ZeldaFan

Hey all,

I know I haven't been around much and I just wanted to give an update on what's been up with me. I've been traveling A LOT for work lately and by last week it just caught up with me. I came down with a nasty cold and then, out of nowhere, depression set in.

I'm not sure if I'm depressed about my job (lot of things changing and it's not very satisfying anymore), being single for over six years, wanting to drink and always fighting my AV, the holidays coming up with long weekends associated with them or all of them combined but it hit me hard.

I decided to take a week off of work and regroup. Feeling a little better finally but it was a rough patch. Just me and the cat on the couch reading and watching Netflix. Basically, like when I was drunk. Completely withdrawn from everyone with no desire to see anyone either but without the dry heaving and hangover.

If these feeling keep up along with the anxiety I still battle I will probably talk to my doctor again. For now, I'm just enjoying a day not feeling super depressed and unmotivated. I'm sure many of you have been here but I wanted to share.

Anna

Hi Zelda,

I think it sounds like you needed a break from every day life, so spending a few days alone was probably a good thing. And, this time of the year is difficult for many people. Winter is setting in and the holidays are coming so it can be tough getting through this. I think it's great that you were able to take time to regroup and move on.

OpenTuning

I'm sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time right now. I'm glad you're proving you can get through this sober, and I feel pretty confident alcohol would have just made a bad situation even worse. You're taking care of yourself, a week with a cat and Netflix actually sounds pretty appealing to me right now, and hopefully things are looking up again. I do find that when I'm physically run down, from exhaustion or illness, darkness does have a habit of creeping in, so hopefully now you're starting to feel better physically the world will start to feel a bit sunnier again. Wishing you the very best.

loulou1981

Hi, sorry ur feeling like this. Deffinately speak to ur Dr, fingers crossed he'll prescribe u something to lift ur mood. It hasn't helped that ur run down as that will make u feel pretty c**p!

ScottFromWI

Hey ZeldaFan, thanks for the update. It's definitely a time of the year when depression/anxiety can kick into high gear, the holidays are pretty stressful for some. I'm going through a very stressful time at work too and sometimes you do just need a day or to to decompress. Seeing your doc would be a good thing, I have a couple of appts planned with my counselor this month to talk about all of these things...it can really help.

FreeOwl

hey there....

thanks for sharing. I think it's important to share and get it out there.

I experience a 'build up' of emotions in cycles - and get the onset of depression / anxiety. For me, I'm trying to work on more everyday awareness of what's going on for me. I think I go zero or a thousand with emotions like I did with drugs and alcohol.... so time will go by and everything is 'fine'. Then, all of a sudden I'll have a near-breakdown and as I look back I can see that things have been kind of building up.

Maybe we can lessen the impact of cycles like this through learning to grow more aware of ourselves, our emotional state, our needs on a day-to-day basis.

In any case, I wish you comfort and presence as you work through what's going on for you. It's OK to feel down, depressed, glum or the need to be alone for a bit.

ZeldaFan

Wow, thanks for all the great replies so quickly everyone. You are such a great group and I'm glad to be a part of it!

Soberwolf

I think you have great self awareness good on you taking a breather

soberclover

ZeldaFan it was so good to see an update from you! I think the feelings that you are going through are one of the necessary stages in our recovery. Whether we intentionally take the time to slow down or an illness/injury forces us to slow down. I have the next few days off from work and I'm really looking forward to relaxing and recharging. Sobriety can be hard work and emotionally and physically exhausting. Rock on for taking care of yourself!

ZeldaFan

Thanks soberclover. I think you are right. I was pushing myself way too hard and being on the road surrounded by drinking was very difficult. I think I finally just shut down and had to reboot.

entropy1964

I know exactly how you're feeling and it sounds like you're pretty in touch with what's happening. You're not drinking, you took a week off. Bravo.

I'm doing the same thing. Alone for the holiday, netflix and yoga. I'm binge watching Grey's Anatomy and I'm loving it. But I told myself after the holidays and my trip to Hawaii, I'm going to make changes. What they are I don't know. But I can't stay in this limbo for much longer. For me I also have to slap myself and remember how fricken lucky I am. I'm healthy, I have a beautiful daughter, a home, no big worries. My life is lonely but that's something I can change if I choose to. So, I'll try to be grateful this thanksgiving.