ash1234

the truth is alcohol is my companion. lol its crazy but I actually feel like I'm in the middle of a divorce. I'm upset. I'm going to miss it. lol when I cook I drank, when I watch tv I drank, when I go out I drank lol. and on top of all that I have the physical effects. I'm lonely and I feel like its punishing me by giving me this sickness feeling. I'm actually love sick lol. its crazy. and its my secret. I cant tell anybody . I cant bare the judgement . I'm all alone and I don't know how people do it. is there any single parents out there isolated? cant leave the house in the evenings. cant leave the house alone in the day. I'm feeling really sad. is this the withdrawal tempting me back in??

ZeldaFan

I felt that way too in the beginning. Drinking was my best and only friend by the time I quit. It's very normal to feel this way in early recovery. So much so that an author named Caroline Knapp wrote a book called Drinking: A Love Story about it.

And you're not alone now that you are here on SR. We're here day and night if you need to vent!

Anna

Here is lots of information on coming up with a plan to help you recover:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

Dee74

I think a lot of can identify with how you feel, Booze had been a major part of my life for a long time.

But it was no friend - it was destroying me - and you must realise the same for you or you wouldn't be here

There is life after booze - and it's better than you could imagine right now - but it takes that leap of faith to let go and leave the past behind.

We'll all be with you Ash - there's a ton of support here

D

ash1234

thank u x

TheRake

I suppose it is like a break-up Ash. But it's a break-up from an abusive, destructive and ultimately loveless relationship. A relationship fraught with fear, anxiety, depression and uncertainty. It's been take, take, take...

And the only solution is full blown no-contact.

In fact, your post is making me think...if it's such a destructive relationship why have I got pulled back in before again and again? Well it should have been clear.....I was in a relationship with a BPD woman (borderline personal disorder). They send you up, they send you down, they confuse you, they addict you.....

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Border...ality_disorder

I'm sure if you give it time.....you'll get used to doing all of those things that you listed without your old companion.

ZeldaFan

TheRake is right. It really is like a destructive and abusive relationship. I know someone very well who keeps getting back with the same person over and over no matter what they do. She doesn't even really like him but keeps going back because she doesn't know anything else. We become this way with alcohol. The solution is absolutely no contact. Just like with abusive relationships, as time passes so will the pain.

CurlyGirl1978

I felt that exact same way Ash, so much so that when hubby would leave for long hours, he'd supply me with a bottle to keep me company. He knew from what I expressed to him that I could handle loneliness as long as I had my bottle for company. It was a sick relationship with that bottle I tell you. We alcoholics tend to isolate ourselves, so let me tell you this.....building new friendships with people I may have pushed away in my efforts to be alone with the bottle or even making brand new friendships has helped tremendously. It would probably help you as well! Of course we will always be your friends, connected in an effort to win the battle over alcohol and regain our lives back!

FeelingGreat

Ash, control your thoughts, keep your eye on the prize and remember why you quit in the first place. Write it down so you don't forget.

If you can get through the first tough time, you'll find that you're not missing your friend as much as you thought, in fact you wouldn't let them back, ever.

Mags1

Hi Ash, I agree with everyone, it is like being in a destructive relationship when I drank.

It was difficult to start with when I first stopped drinking, but there is life after alcohol.

I'm pleased you found us, SR helped me enormously and is a great place for support.

Soberwolf

You have us Ash its going to be ok these feelings won't last forever it will get easier

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ful-links.html

ash1234

Thank u for all of your kind words! I'm having a better day today. I'm trying to take your advice on board. Your stories have touched my heart. I live in London and there is so much attention on alcohol! It's in all the corner shops and supermarkets. It's tricky going in for a pint of milk!

ZeldaFan

Glad to hear you are feeling better today, ash1234! It's bad here in the US as well (depending on which state and county you are in of course since some areas are dry and you can't buy alcohol). I can't go to the market without passing at least three displays with vodka, wine or beer. Plus all the ads on television and every social event usually having alcohol as part of it. You eventually get used to it but it's super annoying in early recovery.

IronPhoenix

Alcohol is not your friend Ash. It is the wolf in sheeps clothing. You are better than 'it'. (no offense soberwolf!!!)

LadyLuck333

A friend with whom I used to "party" with has been sober for two years now while I continued with the fight of relapse, but he told me that it was like loosing a best friend , as if he was in mourning for this friend that died (the alcohol; as we all know us no friend at all) . But yeah theres a messed up thought of an emptiness there ... Its almost strange to comprehend but its part of it....
💗❤💚💜💙💛

MelindaFlowers

I can relate to everything you write. But can I tell you something? I was in the same boat. I was dependent on alcohol. Psychologically and emotionally dependent. In the beginning I cried easily and often and it was so overwhelming to think of never drinking again that I literally could not think past the current day. If I did, I found it completely overwhelming that I would never be able to drink again.

But I can say this with every cell in my body. After about 17 months of no alcohol, I do not miss it at all. I repeat. I really do not miss it at all.

It takes about a year or at least it took about a year for me to just finally be totally and completely over it. You will get there too.

17 months ago I was cynical of people who said this but it's true.