I want to die!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2014
Location: London
Posts: 172
I want to die!!
Don't care no more alcohol ain't my problem Iam my problem, alcohol is my solution...
I could write a war story but it would take for ever Iam scum and when I drink Iam worse scum...
I could write a war story but it would take for ever Iam scum and when I drink Iam worse scum...
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,429
I'm sorry to see you so low Hercules.
There are numbers you can call:
CALM, the campaign against living miserably
Helpline – Nationwide
Call 0800 58 58 58
Our national helpline is open 7 days a week, 5pm to midnight. Callers can talk through any issue, we’ll listen and offer information and signposting. Calls are anonymous & confidential and won’t show up on your phone bill. Calls are free from landlines, payphones and O2, Orange, Virgin & Vodafone mobile networks. Other mobile networks and supermarket brand sims may charge.
Papyrus:
Call HOPELineUK 0800 068 41 41
or email: [email protected] *
or text: 07786 209697* *You do not have to give your name or whereabouts.
Samaritans 08457 90 90 90 * (UK)
***************************
You're not scum. That's the booze and your addiction talking.
You've proven you can be sober - now you have to learn how to stay that way.
You need to accept that drink, any drink, will lead you back to where you are now.
Once I really believed that, things got a lot easier, and better, for me
Keep adding to your recovery tools...
don't give up - If I can 'get' this you can too
take care
D
There are numbers you can call:
CALM, the campaign against living miserably
Helpline – Nationwide
Call 0800 58 58 58
Our national helpline is open 7 days a week, 5pm to midnight. Callers can talk through any issue, we’ll listen and offer information and signposting. Calls are anonymous & confidential and won’t show up on your phone bill. Calls are free from landlines, payphones and O2, Orange, Virgin & Vodafone mobile networks. Other mobile networks and supermarket brand sims may charge.
Papyrus:
Call HOPELineUK 0800 068 41 41
or email: [email protected] *
or text: 07786 209697* *You do not have to give your name or whereabouts.
Samaritans 08457 90 90 90 * (UK)
***************************
You're not scum. That's the booze and your addiction talking.
You've proven you can be sober - now you have to learn how to stay that way.
You need to accept that drink, any drink, will lead you back to where you are now.
Once I really believed that, things got a lot easier, and better, for me
Keep adding to your recovery tools...
don't give up - If I can 'get' this you can too
take care
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 770
I don't think your scum, I think addictions can make us do scummy things....
I can totally relate to alcohol being a solution. It really was, and when I acknowledge that without any shame it helps me to see things in a different light. I am not a bad person, but I have a very dark past and while that is a part of how I got to where I am today, it no longer defines me.
I can totally relate to alcohol being a solution. It really was, and when I acknowledge that without any shame it helps me to see things in a different light. I am not a bad person, but I have a very dark past and while that is a part of how I got to where I am today, it no longer defines me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 268
Come on Hercules, don't give in to those self defeating thoughts, they will only make it worse. You are a valuable person, you deserve to live a good life. People fall down but they can get up. You are not scum. Brush the dirt off your shoulders and try again. I know you can make it through!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Hercules: Do call the various help lines and keep posting here. When you say that you are the problem and alcohol is the solution, could it be that it's really the other way around. Alcohol is the problem and it's got a hold of your body and a lot of your brain (such as the AV). There is a "solution" but it means reversing the various changes which have taken place in your body and brain as a result of alcohol. Not very easy to do but still doable wth determination, patience, guts, and help from professionals and other recovering alcoholics. Others have done this. You can too. Start today. Good luck.
W.
W.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
I suspect that if you were a scummy person, you wouldn't be hating yourself for scummy acts - you'd be congratulating yourself for them.
The beauty of recovery is that we can make the decision to change. Just over a year ago I was going to bed every night just hoping that I would never wake up (and that was at 6 months sober). Since then, with the help of a sponsor, and with daily work on my recovery, things have changed so much. It's still progress, not perfection, obviously. But I am happier than I ever was (even in my pre-drinking childhood). I have realised that I'm not a bad person, trying to be good. There was always a good person under there, but like a magnet rolling over the junk-yard of alcoholic existence, I'd picked up so much junk that I'd completely obscured that goodness. Recovery for me has been like picking off that junk - slowly and surely. Recognising my own patterns of destructive behaviour, and which of my own character defects was driving my thoughts and actions. Recognising and taking responsibility for the harm I'd done others, and going through the process of making amends.
There's healing to be had for you, if you want it.
Please don't give up on yourself.
The beauty of recovery is that we can make the decision to change. Just over a year ago I was going to bed every night just hoping that I would never wake up (and that was at 6 months sober). Since then, with the help of a sponsor, and with daily work on my recovery, things have changed so much. It's still progress, not perfection, obviously. But I am happier than I ever was (even in my pre-drinking childhood). I have realised that I'm not a bad person, trying to be good. There was always a good person under there, but like a magnet rolling over the junk-yard of alcoholic existence, I'd picked up so much junk that I'd completely obscured that goodness. Recovery for me has been like picking off that junk - slowly and surely. Recognising my own patterns of destructive behaviour, and which of my own character defects was driving my thoughts and actions. Recognising and taking responsibility for the harm I'd done others, and going through the process of making amends.
There's healing to be had for you, if you want it.
Please don't give up on yourself.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
not scum
I think I can safely say that none of us here think you are scum! Please call one of the numbers given and talk to someone...it's safe and will help. You can do it.
If YOU think YOU are scum, you can change your thinking....and start replacing it with positive thoughts about where you want to be and goals of where you want to go from here....and try to eliminate negative thoughts about yourself from your mental vocabulary....takes practice, but if you start thinking different.... I believe actions follow thoughts....(something to think about).
Speaking for myself, feeling bad about myself did not lead me to happiness or peace or joy; definitely not bliss either. It was when I FELT bad that I was more tempted to seek out substances that gave a temporary 'feel good'. I started to replace bad thoughts with good thoughts and that led to better choices....I had to find that somehow I COULD change for the better...when I believed I could change for the better I was more likely to actually change for the better....it's almost like a good snowball effect...
If YOU think YOU are scum, you can change your thinking....and start replacing it with positive thoughts about where you want to be and goals of where you want to go from here....and try to eliminate negative thoughts about yourself from your mental vocabulary....takes practice, but if you start thinking different.... I believe actions follow thoughts....(something to think about).
Speaking for myself, feeling bad about myself did not lead me to happiness or peace or joy; definitely not bliss either. It was when I FELT bad that I was more tempted to seek out substances that gave a temporary 'feel good'. I started to replace bad thoughts with good thoughts and that led to better choices....I had to find that somehow I COULD change for the better...when I believed I could change for the better I was more likely to actually change for the better....it's almost like a good snowball effect...
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