Meraviglioso

I find this is a common idea for many starting out, myself included. But the fact that it is a holiday or birthday or vacation or any other special occasion is even more reason to stay sober. I have wasted away so many special events being, well… wasted. I look forward to really being present and enjoying the upcoming holiday season as well as my vacation at the end of this year. I know I missed out on so many memories that could have been, should have been cherished because I was drunk. Not this year, I will enjoy them, share in them and remember them for years to come. I hope you will too.

IronPhoenix

Bravo Meraviglioso! I have been there and am starting my sober journey as well. I also can't wait to be more present, in the moment as you said for these events. Especially for/with my daughter!

snowvelvet

I've been there too. Fortunately, I now have the experience to know how it will end. Even if I did get through that first day, I think it would be a minimum of, ooh, about 2 days before I was back to 24/7 vodka and my sober serenity would be over.

Youcangetthere

Hi, having read your post, I feel like I need to start that journey too. Every day for the past 11 years I start out with good intentions. I need advice please on how to say no that first drink..I joined on Friday and cannot stop thinking about booze. I hate it. I can't focus on anything else, its driving me crazy. Advice would be good today.

JD

Whether it's a special occasion or just "it's only one day" it's never turned out well. Yeah, for a little period of time it'll work but you'll sneak right back to where you were or worse. Seems like many have to try this experiment though before they get it.

So anyone contemplating it, DON"T DO IT!

Misssy2

You said it yourself...the idea of NOT drinking on special occasions is KEY to a happier life....better memories...and full enjoyment.

Nonsensical

I had this habit also - thinking I could get drunk 2 or 3 times a year and it would be OK. It seems like that might be reasonable...

Problem is that after decades of persistent use and then getting clean alcohol has a much different effect on me than it used to. Last time I drank I blacked out after 5 beers. Came to in my hotel with a 7 hour black hole and a pocket full of receipts with time stamps indicating I had wandered around for at least 3 hours buying more drinks and some food. There is ZERO fun in that experience. Next time I need a thrill I'll juggle some chainsaws. It's safer and I'll remember doing it.

ScottFromWI

Yes, that was one of many lies my addiction tried to get me to believe. Glad you saw it for what it truly is and hope you enjoy the holidays!

zombob

Thanks Mera. Although the helpme memories are still fresh, I know from past experience that when I least expect the Idea will come that a day or two of the "glow" is do-able. Nevermind any of the following days, months years, the focus of my AV is pinpoint...I really don't have any days to exchange for a blip in time of something I won't remember anyway. Funny, but no other "thing" that I do (or have done) causes my brain to go "there" like alcohol. I suppose I qualify. Willful forgetfulness is my dilemma and I can't get enough reminders--thanks again.

sva777

Special occasions are a grey area for sure. Could start out as thanksgiving or a birthday and then turn into any time we rationalize it. Got a new promotion, found a dollar on the street, got paid...ect.

Juno11

This is interesting. My mind worked in the exact opposite way: I stay sober for holidays and weekends because I don't want to "waste" them. When I feel the need to relapse, I pick a random Sunday night or Monday night, because Monday am and Tuesday am are kind of "throwaway days" in my mind. (my hangovers are horrible). In reality, they are not throwaway days. No day is a throwaway day and that's what I'm working on Good post!

FreeOwl

I've entertained this fantasty a lot in the nearly two years of my sobriety. Much more in the first year. Less and less in the second year....

Thankfully, it seems sillier every time it crops up in my mind now.

"Special Occasions" can be found in many places, once we open that door.

And even if we COULD 'only have a drink once in a while on special occasions' - why? What the hell for? Why would ONE drink on a special occasion be any more special than ONE fancy water, one sparkling cider, one handmade soda, one imported mango juice???

I have begun to see the hilarity in this fantasy, and that has helped me laugh it off and go back to the fundamental choice I've made: I would prefer to live my life fully, deeply and with presence. Alcohol isn't "special" - it is a barrier to that choice.

loulou1981

Ive felt very anxious about Christmas, mainly because its ALWAYS been a boozy affair (come from a family of drinkers) the only sober xmas i had was when i was pregnant or working.
But i keep telling myself, this year im going to properly enjoy it. Im planning on decorating our downstairs with all sorts of tasteful festive bits & im going to make an amazing dinner for my fiance & our 2 boys.
We're also planning on a beach stroll at some point, in previous years ive not wanted to go as i wanted to drink instead (never drove drunk).
I cant wait!!!! My 1st clear, fresh xmas...no self pity, no embarrassment, just quality memories created & remembered!!

SoberLife90

Why would I want to ruin a special occassion by getting hammered and ruining the fun for everyone else? There is no occasional drinking for an alcoholic like myself. That special occassion would be the beginning of god knows what. Glad I am sober today and no longer a slave to alcohol.

Soberwolf

Happy for you Mera

Venecia

Good work, Mera!

For those without addictions, a drink or two on special occasions takes place because it's special occasion.

People like us? Those days are indistinguishable from the rest if we choose to drink.

Friend Of Bill

If we plan on stopping there must be no reservation whatsoever that we can drink normally that's the illusion and the delusion that I suffer from a progressive illness it gets worse over any period of . Time never better that the that's my insane thinking paralleled with my sound mind the ransom trivial excuse for taking that first drink in the insane idea always one out the first drink isn't the problem it's the mental state preceding the first drink we relapse days weeks or months before we pick up we start to act and behave the way we used to I can always stop I couldn't stay stopped just being sober or not drunk I still treated everybody like crap I had to change the way I thought and through the 12 steps I helped recreate my life I identified my character defects by facing and getting rid of what was blocking me from the sunlight of the Spirit through steps 4 through 7 by doing that we recover we are in recovery not just sober that's where the happiness and peace come when we discover one day at a time I lived in two worlds I was a slave to my past filled with regrets and resentment when the past didn't own me I was in the future filled with anxiety and anticipation I was never here I was never now the steps helped me discover one day at a time help me find higher power that I can trust and rely on then and only then does sanity returned and the problem is removed but if I have some idea that someday somehow I can drink normally that has to be smashed if I think that way I may be an alcoholic which only a spiritual experience can conquer

bigsombrero

Great post Mera! I must admit, even with 3 years sober I've thought "maybe I'll just have a glass of champagne on New Years' someday down the line". And you are right, it's a bad thought.

Are normal people thinking about New Year's and alcohol right now? Nope. But I am, because I'm an alcoholic. In my case, I don't crave any alcohol...what I probably crave is to be seen as a "normal person" who just doesn't drink. This constant worry about how we appear in the eyes of others is a very common trait amongst us alcoholics.

I'm off to enjoy my Thanksgiving vacation tomorrow, and will do the same at x-mas. Drinking, arguing, falling down, and passing out is NOT in my holiday plans! Hope the same goes for everyone else!

juppe

Sure I've thought about it. And I know that I could have only one drink and stop. But then I've given myself permission to have one drink and knew I could stop. So next occasion I'll have 2 drinks because I know I can stop. Then next time I know I can handle 2 drinks so why not 3? Well 3 drinks and nothing bad happened! Next time maybe I should have 4 drinks...then suddenly I don't need special occasions to have a drink. What's the cutoff? How many drinks is enough?

And so on and so on the cycle never stops. The only way to stop the cycle is by never taking that first drink!

RedAndy

All going through my head at present !! I had plenty planned for this month and next, in fact every weekend until the New Year was filled with engagements for trips to Amsterdam (last weekend - cancelled) this weekend business trip away (loosest sense of the term business at least on my part - an excuse to get hammered - pretty much entertaining long standing customers / friends - luckily they are tho after some of the performances I've put in over the years and that would be 24/7 Fri AM to Sun PM - cancelled) - Stereophonics concert the week after - that's still do able with the wife - Xmas party cancelled - Lads weekend last one before Xmas - not cancelled yet as questions will arise which I don't need right now but will be avoided and then the festive season, quiet at home with the family, plenty of good food cooked by yours truly apart from one big football (soccer) match (corporate) I will be going to, surprise to everyone when I tell them I'm driving - something I never do. Then NY party at friends - that's going to be the first time I've put myself out there by the looks of it - thing is I tend to pretty much spoil every occasion we attend as a family by going too far / not knowing what I'm doing, for which my daughter is now also becoming embarrassed as well as my wife who is time served at it - thing is that's me being good - out with the lads is just off the wall none stop.

The vacation part is also a massive headache and something I shouldn't be even thinking about at present as I know its months away (August 2016) and its all about 1 day at a time, however we already have our plans made / flights booked and paid for with friends for next year, at the same hotel coincidentally in Dubai where everything came to a head for me 12 days ago (assuming I'm not blacklisted on arrival and they actually let me in !!) . This is the same place we have visited for the past 2 years with a group of family friends and likewise for next - the place is AI and in reality I spend pretty much every hour drinking from 11 am, first at the bar until passing out after evening meal usually latest 11pm maybe a little later if allowed to get second wind after eating - can't say I'm alone out of the group but usually me that pushes it too far. Great holiday for my wife and daughter, of course they have fun but by the evening it's keeping their eye on what I'm doing but guess what - I'm happy as I'm drinking 12 hrs a day every day for 2 weeks pretty much without question, anything is said, its the standard reply "leave it out I'm on my holidays". The wife is standing by me and helping me work through this but no way I can expect them to sacrifice their holiday that even with me being half cut most of the time they do thoroughly enjoy with friends - the thought of being there with so much on offer is messing with my head already, determined to do this and don't want to go for so long then make an absolute mess of everything again as there won't be any more chances after this one. Guess I'm over thinking and that's way too far ahead - correct ?