Alcoholic Neigbhours
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 26
Alcoholic Neigbhours
Hi folks, just needing a vent.
I use SR loads mainly just reading posts to take advice and comfort that I'm not alone but I have spoke about my AM very little at the beginning of the year. Little update my AM was admitted to hospital in March this year with bleeding, since being detoxed in hospital she come out admitting she had a problem and had to change, she has been sober 8 months now and attends classes 4 times a week at her recovery hub, she has come along way but we still take each day at a time. I'm very proud of her and support her when she needs it. I myself have changed loads, attended some meetings myself and realised that this was her responsibility not mines and no was was to blame for her being this way but herself, life was manageable again.
My problem now is my neighbour who over the last two years have drank really heavily and getting worse by the day. We used our neighbours company to do home improvements at our house and have had a mare of a time with them, if I could turn back the clock I would never have used them. The problem is the neighbours have taken the hump as we dared to complain about some works done, it's like they feel they done us a favour by using his company, when we have paid our way and it's our property if we aren't happy with something we will say regardless of what company done the work!! The actual neighbour never done any work in the house but as we have dared to "bad mouth" his company he's making up all sorts of rubbish saying we have said things to his work colleagues that we haven't and that we have also been telling other neighbours all sorts when we haven't! I'm done with all this crap from alcoholics why do they feel the need to talk rubbish!!! I understand it's part of the disease but really, give it a break! My partners is a very strong man and has been so calm with it all but i feel like I'm going to explode which I know will only feed them more and add to their world of alcoholic drama! I also feel like I attract alcoholics into my life, I just can't seem to get rid of them! I was doing so well recovering myself with regards to AM, but now feel that anxiety coming back as I'm not sure what I'll be going home to with the drunk neighbours!!
Needed to get this out, sorry for the moan! X
I use SR loads mainly just reading posts to take advice and comfort that I'm not alone but I have spoke about my AM very little at the beginning of the year. Little update my AM was admitted to hospital in March this year with bleeding, since being detoxed in hospital she come out admitting she had a problem and had to change, she has been sober 8 months now and attends classes 4 times a week at her recovery hub, she has come along way but we still take each day at a time. I'm very proud of her and support her when she needs it. I myself have changed loads, attended some meetings myself and realised that this was her responsibility not mines and no was was to blame for her being this way but herself, life was manageable again.
My problem now is my neighbour who over the last two years have drank really heavily and getting worse by the day. We used our neighbours company to do home improvements at our house and have had a mare of a time with them, if I could turn back the clock I would never have used them. The problem is the neighbours have taken the hump as we dared to complain about some works done, it's like they feel they done us a favour by using his company, when we have paid our way and it's our property if we aren't happy with something we will say regardless of what company done the work!! The actual neighbour never done any work in the house but as we have dared to "bad mouth" his company he's making up all sorts of rubbish saying we have said things to his work colleagues that we haven't and that we have also been telling other neighbours all sorts when we haven't! I'm done with all this crap from alcoholics why do they feel the need to talk rubbish!!! I understand it's part of the disease but really, give it a break! My partners is a very strong man and has been so calm with it all but i feel like I'm going to explode which I know will only feed them more and add to their world of alcoholic drama! I also feel like I attract alcoholics into my life, I just can't seem to get rid of them! I was doing so well recovering myself with regards to AM, but now feel that anxiety coming back as I'm not sure what I'll be going home to with the drunk neighbours!!
Needed to get this out, sorry for the moan! X
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Detach, detach.
I like the little meme in your avatar. "REALLY?" is a great response to anything. You can quietly let anyone to whom he has badmouthed you that you had a work-related dispute and apparently this guy can't get over it. That's it, don't go into details--you can just say you weren't happy with the work and they aren't happy with you. And then let it go.
This will die down unless you feed into it by defending yourself and badmouthing him in return.
Hugs, so glad to hear your mum is doing so well!!
I like the little meme in your avatar. "REALLY?" is a great response to anything. You can quietly let anyone to whom he has badmouthed you that you had a work-related dispute and apparently this guy can't get over it. That's it, don't go into details--you can just say you weren't happy with the work and they aren't happy with you. And then let it go.
This will die down unless you feed into it by defending yourself and badmouthing him in return.
Hugs, so glad to hear your mum is doing so well!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 26
Thank you for your response LexieCat, I know detach is what I need to do but proving difficult as I'm livid with them, been friends for over 12 years and they can't come to us and talk about it like adults but feel they are the victims in this! Also the wife is a gobby mare and one of those folk who if you upset once your tainted, to be honest I think she's a narcissist and i do not what that in my life, feels like I've been sucked in with them but can now see the real them and what they really are.
Very proud of mum and what's she's achieved so far, I really hope she continues on this sober recovery 😊
Hugs X
Very proud of mum and what's she's achieved so far, I really hope she continues on this sober recovery 😊
Hugs X
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
" I also feel like I attract alcoholics into my life, I just can't seem to get rid of them! ..."
Dear FeeBell
In my case, I look at this as a positive thing. I have recovered enough to be able to spot them. Looking back, every close friend I had in adulthood was an alcoholic. At the time, I didn't recognize them as such. This put me through a lot of pain, and I didn't understand why.
The fact that we attract them is nothing personal, but only points to the prevalence of this disease. They also don't realize that we have changed. They expect us to keep doing the same crazy things we used to.
I got a chuckle out of the colloquialisms you use. I plan to borrow those, if it's okay with you.
Keep coming back!!!
Dear FeeBell
In my case, I look at this as a positive thing. I have recovered enough to be able to spot them. Looking back, every close friend I had in adulthood was an alcoholic. At the time, I didn't recognize them as such. This put me through a lot of pain, and I didn't understand why.
The fact that we attract them is nothing personal, but only points to the prevalence of this disease. They also don't realize that we have changed. They expect us to keep doing the same crazy things we used to.
I got a chuckle out of the colloquialisms you use. I plan to borrow those, if it's okay with you.
Keep coming back!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by feebell 
been friends for over 12 years and they can't come to us and talk about it like adults
Also the wife is a gobby mare and one of those folk who if you upset once your tainted, to be honest I think she's a narcissist and i do not what that in my life
Also the wife is a gobby mare and one of those folk who if you upset once your tainted, to be honest I think she's a narcissist and i do not what that in my life
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 26
Thank you so much for all replies, use are all right I need to detach and get of this crazy train before it goes full steam ahead! We owe them NOTHING and it's their problem if they can't take criticism not mines, it was business at the end of the day not personal, if they want to act bat crap crazy that's their choice! I can only control myself and not others. I will be polite and professional but will steer clear of any type of friendship, I don't want any active alcoholic in my life nor any person that makes me feel rubbish, I've come to far.
Hugs to all x
Hugs to all x
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
It's not that you cannot get rid of them, it's that they are EVERYWHERE, and you likely just did not realize it so much before. Or at least that's the case for me.
Keep your calm, and I second....detatch......
Good work to you and yours on all of the progress!
Keep your calm, and I second....detatch......
Good work to you and yours on all of the progress!
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