accepting parts of ourselves??
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Dallas,TX
Posts: 39
accepting parts of ourselves??
maybe someone can explain this better...
I read somewhere...lol..who knows where now..I've read so much!
when you meet someone..even a casual encounter...and you take an immediate dislike to them..it is because you see something of yourself that you don't like??...
for example I read....if you encounter someone that you find overbearing and rude...you overreact...because you are a people please...and that is a part of you that wants to be owned or accepted??...
huh??...can anyone shed some light on this?...
thanks
talia
I read somewhere...lol..who knows where now..I've read so much!
when you meet someone..even a casual encounter...and you take an immediate dislike to them..it is because you see something of yourself that you don't like??...
for example I read....if you encounter someone that you find overbearing and rude...you overreact...because you are a people please...and that is a part of you that wants to be owned or accepted??...
huh??...can anyone shed some light on this?...
thanks
talia
Castaway
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Texas
Posts: 783
Hi Talia,
This is a great post. I wish I could offer something, but I am somewhat of a recluse and cannot sort out peoples very well; and therefore cannot offer anything of significant value. If it's okay with you, I'll just wait until someone that knows something comes by. Maybe I'll learn something. Thank you for a thought-provoking post. You are a dear person.
Sandy
This is a great post. I wish I could offer something, but I am somewhat of a recluse and cannot sort out peoples very well; and therefore cannot offer anything of significant value. If it's okay with you, I'll just wait until someone that knows something comes by. Maybe I'll learn something. Thank you for a thought-provoking post. You are a dear person.
Sandy
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Second star to the right....
Posts: 845
hmm
yes you triggered a thought there
when i see someone and am irritated the irritation is in my mind!! only i an change my reaction not the people taht come into my life
i think that God is in all of us so we are all a part of God and thereforeONE. wheni think this the hatred fades and a compassion fills me and i smile. also when i see a misery guts and think theyre trying to rain on my parade etc
its been important for me to learn any hatred i feel is being carried by me, i can accept that i feel anger and irritation but that i can ask god to remove it and so it shall be released!
so i think its important to not see the self as separate from society but one and the same
such is the same in meetings, not to think wellim more in front or bhind and thus better, better looking etc etc god doesnt measure us and neither should we. gods love will flow thru and you will never run out and youll realise that 'although you may not like everyone youll love them in a very special way because they are simply human,,,and so are we!!
when i see someone and am irritated the irritation is in my mind!! only i an change my reaction not the people taht come into my life
i think that God is in all of us so we are all a part of God and thereforeONE. wheni think this the hatred fades and a compassion fills me and i smile. also when i see a misery guts and think theyre trying to rain on my parade etc
its been important for me to learn any hatred i feel is being carried by me, i can accept that i feel anger and irritation but that i can ask god to remove it and so it shall be released!
so i think its important to not see the self as separate from society but one and the same
such is the same in meetings, not to think wellim more in front or bhind and thus better, better looking etc etc god doesnt measure us and neither should we. gods love will flow thru and you will never run out and youll realise that 'although you may not like everyone youll love them in a very special way because they are simply human,,,and so are we!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Los Angeles, Ca.
Posts: 353
i believe people are good mirrors. how we react to each other is sometimes a good way to really observe ourselves. if i meet someone and take a dislike to their behavior right away....i file it in my brain under "observation of possible dislike/need more info". i always give a second chance because you never know what may be going on. i usually ask someone what is going on if things seem strange or they are out of sorts, i do this politely. sometimes circumstances can alter a persons behavior so, unless they are doing something like kicking old people or whatever, i remain polite and if i end up disliking what they are about- i don't waste my time on them. so are they a mirror of me or am i reacting because i have an issue? no i would be if i chose to engage in their negativity or get into a power struggle with them over it. if someone is rude to me i stand up for myself and move on.... and believe me i was raised in a trailer park so i have no problem standing up for my self! i guess it comes down to motives within the idividual. if you can answer why you are reacting- you are looking into the mirror the other person has provided for you. hopefully you like what you see, if not then that may be something you would like to work on. i try to have compassion for where people are on their particular path in life but find it difficult during rush hour traffic in L.A.! love- alice
Trying to let go of naivete
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 1
Dear Talia,
I am no expert on this topic, I just began on the path to try to identify and recover from unhealthy relationships. I am trying to leave behind one(s) I am in now, and to start my life basically from scratch. However, I read something somewhere recently that I think relates to your question.
It was written specifically for people who have been in relationships with alcoholics, and about how our minds tend to work. It said when dealing with anyone who is difficult/rude/overbearing, pay attention to how you feel inside, and ignore everything that is going on outside of you. Apparantly, ACOA's have a tendency to do the opposite.
I cannot believe how much that one little sentence helped me, whether with my boyfriend (in recovery when I met him four years ago, and is now sort-of relapsed -- 3 brief periods, that I know of, in the last year), and with rude people at work.
It actually almost makes me feel like smiling/laughing when I do it, the relief is so huge and like an amazing gift. It is almost funny how rude/inappropriate they are, or maybe I am just a little giddy from the relief of something like that not getting under my skin, for once.
But it is much harder for me to do at home, when someone is there pretty much all of the time that I am home. I live with my parents and my children, and it will be a while before I can afford to move us out. My father is Dr.Jekyll/Mr. Hyde drinker. If I carefully pay attention to how I feel inside, instead of to him/what he is doing/what he is saying, it is harder to do than just with a casual encounter with a rude person.
But I'm working on it. Good luck to you.
Tiger
I am no expert on this topic, I just began on the path to try to identify and recover from unhealthy relationships. I am trying to leave behind one(s) I am in now, and to start my life basically from scratch. However, I read something somewhere recently that I think relates to your question.
It was written specifically for people who have been in relationships with alcoholics, and about how our minds tend to work. It said when dealing with anyone who is difficult/rude/overbearing, pay attention to how you feel inside, and ignore everything that is going on outside of you. Apparantly, ACOA's have a tendency to do the opposite.
I cannot believe how much that one little sentence helped me, whether with my boyfriend (in recovery when I met him four years ago, and is now sort-of relapsed -- 3 brief periods, that I know of, in the last year), and with rude people at work.
It actually almost makes me feel like smiling/laughing when I do it, the relief is so huge and like an amazing gift. It is almost funny how rude/inappropriate they are, or maybe I am just a little giddy from the relief of something like that not getting under my skin, for once.
But it is much harder for me to do at home, when someone is there pretty much all of the time that I am home. I live with my parents and my children, and it will be a while before I can afford to move us out. My father is Dr.Jekyll/Mr. Hyde drinker. If I carefully pay attention to how I feel inside, instead of to him/what he is doing/what he is saying, it is harder to do than just with a casual encounter with a rude person.
But I'm working on it. Good luck to you.
Tiger
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Gosh Tallia this is a good thread!!!
Yes I have seen myself mirriored in the behaviors of others. OH GOD!!! Prayer helps me a lot. I keep a prayer journal and I have one section with this heading:
Child of MINE if I felt about you the way you feel about these people where would you be?
On that list I put names of people that I allow myself to be lead to furry,hatred, and frustration. In the begining of this heading I had a list of people waiting in line to be on my list. Praying for them and my own feelings about them has help me so much. I don't add as many names as I used to am I getting tollerant in my old age!!! I have learned more about myself through praying for these people than any other thing I have ever done!!! I highly reckomend to anyone looking to feel better and be more positive about their life do something related to this and see wher it takes them....
Yes I have seen myself mirriored in the behaviors of others. OH GOD!!! Prayer helps me a lot. I keep a prayer journal and I have one section with this heading:
Child of MINE if I felt about you the way you feel about these people where would you be?
On that list I put names of people that I allow myself to be lead to furry,hatred, and frustration. In the begining of this heading I had a list of people waiting in line to be on my list. Praying for them and my own feelings about them has help me so much. I don't add as many names as I used to am I getting tollerant in my old age!!! I have learned more about myself through praying for these people than any other thing I have ever done!!! I highly reckomend to anyone looking to feel better and be more positive about their life do something related to this and see wher it takes them....
Growing Up
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: right here
Posts: 614
Good thoughts, all. I've really enjoyed reading them.
Talia - I have read that also, most recently in an article in O magazine, but also several years ago in a book on the subject. Here's my 2 cents.
1 - You can get paranoid if you think about it too much. Since I'm prone to that kind of thing, overthinking, etc., I try to just do the Buddhist thing: look at a thought as though it is just something passing through. What I mean is if I see something in someone that gets under my skin, I may ask why. Is this a quality that I also have? For instance, am I chronically late so I'm bugged when other people are? It's possible. If it's a helpful thought, keep it. Play it out if it feels like it is helpful to you, or let it fly on by.
2. Everyone is doing their best. That's a mantra I work with, and it really helps me. When someone hurts my feelings or makes me angry, hey - isn't it true? He's only doing his best, just like me. The grand majority of human beings really are doing their very best, whatever that is.
This is a great discussion.
Talia - I have read that also, most recently in an article in O magazine, but also several years ago in a book on the subject. Here's my 2 cents.
1 - You can get paranoid if you think about it too much. Since I'm prone to that kind of thing, overthinking, etc., I try to just do the Buddhist thing: look at a thought as though it is just something passing through. What I mean is if I see something in someone that gets under my skin, I may ask why. Is this a quality that I also have? For instance, am I chronically late so I'm bugged when other people are? It's possible. If it's a helpful thought, keep it. Play it out if it feels like it is helpful to you, or let it fly on by.
2. Everyone is doing their best. That's a mantra I work with, and it really helps me. When someone hurts my feelings or makes me angry, hey - isn't it true? He's only doing his best, just like me. The grand majority of human beings really are doing their very best, whatever that is.
This is a great discussion.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Boston
Posts: 710
When I encounter what I determine to be rude people today, I try to stop, and see what the lesson is for me with this encounter. Usually its as simple as what I am finding that I dislike in this person, is often times the part of myself that I want to avoid looking at. Its the part of myself that, if I am honest with myself, needs the most work in regards to me and my attitude.
When the student is ready, the teacher appears. Teachers appear in many ways, in many forms, in many situations. If I am paying attention, and if I remain teachable, and look for the lesson, its usually right there in front of me, and all I have to do to find it, is keep the focus on myself, my reactions, and go within.
I believe it also works really well when I find something that I particularly like about someone, and if I look close, its the part of me that I like about myself that I become aware of in others.
Teachers are everywhere, all I have to do is remain teachable and ready to learn
For me, its not always easy, especially with those teachers who I am emotionally closest to. But I do know that those are some of the most important lessons that I have to learn.
And I love what mountaingirl shared. "The grand majority of human beings really are doing their very best, whatever that is."
Patsy
When the student is ready, the teacher appears. Teachers appear in many ways, in many forms, in many situations. If I am paying attention, and if I remain teachable, and look for the lesson, its usually right there in front of me, and all I have to do to find it, is keep the focus on myself, my reactions, and go within.
I believe it also works really well when I find something that I particularly like about someone, and if I look close, its the part of me that I like about myself that I become aware of in others.
Teachers are everywhere, all I have to do is remain teachable and ready to learn
For me, its not always easy, especially with those teachers who I am emotionally closest to. But I do know that those are some of the most important lessons that I have to learn.
And I love what mountaingirl shared. "The grand majority of human beings really are doing their very best, whatever that is."
Patsy
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Originally Posted by Patsyd1
When the student is ready, the teacher appears. Teachers appear in many ways, in many forms, in many situations. If I am paying attention, and if I remain teachable, and look for the lesson, its usually right there in front of me, and all I have to do to find it, is keep the focus on myself, my reactions, and go within.
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