Thankful2day

I posted this as a reply to a fellow member but thought perhaps I should put down as my own thread. New to this site and did not want to take away from someone else's post or needs. So here goes...Pain and sickness inside that does not leave. The feelings, anxiety, and thoughts fill the head and make every emotion you have stand full attention. Fighting urges to numb it for me has been alcohol but the next morning it is back staring me in the face. I can relate to how you feel. My husband and I met years ago in a bar, I have been with him off and on drunk and sober for uyears. Been with him thru DV and while he was in prison. He has been out for 2 years now and has been in and out of treatment two times for detox, hoping for him he stays sober this time . He has went to my family, friends and local AA meetings and ranted about how I am a drunk and abusive to him, and has even went so far to get a restraining order to keep me out of the house. Currently staying with family and working on staying sober and empowering myself. But my ego and codependent side (and the fact I love this man, although it sounds sick) is so angry. I have supported him since we have been together. He will not work, I feel because he owes a lot of back taxes (he had before we met), and he has no drivers license from numerous dwi's, and child endangerment charges. I am not innocent I have had a dwi and child endangerment due to drinking myself in the past, trust me he reminds me often. But angry can not enter my home to get personal belongings and he has the say what and what not my children can come and get. As well as a child we share together he will not let me see, her 5th bday was last Thursday. So feel anxious, emotions crazy and raw. But crying when need to and deep breathing a lot. Over and over telling my head, "stop a drink will not help, you will not be happy with one. And what? Are you going to start over again tomorrow? Don't drink and this insanity will stop!" I hope everything works out for you too.

entropy1964

Hi thankful
I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time. It sounds like most if it is due to using alcohol. Soooo, the only way out of this is the way you got in....except in reverse. To take each step back out sober, undue/fix where you can, move on from what you can't. Only time and abstinence will help. One way to make it worse, for sure, is to drink.

Do you have a plan for recovery? Doesn't have to be fancy. Maybe AA would be good because you can create yourself a sign up sheet and have a member sign that you attended the meeting. Then if necessary you can use that in court to gain rights to see you baby. Just a thought. Don't actually know if that would help but it can't hurt.

Thankful2day

Thank you. And yes have sheets with signatures. That is a start

KiKi0615

Hang in there. Just don't drink one day at a time & things will get better. :-)

Dee74

how are you doing now Thankful?

D

Anna

Thankful, it does sound like you have a lot to deal with right now, but the main thing is to stay sober.

Thankful2day

Still feeling anxious. Doing a lot of deep breathing. Staying sober, have not drank. The fight of the mind is still strong with the battle of not drinking, but the only control I have is.......don't pick up the first beer!

swindon32

He's taking control and trying to kick you where it hurts by using your child that you share. Kick him even harder by staying sober, looking and feeling great and all of that lost positivity will come flooding back. It's there somewhere waiting for you! For you and your children. Keep strong, what seems bad now will be twenty times worse when you're half cut.

Thankful2day

Thank you. You are correct made it another day sober. Saw an attorney today filed for legal separation and getting ready as sad as it seems to start over again, day by day. Kicking me where it hurts is true. Have court date soon for restraining order and can't wait to see my youngest daughter. Will be so thankful to have my children all back together and to continue working on myself and recovery. Keep wondering how he could be so mean, he has sober a few weeks. Just seems like a selfish act while dealing with his recovery also and to his child as well.

Soberwolf

Your doing great

Thankful2day

Made it thru yesterday not drinking, have my plan in place to not drink today. Feeling better and stronger, mind is clearer and more focused. Sooooo thankful for pushing thru the last rough days. I know more are to come with thoughts and desires as I face attorneys and custody battles with my husband. Also the thought of losing him after years of thinking we would never part and start over. I always said, " we will be together thru all trails, why divorce and work on the same problems with someone else when you can work on the ones at home and grow together and not separate your family." In a nutshell it will be ok, God is granting me serenity.

Dee74

Good stuff Thankful

D

Thankful2day

Still sober!!!!!!!! yeah!!!!,

Soberwolf

Awesome

Thankful2day

Rough day with a lot of emotion. But made it thru day six. Missing my husband, but I have no choice except for divorce he has made that clear.

Hereandnow2

Reading your thread, you've got this! You'll be so glad and know it's all worth it! I have a 5 year old son and an 8 year old son sober a year and a half. I wish I was sober their whole lives. I'm a proud mom now. Keep up the work. It will get easier.

Soberwolf

Congrats on day 6 Thankful

Thankful2day

Spending time with kids and enjoying it, but feeling a little blue. The thought of drinking a little strong today have felt like crying, very nervous feeling and mouth salivating at times. But not doing it, not leaving this house!!!!! Tomorrow will feel better and stronger it will pass.

Soberwolf

Hi Thankful XO Have fun with the children when I'm with my 5yr old neice I love getting involved in her world which is currently my lil pony I always mess up the names on purpose her face is a picture il name 2 right shel be nodding then I mess up the third name & her reaction is priceless lol

She's taken to ringing me some days with knock knock jokes

Sorry you feel blue know you have us 24/7 & your 5000% right, This will pass

Can I suggest you get some Ben n jerrys ice cream for later it helps

Thankful2day

Sober wolf thank you for your post, it made me smile this rainy morning. Ben and Jerrys is a favorite of mine, have not been getting ice cream due to the love of it and the fact I have put on about 25 pounds from all the beer I USE to consume. Have a blessed day