Waste of time
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Waste of time
So I arrived at court and met with my solicitor and barrister only to be told that stbxah and his solicitors had rang to cancel at the last minute!! I was so angry, I'd taken a half day of work which I couldn't really afford the time off due to the amount of work I have but not only that I had myself so worked up and anxious.
His solicitor sent through his financial discovery TODAY and instead of it being 2 years before he left until Aug this year I got from last Nov to August!! 10 months I mean seriously either he's playing games or his solicitor is useless!!
Next step is he will he receive a summons from the court and a fine as he hasn't replied to my cross petition within the timescale and hopefully a hearing will be set for Jan/Feb time then if no further information has been received the judge will direct him to provide the information!
I refuse to let this rest and I will continue to keep in control of my divorce!!
His solicitor sent through his financial discovery TODAY and instead of it being 2 years before he left until Aug this year I got from last Nov to August!! 10 months I mean seriously either he's playing games or his solicitor is useless!!
Next step is he will he receive a summons from the court and a fine as he hasn't replied to my cross petition within the timescale and hopefully a hearing will be set for Jan/Feb time then if no further information has been received the judge will direct him to provide the information!
I refuse to let this rest and I will continue to keep in control of my divorce!!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
You aren't really shocked, are you? This is typical foot-dragging and game-playing on his part. Unfortunately, courts usually have to see this as a pattern before they will lower the boom--after all, sometimes there is a good reason for delays and they can't come down hard on everyone the first time it happens.
Stay strong, he can drag it out for a bit but he can't stall forever. Hopefully he will be responsible for your attorneys' fees.
Hugs,
Stay strong, he can drag it out for a bit but he can't stall forever. Hopefully he will be responsible for your attorneys' fees.
Hugs,
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
No I suppose I'm not really shocked. I think I thought he started this, he said he would do what he could to speed it all up, this was months ago and why am I still believing anything he says. Am I still hoping that he will do this to ease things for me, probably. Really gotta work on my expectations this guy never did anything for me everything was and still is to suit him!!!! Grrrrrrr. Ok deep breaths.
On the positive I didn't contact him after to see why he's messing about or ask him to play ball. I left it how he responds or doesn't is up to him!
Lexie because he hasn't responded to my cross petition he will be fined.. You have so many days think it's 34 or something to respond and if not the court fines you! Once we are before a judge and he is directed to produce something or attend and he doesn't he can be held in contempt and inprisoned!! If he doesn't appear after directed to a warrant will be issued for his arrest which could happen while he's at work!! I think he will be given once chance then after that no more!
He will however receive a fine and I know this may sound mean but serves him right for dragging his feet!!
On the positive I didn't contact him after to see why he's messing about or ask him to play ball. I left it how he responds or doesn't is up to him!
Lexie because he hasn't responded to my cross petition he will be fined.. You have so many days think it's 34 or something to respond and if not the court fines you! Once we are before a judge and he is directed to produce something or attend and he doesn't he can be held in contempt and inprisoned!! If he doesn't appear after directed to a warrant will be issued for his arrest which could happen while he's at work!! I think he will be given once chance then after that no more!
He will however receive a fine and I know this may sound mean but serves him right for dragging his feet!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 715
Oh butterfly... If he is inprisioned because of his nonsense you MUST let us know.... I will be laughing from this side of the pond!
Hang in there.... Frustrating I'm sure but you'll be fine.....
My divorce with my exh was easy breezy, they should all be like that!
Hang in there.... Frustrating I'm sure but you'll be fine.....
My divorce with my exh was easy breezy, they should all be like that!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I dunno, you paid for your legal team to be there, and if he'd let you know in advance you wouldn't have had that expense. I'm not saying necessarily ALL your legal fees, but the ones you incurred that would not have been incurred but for his dropping the ball. Ask your lawyers.
You sound great, though--very strong. Them ruby slippers is POWERFUL.
You sound great, though--very strong. Them ruby slippers is POWERFUL.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Butterfly I have been involved in a legal proceeding for 14 months. We are suing someone. We are so right in this situation....I'm sure many people think that but trust me, they are in deep sh!t.
In 14 months nothing has been ontime. Calls aren't returned, letters aren't answered, they stall everything. Last week their attorney raised an issue that was addressed in month 1 as if it had never been addressed. Even though I have a background in law and worked in the field for 8 years it never ceases to amaze me how much people get away with. Its very frustrating. I sometimes feel like the bad guy catches all the breaks.
So just keep in mind "this too shall pass". It will eventually, but in my experience the Courts give a broad pass to a lot of stuff. Until they don't.
In 14 months nothing has been ontime. Calls aren't returned, letters aren't answered, they stall everything. Last week their attorney raised an issue that was addressed in month 1 as if it had never been addressed. Even though I have a background in law and worked in the field for 8 years it never ceases to amaze me how much people get away with. Its very frustrating. I sometimes feel like the bad guy catches all the breaks.
So just keep in mind "this too shall pass". It will eventually, but in my experience the Courts give a broad pass to a lot of stuff. Until they don't.
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Thanks everyone. Lilro don't worry I will let you know lol.
Lexie my solicitors are applying for costs, not sure which costs but definitely costs for the new application of him not responding to my cross petition. So hopefully I will get my £200 back that I paid yesterday, unfortunately I have to pay it first!!
I am feeling pretty good Lexie taking it one day at a time but overall I'm good. Trying to focus on what's good and how lucky I am to have 2 wonderful kids and a few really great friends. I am blessed to have these people in my life. I came home last night and DD bought me a bunch of flowers and was making dinner then she and DS spent the evening with me. It was lovely.
Im Trying to be honest with them about what's going on without giving too much detail and not bad mouthing him. Or letting my frustrations show. I don't know what he has told them and I don't ask. I don't know if I should even be saying but I have to get my house valued and someone will be here to do that. I didn't want them worrying.
Red, I'm involved in a lot of family work with the courts here and I've seen parents held in contempt, fined for not following directions but it depends on the judge as to whether they are laid back or won't take any nonsense. I hope I get one who won't take any nonsense. But yeah I feel that way too about them catching the breaks I just have to hope that in the end it pays off for us good guys.
He is deliberately delaying and hiding information
Lexie my solicitors are applying for costs, not sure which costs but definitely costs for the new application of him not responding to my cross petition. So hopefully I will get my £200 back that I paid yesterday, unfortunately I have to pay it first!!
I am feeling pretty good Lexie taking it one day at a time but overall I'm good. Trying to focus on what's good and how lucky I am to have 2 wonderful kids and a few really great friends. I am blessed to have these people in my life. I came home last night and DD bought me a bunch of flowers and was making dinner then she and DS spent the evening with me. It was lovely.
Im Trying to be honest with them about what's going on without giving too much detail and not bad mouthing him. Or letting my frustrations show. I don't know what he has told them and I don't ask. I don't know if I should even be saying but I have to get my house valued and someone will be here to do that. I didn't want them worrying.
Red, I'm involved in a lot of family work with the courts here and I've seen parents held in contempt, fined for not following directions but it depends on the judge as to whether they are laid back or won't take any nonsense. I hope I get one who won't take any nonsense. But yeah I feel that way too about them catching the breaks I just have to hope that in the end it pays off for us good guys.
He is deliberately delaying and hiding information
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
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Well at least it seems to have kicked his solicitors into gear, or am I wrong? I like the system where they fine people for dragging their feet. Just make sure it comes out of his share.
Weren't the kids great? Sometimes they can be surprising.
Weren't the kids great? Sometimes they can be surprising.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by Butterfly 
Once we are before a judge and he is directed to produce something or attend and he doesn't he can be held in contempt and inprisoned!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Originally Posted by redatlanta
In 14 months nothing has been ontime. Calls aren't returned, letters aren't answered, they stall everything. Last week their attorney raised an issue that was addressed in month 1 as if it had never been addressed.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Originally Posted by Refiner
Red, just curious... when they do this, can you keep track of the extra hours your legal team has to work because of it and when they lose the suit, they have to pay for those extra hours?
Its not the same situation as Butterfly, haven't had an experience where a meeting was scheduled and they canceled at the last minute. My attorney's don't play along too much, when information is repeated and such its nipped in the bud with a very short email or a quick phone call of "you already have that". Sure, their "forgetfulness" (said while laughing) is costing something monetarily. We will go for all legal fees. The way I see it they are just adding to their own bill. If we lose, or aren't granted fees - its just the cost of doing business.
This failure to cooperate and stretch things out is a legal maneuver to frustrate and/or choke the opponent financially till they give up out of frustration, or settle for pennies, or dismiss because they are out of money. Its common. I do get frustrated by it. I won't run out of money. A deep breath and some meditation helps. Patience is a virtue.
I do go through periods where I feel like this
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
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Feelinggreat, apparently this is what his barrister does she is awkward but not very good. Hopefully when we are in front of the judge they will get a kick up the backside!!
If he's listening to her then he's as bad. At the end of the day barristers and solicitors take direction from their clients, they may give advise but it's up to the client to say yes or no to their strategy! In my eyes she may be awkward but he's letting her be instead of saying no give the information needed and let's get this done with. He is likely angry that I didn't agree to his terms of waiting for 2 years and then he submits another petition for divorce on the grounds of 2 years separation and that I am proceeding with his original petition of lies oh and more lies and have entered my own cross petition!!
I went through what limited information he has provided and I am so angry with the amount of money he seems to have, large amounts paid in the withdrawn but no information where it came from, no credit card information and nothing about our supposed debt that he was taking the majority of when he left!! We had joint savings although they were in his name and there was a good bit in it!!
Feeling foolish that I didn't take more of an interest in our finances and that I trusted him to deal with them all except the monthly stuff. He would always say you deal with the short term and let me deal with the long term ie credit card debt and savings. How foolish was I to listen to what he said and not ask to see statements. Lessened learned eh!!
Red, absolutely tactics used by other legal professionals until you run out of money or get fed up you agree to anything!!
Refiner, I didn't lose wages, I took leave to attend. When I say I couldn't afford to take time off I meant in terms of the amount of work I have to do. I really hope he is fined, and has to pay my costs even if it's only some of it, the paperwork is being progressed. I am taking control of this situation.
I woke up yesterday feeling very angry and it dawned on me that people are always taking advantage of me and I am always compromising to suit others so I don't cause difficulty. A recent situation in work with annual leave for Christmas. It is always you either work Christmas week or New Years week. The other manager in my building wants to take off from 23rd December to the 4th January and I am also wanting from the 27th to the 4th. She approached me. There is no manager cover for the 31st and she came to me and said she's going to come in on the 30th but take the 22nd off you can work the 31st! Oh and this had been agreed with our manager!! I was fuming I told her no
. I approached our manager and told him that i was working Christmas week including Christmas Eve and I was not prepared to work. Christmas eve and New Year's Eve. His response well we all have to do our bit to make sure their is manager cover and it's about compromise. Again very angry but I kept calm and informed him that I was doing my bit I was working Christmas week including Christmas Eve and if it was about doing our bit then the other manager should work New Year's Eve. I reminded him that I worked all last Christmas bar 1 day to make sure there was enough cover as no one else would do it and I was always changing my leave or coming into cover to suit everyone else. I told him I wasn't doing it this year and reminded him I requested my leave 2 months ago before the new manager started and she's only covering for a short time!!
Although I stayed calm I was so angry inside, fed up being taken advantage off but it's because I let it.
I don't think I am being difficult or am I?
Sorry completely off topic I know and not about recovery. Sorry.
If he's listening to her then he's as bad. At the end of the day barristers and solicitors take direction from their clients, they may give advise but it's up to the client to say yes or no to their strategy! In my eyes she may be awkward but he's letting her be instead of saying no give the information needed and let's get this done with. He is likely angry that I didn't agree to his terms of waiting for 2 years and then he submits another petition for divorce on the grounds of 2 years separation and that I am proceeding with his original petition of lies oh and more lies and have entered my own cross petition!!
I went through what limited information he has provided and I am so angry with the amount of money he seems to have, large amounts paid in the withdrawn but no information where it came from, no credit card information and nothing about our supposed debt that he was taking the majority of when he left!! We had joint savings although they were in his name and there was a good bit in it!!
Feeling foolish that I didn't take more of an interest in our finances and that I trusted him to deal with them all except the monthly stuff. He would always say you deal with the short term and let me deal with the long term ie credit card debt and savings. How foolish was I to listen to what he said and not ask to see statements. Lessened learned eh!!
Red, absolutely tactics used by other legal professionals until you run out of money or get fed up you agree to anything!!
Refiner, I didn't lose wages, I took leave to attend. When I say I couldn't afford to take time off I meant in terms of the amount of work I have to do. I really hope he is fined, and has to pay my costs even if it's only some of it, the paperwork is being progressed. I am taking control of this situation.
I woke up yesterday feeling very angry and it dawned on me that people are always taking advantage of me and I am always compromising to suit others so I don't cause difficulty. A recent situation in work with annual leave for Christmas. It is always you either work Christmas week or New Years week. The other manager in my building wants to take off from 23rd December to the 4th January and I am also wanting from the 27th to the 4th. She approached me. There is no manager cover for the 31st and she came to me and said she's going to come in on the 30th but take the 22nd off you can work the 31st! Oh and this had been agreed with our manager!! I was fuming I told her no
. I approached our manager and told him that i was working Christmas week including Christmas Eve and I was not prepared to work. Christmas eve and New Year's Eve. His response well we all have to do our bit to make sure their is manager cover and it's about compromise. Again very angry but I kept calm and informed him that I was doing my bit I was working Christmas week including Christmas Eve and if it was about doing our bit then the other manager should work New Year's Eve. I reminded him that I worked all last Christmas bar 1 day to make sure there was enough cover as no one else would do it and I was always changing my leave or coming into cover to suit everyone else. I told him I wasn't doing it this year and reminded him I requested my leave 2 months ago before the new manager started and she's only covering for a short time!!
Although I stayed calm I was so angry inside, fed up being taken advantage off but it's because I let it.
I don't think I am being difficult or am I?
Sorry completely off topic I know and not about recovery. Sorry.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
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Butterfly I'm full of admiration for the way you stood up for yourself at work. I don't think much of your manager making arrangements behind your back and not including you in the discussion. That's just unprofessional.
I do think your story is about recovery. You dealt with the situation firmly and calmly.
I do think your story is about recovery. You dealt with the situation firmly and calmly.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
No you aren't being ridiculous about th work thing! People will take advantage of others that say nothing.
As to his attorney, keep in mind it is very possible that your EX is being as equally uncooperative with her. Its possible this meeting was canceled because he had not produced the information she needed. Another aspect to the stall tactics I try to think about - if there is nothing to hide then why not produce? If you (defendant) have nothing to lose, why not show up? If you (defendant) are in the right, why not cooperate? Fact is a person would, people stall too when they know they are wrong. Especially if they have lied to their lawyer about the situation.
As to his attorney, keep in mind it is very possible that your EX is being as equally uncooperative with her. Its possible this meeting was canceled because he had not produced the information she needed. Another aspect to the stall tactics I try to think about - if there is nothing to hide then why not produce? If you (defendant) have nothing to lose, why not show up? If you (defendant) are in the right, why not cooperate? Fact is a person would, people stall too when they know they are wrong. Especially if they have lied to their lawyer about the situation
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