Shantilove

Hi,
I don't post here often I'm more of a daily lurker. I just need to vent.I was 9 weeks sober and relapsed. I thought I could drink and be in control, my husband thought I ' deserved' a night out after all my hard work being sober, well I took it to another level, woke up with the worst hangover in my life, cancelled work, continued to drink, in the past alcohol always cured the hangover but this time it didn't. My husband came home from work early and sees me throwing up on the couch, what a pretty sight. He was fuming that I canceled work and i was back to my old habits. So clearly anyone who drinks in the morning to 'cure a hangover' shouldn't drink.
Tomorrow I'm back to day 1. Again.
Lost my self respect and that of my husband, again.

strategery

I'm sorry to hear that last night didn't end so well for you. The good thing is that you can use this experience to move yourself forward and learn from in your recovery. You had 9 weeks, but can get many more after this experience.

I hope you stay around and post more.

Frank14

Even though you're feeling pretty bad physically and emotionally, you're experience helps remind the rest of us who are at that stage. Learn from it and move on I guess. Now when you get to the next 9 weeks and you start to think you "deserve" a drink, you can use this memory to put an end to those ideas, since you've proven it doesn't work for you.

TNTStill

Sorry to hear. Hope you feel better soon.

sva777

Sorry to hear this happened, pick up the pieces don't be to hard on yourself.

OceanGuy

You're not alone, Shanti. Was at around 2 1/2 weeks and slipped over turkey day. At least it was only 2 days of drinking and now I'm back to re-committing myself anew and taking it back to sober-land.
We can do it!

Berrybean

Wow. What a learning curve - for your husband as well as you. So many people fall for their AVs telling them: You're fine now, you can control alcohol - after all you managed to not drink. Or the - well done, you deserve a drink. Our AVs are such massive liars. (Your husband, like many normies, prresumably didn't understand that he was joining ranks with your AV, and that it's the first one that does the damage.)

Good luck on the next phase of your journey. We're rooting for you.

x

Shantilove

Thanks guys.
I feel like ****. Part of me just wishes he would leave so I could drink this anxiety away and the other part of me just wants to cry and beg for forgiveness.

FreeOwl

Instead, split the difference and just allow yourself to feel the emotion but then also allow yourself to let it go.

This relapse process is one many of us went through. For me, it was actually countless small times and several really big ones.... until eventually I truly, deeply chose that I wanted a richer, better, happier life more than I wantEd to keep trying to find a way to drink alcohol.

For me that choice was the turning point and taking real ACTION to support it was the path that has led me to nearly two years sobriety and a much, much happier life.

You can too.

Shantilove

I drank to push the initial anxiety and reality away, so I don't remember coming home, I just know it was bad, because he won't even touch me,the usual drunk dials to friends in my call history, **** stained bed, sorry for too much information. ****. I'm so stupid.

FreeOwl

You're not stupid. You're alcoholic.

That can be addressed.

Don't waste your time in self beration...

Spend it making change

Shantilove

I'm so embarrassed that I am this way. Why can't I be normal and enjoy a few drinks?!

FreeOwl

I don't know.

I can't help you there.

I gave up asking and trying to answer that question after 25 years of failure at trying.

I switched the question to 'how can I live the most abundant life and be the best person I can be without alcohol' and my life became pretty wonderful.

If you are like me and many others here and around the world..... you may never be able to answer the 'why can't I just have a few drinks' question beyond a simple 'because I'm an alcoholic'.

But you CAN find new answers every day to 'WOW!!! How great can my life get!?' Question.

Choose sobriety and see.

Shantilove

Thank you for having the patience to try and understand me. I appreciate it.
I guess I'll just ride out the anxiety for the next few days. Sober living was great. I really enjoyed waking up fresh without amnesia and impending doom, I can get back there,

Mountainmanbob

Doesn't hurt to beat ourselves up for a few days, taking time for (true) repentance.

I had to get sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Mountainman

Hawkeye13

Maybe your husband shouldn't encourage you anymore?
Mine thought I could do it too, and missed the "party girl"

But we both realized she's left the building long ago. . .

Get back on the wagon, don't keep beating yourself up,
and move forward from here. . .

Hangovers are so awful--I really hope you feel better soon.

Soberwolf

Hi ShantiLove you were sober 9 weeks that did happen so the good news is you know you can do this

It took me a good few tries to get & remain sober I couldn't even get to a month sober true story this is the first time I've been over a month sober I'm now 28 months my previous longest time sober was 18 days

And all the other tries were under 18 days so know I've been where you are

Feeling heartbroken defeated lonely angry all them emotions in the end I was alone with that & it was a horrible time in my life

You done 9 weeks sober that counts for a heck of a lot in my book

Time to rest & figure out a plan I think

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html

Stick close to SR XO

Shantilove

Thank you so much guys. I have no one in my 'real life' to talk to who understands me.
I think it's time I get to the root of my problems, find out why I'm drinking. There must be an underlying issue. Or is that just me wanting to blame and excuse my behavior. Maybe I'm just an alcoholic that's all.

JD

If there is a root to the problem the only way you'll get to it is to stop drinking. Don't expect to find that root and then all your drinking problems will go away.

Anna

Shanti, I agree with you with looking at the underlying issues. Stopping drinking is one thing, but staying sober and recovering is another. Many of us have issues that we need to deal with in order to make this happen.

Use this experience as motivation to stop drinking for good.