Against the odds?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 354
Against the odds?
Hi everyone, not sure where to start as is usually the case in any kind of new forum...
The title of my thread - in a nutshell is a reference to the fact that I have managed to go 6 days sober* with no support from anyone else whatsoever, but from what I have read it is rare for anyone to succeed without the support of friends and family. Unfortunately "friends and family" are never going to be a source of support for me. I don't say that to elicit sympathy, it's just to set the scene, so to speak.
* Probably the longest I have gone without a drink for the past 25 years.
I had my wakeup call last Sunday - woke up in the spare bed (why am I here? how did I get here?). Not a first in itself, but the bruised ribs, sore back and neck, sore head were... I had obviously fallen - heavily, but had no recollection of it whatsoever. Not a clue. Still don't.
So my 6 days of sobriety wasn't planned. My ribs are still sore, and that pain is making the past few days not as bad as I thought it would be. That's not to say it's been easy by the way.
But when the ribs are no longer bruised, when the memory fades of how scared I was waking up on Sunday morning, and with no one to fall back on when temptation comes a calling, as I know it will.... well, what then?
I'm rambling lol... I'll leave it there for now. Get that first post under the belt and all that, take some time to look around the forum a bit more... thanks for taking the time to read
The title of my thread - in a nutshell is a reference to the fact that I have managed to go 6 days sober* with no support from anyone else whatsoever, but from what I have read it is rare for anyone to succeed without the support of friends and family. Unfortunately "friends and family" are never going to be a source of support for me. I don't say that to elicit sympathy, it's just to set the scene, so to speak.
* Probably the longest I have gone without a drink for the past 25 years.
I had my wakeup call last Sunday - woke up in the spare bed (why am I here? how did I get here?). Not a first in itself, but the bruised ribs, sore back and neck, sore head were... I had obviously fallen - heavily, but had no recollection of it whatsoever. Not a clue. Still don't.
So my 6 days of sobriety wasn't planned. My ribs are still sore, and that pain is making the past few days not as bad as I thought it would be. That's not to say it's been easy by the way.
But when the ribs are no longer bruised, when the memory fades of how scared I was waking up on Sunday morning, and with no one to fall back on when temptation comes a calling, as I know it will.... well, what then?
I'm rambling lol... I'll leave it there for now. Get that first post under the belt and all that, take some time to look around the forum a bit more... thanks for taking the time to read
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 185
Welcome to SR! I've had many of those mornings. The "what the hell happened last night?" I ended up here too and just starting reading. I'm married, but really I got sober by myself. Other than me saying it's day 10, 20, etc and him saying great job. It's great to have people who care and all but in my opinion if you aren't ready then you won't change.
I'm glad you are here and look forward to reading your story
I'm glad you are here and look forward to reading your story
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 123
Welcome abraxas.
I remember the injuries. Looking down at my legs in the morning and thinking, how did I get those.
Well done on your days. After 25 years that is a huge achievement and you should be rightly proud.
I'm only on day 23 myself. Anytime I get the urge to drink I remember that it will make whatever I'm upset or angry about a heck of a lot worse.
I also use the play the tape forward idea. I remember that last drunk and where it took me. A police cell and a psych ward for a week after I tried to throw myself out of a hotel window. I don't want to go back to that. A drink will take me right back to that despair and misery. I may be up and down a lot at the moment, but I certainly never want to feel as I did just over three weeks ago. I don't think I'd get through it next time.
All the best on your journey. X
I remember the injuries. Looking down at my legs in the morning and thinking, how did I get those.
Well done on your days. After 25 years that is a huge achievement and you should be rightly proud.
I'm only on day 23 myself. Anytime I get the urge to drink I remember that it will make whatever I'm upset or angry about a heck of a lot worse.
I also use the play the tape forward idea. I remember that last drunk and where it took me. A police cell and a psych ward for a week after I tried to throw myself out of a hotel window. I don't want to go back to that. A drink will take me right back to that despair and misery. I may be up and down a lot at the moment, but I certainly never want to feel as I did just over three weeks ago. I don't think I'd get through it next time.
All the best on your journey. X
Adventurer
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Tuxedo Park, NY
Posts: 1,101
I have been there, bruised and even broken ribs along with mystery bruises or scrapes. I started getting into situations once in a while that would result this way years back. I would try and quit but it never stuck. As you mentioned as the pain faded I went back to the booze, I may have even been boozing to numb the pain after the fact.
It wasn't until this past January everything came together, the switch flipped and I was done. I don't know why it took me so long and so many injuries and embarrassing moments. I made it stick with help on here and a plan for me made by me, especially what do do if a craving hits. While I think it would be more difficult with the people around you not giving support ultimately you decide your fate. Use the tools around you whatever they might be, you may turn out to have some supportive people around you and have not even noticed.
It wasn't until this past January everything came together, the switch flipped and I was done. I don't know why it took me so long and so many injuries and embarrassing moments. I made it stick with help on here and a plan for me made by me, especially what do do if a craving hits. While I think it would be more difficult with the people around you not giving support ultimately you decide your fate. Use the tools around you whatever they might be, you may turn out to have some supportive people around you and have not even noticed.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 354
Wow! I have to go out so just a quick thanks for the quick replies, and for sharing a little of your own stories with me - that has helped immensely. It really has.
Thank you and see you again soon for sure.
Thank you and see you again soon for sure.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by abraxas69 
The title of my thread - in a nutshell is a reference to the fact that I have managed to go 6 days sober* with no support from anyone else whatsoever...
WELCOME!
Instead of contemplating the odds of failing, I recommend focusing on what you need to do to succeed.
Make a plan. Work the plan.
Change is possible.
Hope is reasonable.
You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 283
i used to always have mystery bruises. and then i woke up one morning with blood on my face and in my hair. i had seemingly gone out of the wrong door for the bathroom and fallen down a flight of stairs. i apparently landed on my face with no attempt to break the fall. i broke my nose, loosened four teeth, bit through my bottom lip and had two spectacular black eyes. i had then gone back to bed. i have no recollection whatsoever of any of this.
i went to the pub that night.
welcome, and props to you for 6 days.
i went to the pub that night.
welcome, and props to you for 6 days.
Last edited by chickippo; 11-27-2015 at 08:55 AM. Reason: edited for clarity
Adventurer
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Tuxedo Park, NY
Posts: 1,101
Originally Posted by chickippo
i used to always have mystery bruises. and then i woke up one morning with blood on my face and in my hair. i had seemingly gone out of the wrong door for the bathroom and fallen down a flight of stairs. i apparently landed on my face with no attempt to break the fall. i broke my nose, loosened four teeth, bit through my bottom lip and had two spectacular black eyes. i had then gone back to bed. i have no recollection whatsoever of any of this.
i went to the pub that night.
welcome, and props to you for 6 days.
i went to the pub that night.
welcome, and props to you for 6 days.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Welcome, Abraxas
I don't have the support of friends and family. This forum has been all the support I've needed for nearly two years.
I'm glad you've found us. Usually other people who have never had a problem with alcohol don't understand our situation or what it takes to remain abstinent. We understand.
I don't have the support of friends and family. This forum has been all the support I've needed for nearly two years.
I'm glad you've found us. Usually other people who have never had a problem with alcohol don't understand our situation or what it takes to remain abstinent. We understand.
Adventurer
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: Tuxedo Park, NY
Posts: 1,101
Originally Posted by biminiblue
Welcome, Abraxas
I don't have the support of friends and family. This forum has been all the support I've needed for nearly two years.
I'm glad you've found us. Usually other people who have never had a problem with alcohol don't understand our situation or what it takes to remain abstinent. We understand.
I don't have the support of friends and family. This forum has been all the support I've needed for nearly two years.
I'm glad you've found us. Usually other people who have never had a problem with alcohol don't understand our situation or what it takes to remain abstinent. We understand.
Very true, my wife while supportive does not really get it although she does more than most others. Most people just don't understand why we need to stop and why we can't just moderate or be more like them.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Hi abraxas and welcome to the forum. It's great that you're thinking about what happens when the pain fades. I have a really short term memory for pain and embarrassment and feeling ill. Selective amnesia. I come on here a lot for support and to be reminded why I quit drinking. I also have made my own support. While my family is supportive, they just don't understand. I have made some friends in AA who I can reach out to if I need support.
Hang in there. Read around. Post. Ask questions. Welcome aboard.
Hang in there. Read around. Post. Ask questions. Welcome aboard.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
It's so good to meet you, abraxas. You never have to feel alone again. Knowing I was among friends who understood made all the difference to my recovery. It's a relief to have a safe place to discuss things and not be judged. You can do this.
The hoop you have to jump through is a lot wider than you think!
Join Date: Nov 2015
Posts: 150
Stick with thoughts and support of others that share these experiences. We each have people that don't understand and judge. Just don't drink right now. Let them say and think whatever they want. Your family that is. As long as they don't throw alcohol down your throat they can not harm you unless you allow them to irritate you at this crucial time. Just say "ok. You may be right". That is a polite way to not agree or disagree. Just keep coming back here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 354
Overwhelmed with your responses - I am so glad I found SR! My heartfelt thanks to you all.
Too many replies that resonate so well to quote each individually, but if I may open up a little more and tell you a bit about the last few days (and last night in particular)... it will help me to get it off my chest at the very least!
Last night was a close call. My partner of 10 years most certainly does not understand!!! Now, to be fair to her, I have not said during the past week "that's it, I'm done", or anything like that. But on the other hand, it's not like she doesn't know I have a problem (surely?)
So, to cut to the chase, I spent the entire evening with (her) glass of wine within easy reach. Bonkers.
This is what I meant when I asked "against the odds?". She is not going to stop drinking because I have. Should I expect her to do so? I don't yet know the answer to that! Would be nice not to have it almosst waved in my face though!
I have taken solace reading that others' partners don't understand. That has certainly dissipated the resentment towards my partner that was most certainly building last night.
I "know" that if I have one drink I can stop and leave it at that. I also *know* that by the end of that one drink I will no longer be able to stop and leave it at that. That is the switch that has been turned on over the past week, and the thing that is keeping me sober so far.
Too many replies that resonate so well to quote each individually, but if I may open up a little more and tell you a bit about the last few days (and last night in particular)... it will help me to get it off my chest at the very least!
Last night was a close call. My partner of 10 years most certainly does not understand!!! Now, to be fair to her, I have not said during the past week "that's it, I'm done", or anything like that. But on the other hand, it's not like she doesn't know I have a problem (surely?)
So, to cut to the chase, I spent the entire evening with (her) glass of wine within easy reach. Bonkers.
This is what I meant when I asked "against the odds?". She is not going to stop drinking because I have. Should I expect her to do so? I don't yet know the answer to that! Would be nice not to have it almosst waved in my face though!
I have taken solace reading that others' partners don't understand. That has certainly dissipated the resentment towards my partner that was most certainly building last night.
I "know" that if I have one drink I can stop and leave it at that. I also *know* that by the end of that one drink I will no longer be able to stop and leave it at that. That is the switch that has been turned on over the past week, and the thing that is keeping me sober so far.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,384
Hi and welcome abraxas69
to be honest I didn't have much in the way of support from either friends or family - alcoholism is much understood by my family, and efforts to sober myself up were misunderstood and treated with aggression or even hostility by a lot of my mates/drinking buddies.
But...here, at SR I had 100% support - and it's kept me sober for nearly a decade now
It was much harder for me to forget about how bad my drinking was or rationalise it away when I had my old posts, or other peoples stories to remind me.
However much you're hurting now, you're still at the top of the slope....alcoholism is progressive - things will get worse if you continue to drink.
D
to be honest I didn't have much in the way of support from either friends or family - alcoholism is much understood by my family, and efforts to sober myself up were misunderstood and treated with aggression or even hostility by a lot of my mates/drinking buddies.
But...here, at SR I had 100% support - and it's kept me sober for nearly a decade now
It was much harder for me to forget about how bad my drinking was or rationalise it away when I had my old posts, or other peoples stories to remind me.
However much you're hurting now, you're still at the top of the slope....alcoholism is progressive - things will get worse if you continue to drink.
D
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
