PuzzledinTX

My alcoholic father recently died, and I'm now wondering how this will probably affect my recovery from the effects of his behavior. He was able to make peace with me, which was good. I wish it hadn't come to him being on the brink of death, though. He and I had our differences because of his drinking, but dang it, I miss him

One of the things that's upset me horribly has been his favorite watering hole's so-called tribute to him on their website. (Yes, they found that necessary!) This was a man who died from cancer possibly brought on by his drinking and who destroyed his marriage and relationships with his family because of his drinking. To add insult to injury, several family members insisted on liking and sharing the tribute on Facebook, knowing full well what he did under the influence and the trouble it caused.

Dee74

I'm sorry for your loss Puzzled.

I'm glad you got a chance to talk and make amends before he passed - I hope that will make the way forward a little easier for you.

As for the 'tribute', I guess in their own way it is a genuine tribute - I'm just sorry it's so thoughtless.

D

DoubleDragons

I am so sorry for your loss. My mom is an alcoholic and I can completely relate to everything that you are saying. I am glad that you both came to a peace before he died.

biminiblue

I'm sorry for your loss, Puzzled.

For what it's worth, I worked in a bar/restaurant for many years and we really truly loved our "regulars." They were wonderful people with a terrible problem - but I spent a lot of time talking with them and I would be sad if they died. Even though we weren't family, these guys spent a lot of time with us. Connections are real for us, even if they may not be for the drinker. I'm sure they genuinely cared for your father.

greeteachday

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you had a chance to talk before he died. I think the impact addictions have on our lives don't stop with death, so I hope you will continue your journey and find peace and recovery.

PuzzledinTX

TY all. I think the worst thing about the idea of the bar tributes is the fact that, even though they obviously would have seen him falling-down drunk, they didn't witness his screaming rampages that would go on for six hours at a time or the physical abuse that my mother was subjected to. It's all too easy, I think, for people to get this goofy, lovable drunk image in their heads and forget the fact their drinking buddy can be a real sadist behind closed doors. You can love the A in your life, but still hate the things they've done. Why do family relationships have to be so difficult?