MIRecovery

I posted this a month ago and something has changed.

Stage 5 I meet with a spiritual counselor and she said something very profound to me. She said, "God put you on this earth to be happy. Of course you will always miss your daughter but it does not need to define your life. Her loss is a part of who you are but it is only a part. She told me to recite this words when ever I was feeling down.

This is the day the LORD has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.

After a month of saying these words I have started to change. I am giving myself permission to heal. It is OK for the grief not to be in my head 24X7, It is OK not to miss her every second of everyday, I do not need to feel guilty when I genuinely am enjoying myself.

Although it has been a very hard road I know it was a necessary road and I could not be where I am today if I had not been sober

The grief journey

I'm learning this whole grief thing is a journey not a destination. I don't know if this will help anyone but you may wish to file this away for the day you lose someone close.

When my daughter died 15 months ago my first stage was numbness and disbelief. I could not believe she was gone. Vivacious and alive 28 year Olds don't die of cancer they just don't. I could shake the feeling that this was just a bad dream that I would wake up from.

Stage 2 was accepting she was gone and the spiral into the pit of despair and depression. Thoughts of drinking and suicide occurred on a daily basis. Just living was so very very hard. If it had not been for God, professional help, SR, AA, friends and family I wouldn't have made it.

Stage 3 was black depression mixed with a few not horrible days. Days where life seemed worth living.

Stage 4 is where I'm at today. Life is worth living again but there is profound sadness 24X7. I wakeup sad I go to bed sad. A piece of my soul is gone and it is never coming back.

The journey goes on but one thing has been constant. I knew that there was no problem alcohol wouldn't make worse

Soberwolf

that helped me Mir

Venecia

Thank you, MIRecovery.

This poignant passage reminds me of why we're here together. The collective heart of SR is always with you as this journey continues.

Dee once wrote "when MIRecovery speaks, I listen."

So do I.

SoberLeigh

What a beautiful post, MIR.

Your journey has been most inspirational.

biminiblue

Thank you for sharing your journey, MIR.

tursiops999

Thank you, MIR. That helps me so much .. I know there will be losses to come in my life, but to see you walk through it sober gives me hope and confidence that I can do it too.

CodeJob

Hello MIR,

I pray you will have more happy days. You are so generous to share your experience with a grief counselor here. I think grief & regrets are something everyone needs to work through in recovery. Though for your daughter, your story lights a path in how one can work through it.

#chadtough MIR. Happy Thanksgiving!

Soberpotamus

Thanks for sharing this, MIR. I think this can help many of us who've lost loved ones

Anna

MIR I so appreciate you sharing your grief recovery journey with us. It's good that you're beginning to feel a bit better.

Pondlady

Beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your journey with us.

SLD

THIS is a mantra for life for alcoholics. I have a daughter near her age... I cannot imagine your pain. God bless, press forward.

Dee74

Some journeys are rougher travelling that others but no less important, or insightful.

Thanks for sharing your journey with us MIR

D

Hevyn

This was very helpful for me today too, MIR. I've been 'wandering morbidly around in the past'. Wise words that we can all benefit from. Thank you so much.