FaithfulAndFree

I feel horrible. I'm working through the next day anxiety. I went on a mild binge, luckily it didn't end in tragedy. I want to hold myself accountable and admit to this brief failure.

JD

Hi F&F. It happens. The important thing is you're back here. There is no failure, just another event to learn from. What can you do the next time you get an urge to drink?

entropy1964

Hi Faithful
I'm glad you're ok. And so glad you're back. Do you know what prompted the bender?

FaithfulAndFree

With me, it's always the same series of events. It'll start with the feeling of being lonely and bored for the most part, then I'll reach out to a friend for a casual drink, next thing I know I'm in a haze of drunkeness. I feel like I'm watching myself make poor choices but I can't stop it. I'm watching the same steps being made and thinking that this time will be different. I feel like I'm really struggling. I'm lonely a lot. Right now my self esteem is super low but I'm hoping that is just the normal anxiety and it will subside.

JD

If you're serious about not drinking, and if drinking is a problem in your life you should be, then you're going to have to stop reaching out to a friend for a casual drink. For you there is no such thing as a casual drink. When you get that feeling again find something else to do. Go for a walk, go to the gym, go for a coffee with your friends, go do anything but go for a casual drink

Anna

It's a good idea to reach out to a friend when you're lonely and bored. But, why not suggest meeting for coffee? That could be the beginning of changing habits for you in recovery.

I hope the anxiety eases up.

doggonecarl

You haven't accepted that sobriety, that quitting forever, is the answer. Your solution to the problem of loneliness was drinking. Not the countless other things you could have done sober. You said it yourself, you thought "this time it will be different." But it never is. Never will be.

I hope you can figure out how to embrace sobriety and learn how to cope without alcohol.

FaithfulAndFree

Thanks Anna, the problem is that I don't have "go for coffee" kind of friends. I know a major part of my sobriety is changing the company I keep, but I have horrible social anxiety and that handicaps me in the making friends department.

doggonecarl

And your friends are handicapping you in the sobriety department.

ScottFromWI

Have you considered seeing a therapist to help with your anxiety? Or perhaps attending group recovery meetings? Social anxiety is a very real problem, but it's not impossible to overcome or live with. Start with little steps and you'll be amazed at how far you can go.

FaithfulAndFree

Scott, I've tried meetings before, the demographics really made it difficult for me to feel comfortable. While we all are there because we share a wanting to be and remain sober, that was all that we shared. Most of the people there were 20yrs+ older than me.

FaithfulAndFree

Carl, you're right. My friends are a handicap as well and more than not they have been involved in my relapses. I also understand that my sobriety is 100% my responsibility. I have done it before and am confident that I can again. I just have to make more of an effort to provide myself with new healthy outlets to boredom and loneliness. And be brave to go at it alone.

C23

First off, I am glad you are back on here after a backslide. Now, my question to you is have you expressed your desire to quit drinking to these said friends of yours? If they are true friends, they should be supportive and not give you an outlet to drink. They should persuade you from it. They should be willing to give you the companionship you are looking for, while steering you away from drinking. I can attest that while most of my friends drink, they know I don't. If I were to call them up and see if they wanted to go and get a casual drink (that they know would awaken the beast) they would decline. They would come up with other activities for us to do that didn't include alcohol. Do you know for sure that you don't have those kind of friends? If you don't have the "grab a cup of coffee" friends, I have faith that you can find some. Find a local coffee house that has nightly events. Become a regular. I would bet my last dollar that there is a very good chance you run into someone who is going through the same thing you are.

Best of luck!

FreeOwl

boy have I been there.... it's no fun.

Good news; it can be your last.

MIRecovery

I have never found age, sex, race, education, income, intelligence, sexual orientation, or religion have anything to do with what I get or don't get out of a meeting. People that are 30 years older than I am or 30 years younger than I am have all said things that were key in keeping me sober.

My biggest problem with AA in the early days was they wanted me to quit drinking and what I wanted was to learn how to be a drunk without the consequences

FaithfulAndFree

I have no problem with the meetings, like I said we all share the same desire to be sober. When I was speaking about age difference I meant as far as making new friends at the meetings. I don't doubt my ability to take many things away from meetings. But my response was for the idea of making new friends to potentially have coffee with. I don't think it's impossible but I definitely have had occasions when I may have needed a friend and was treated as a younger and more naive person who may need guidance. And while that could be true, I also just need a simple friend at time, no judgment - no lectures. Hopes that makes things clearer.

MIRecovery

My sponsor is 27 years older than I am and he is a wonderful friend and is only too happy to have me buy the coffee. My AA friends come in all shapes and sizes.

Natom

Hi F&F. It's happened. Ain't nothing you can do to change it. Just acknowledge. I relapsed and have been using for the last two years and have only just admitted I have a problem again.

FaithfulAndFree

I think I'm gonna take up your advice of becoming a regular at a local coffee house. Thnx!!

Dee74

This is a great link for devising a strong and resilient recovery plan FaithfulAndFree

https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf

D