slowclimb

AH has been a bit estranged from most of his friends as he was hiding his drinking. By now many of them are hearing or figuring out that he is in rehab again. This time most of them are pissed off and/or disgusted. I have only spoken to a couple or shared a brief text and that was based on the need to reply to an invite etc. Not only can I hear their annoyance with the whole thing, they've expressed it.

I've also avoided these people over the past few months. For starters these are couple friends. And the friendships are all based on AH's friendship with the husband through work with extensions from there. So they also ALL know each other and have for 20 years. A lot of them have been good friends but also party friends and gossipy and opinionated. I don't need that right now.

I'm finding in this first phase of recovery that being around people that make me feel bad is NOT where I want to be. Maybe it's just me and I'm being uber sensitive or self centered (aka maybe everyone isn't really talking about me or pitying me). Plus it's all they want to talk about and I don't....I need a break from it.

slowclimb

Realizing too that I don't want to lie so it's easier to not provide the opportunity to have the conversation right now. I've also been avoiding my family and my own friends....which I do need to get past. Most of them are positive, reasonable and supportive - aka not A's

LexieCat

Friends get fed up, too. And if it affected his work, they may have been dealing with fallout at work from his drinking. I know I wasn't on top of my game at work toward the end of my drinking. If the main connection is through his work then I think it's perfectly reasonable for you to let him communicate with them when he gets back.

But yes, lean on your own support system.

Hugs,

ardy

I have never avoided people .. even my Hubby's family.. they ask the wrong question or push a bad button .. they get to know the complete unbridled truth.. It will set you free.. yep... sorry need more coffee kids and beans .. had a great Folk Fair at State fair park the best in families and humanity.. hugs ardy

FireSprite

I think it's a healthy attitude to separate yourself from toxic people when what you need more than anything right now is support. I needed a certain solitude/isolation for a while to be able to clear my head, observe everything around me for what it REALLY was & figure out which path I was going to take moving forward.

Anybody who wants to judge you for his actions isn't worth defending yourself to anyway - isn't it amazing how personally affected people get over something like this yet they never stop & think about what YOU must being going through in YOUR shoes right now?

I dropped a lot of people from my life during my recovery. Occasionally I miss the big get-togethers, the social life that comes with a big group like that... and then I think about how it REALLY was - drama-filled BS - & I realize that what I miss is an illusion anyway. It all kept me very busy doing a lot of nothing.

Stung

I went through a similar experience after it came out that the bulk of our "trouble" was actually because AH was an alcoholic. Now my friends are just kind of disgusted and beguiled, because we have two young kids and I'm a decent enough catch for a wife. I took a break from Facebook and avoided text messages and voicemails for a while. When I was ready to be social again my real friends accepted me back into the fold with open arms and no judgement. Our friends that started out as AH's friends...well, they're a different story.

LifeRecovery

My relationships have changed drastically as my recovery has deepened.

I can tend to isolate sometimes which is not always a good thing. On the other hand a number of my relationships needed to grow or change or stop.

This has been a part of my recovery journey. I had to clear out some of my old friendships (and beliefs about friendship) to make room for the new.

I needed to listen and trust me on this. I also needed to question myself about "why," I was doing this. My behavior may not have been any different and sometimes it was an act of self-care and sometimes an act of self-sabatogue. I learned it was less about my behavior sometimes and more about why I was engaging in it that lead me to deeper understanding and self care.

Oh the nuances of recovery.

Eauchiche

What a timely and pertinent post!!!
I have been noticing how like attracts like. In other words, cultures develop, large or small, from like minded people ending up together.

I was getting very sensitive to and avoidant of people and groups who seem bothered and lack serenity. I though this was MY problem. Nice to know some of you other folks are experiencing the same thing.