

For some relationship in a similar situation, there might also be some fear on the side of the partner that if we made such a change and continue to make changes, perhaps at some point it will also affect how we relate to them, maybe next thing to change will be them? Sort of a fear of abandonment, conscious or not.

Like others suggested, give it time and continue to communicate with your GF about yourself and your feelings so that she can see what is going on. I think we typically experience a huge change in early sobriety, but it's not always obvious to others, including what it means to us. Congrats on the week -- I remember vividly the euphoria I felt after getting through the first week or two, it definitely felt like an enormous achievement and change compared with the years prior

tomsteve

have ya tried communication with her?
it seems communication is a good way to find out what problems are and solutions.

abraxas69

This is probably very much a factor here too. This is not the first time I have tried to quit during our relationship, and a recurring theme on those occasions has been my partner suggesting that abstaining completely is perhaps a bit overkill, and that I should just learn to moderate my drinking. If only eh! I don't blame her for that - if you are a person who CAN stop after one drink I don't suppose it is easy to comprehend what it is like to be otherwise.

I suspect that may well be a factor.

That is something I am going to have to learn how to do! Apart from a few exceptions, the pattern for the past few years has been to bottle things up and then let them all out after a few drinks. Goes without saying, complete disaster.

breath

We trudge a long road to sobriety, and an even longer one in the hopes of demonstrating to others we are indeed in recovery. This is not a transformation, but a treatment; that's why, through the practice of sobriety we are granted a daily reprieve from our disease.