JD4320

Just out of curiosity,

I see a lot of folk here who are looking for help and someone to talk to while they are dealing with someone who is in active addiction, or perhaps just left for rehab, or is a chronic relapser. I'm just curious, is anyone here who has a loved one who has actually been able to recover and sustain sobriety?

Thanks

JimC60

JD,

"Anyone know a loved one who sustains recovery?"

There are a number of people in my Nar-Anon group who have adult children that have maintained themselves clean and sober for 10+ years. It is their experience which keeps me hopeful for my daughter's long term recovery.

So the answer is yes, I know some loved ones who are sustaining recovery, I just do not have one...... yet.

One day at a time,

Jim

Fate2012

Sadly no. I think my aexh will use off and on until the day he dies.


I see a lot of folk here who are looking for help and someone to talk to while they are dealing with someone who is in active addiction, or perhaps just left for rehab, or is a chronic relapser. I'm just curious, is anyone here who has a loved one who has actually been able to recover and sustain sobriety?

Thanks [/QUOTE]

GardenMama

My daughter (22) and her husband have been sober for 17 months. They have a four-month-old baby girl and are working their recovery, parenting with love and attention, and reconnecting with family who they were alienated from for several years prior. Despite this wonderful change, I still work my own program, still appreciate all this goodness one day at a time.

posablyhappy

My grandfather was an alcoholic and stopped drinking before I was born so I only know from stories. But I've never seen him take a drink and he and my grandmother were married for 60 years before she died. Their story gives me hope for other family.

NoelleR

Right off the top of my head, I can think of five...................: 1) Charlene; 2) Jenny; 3) David; 4) Fran; and 5) Me.

1) Her s/o passed away with 31 years continuous sobriety;
2) Her ex has 30 years of continuous sobriety;
3) His s/o has 40 years of continuous sobriety;
4) Her ex has 30 years of continuous sobriety; and
5) My ex has 32 years of continuous sobriety.

There's hope for us all!

(o:

JimC60

Posablyhappy,

That is a familiar sounding story.

My maternal grandfather was an alcoholic. When my older brother was born (his first grandchild), my parents announced they were coming to visit in a few months. When they arrived in the mid-west, grandfather was sober and stayed that way during the visit.

Mom finally asked what was happening / had happened with her father's drinking -- his reply was, "I didn't want my grandson to ever see me drunk." He remained sober until his death some 15 years later.

Jim

CaringScared

My father had a terrible drinking problem, and my parents were in the process of divorcing when she became pregnant with my sister (14 years younger than me). When he found out my mom was pregnant, he completely stopped and stayed sober for the remaining fifteen years of his life.

I have a dear, dear friend who was a crack addict for four years and has not touched the stuff in over 15.

JOIE12

drug addiction - personally, no one.

Lily1918

I have been clean for 20 months and even now... Life on lifes terms can be difficult. My STBXAH has relapsed but vehemently denies it.

It is something we all have to choose for ourselves.

NoelleR

Since this is the F&F of Substance Abusers, I should have been more specific. The exes of #'s 1, 2, and 3 are also free from smoking weed too. Fran's ex is also clean from marijuana; MDA and MDMA; LSD; Mescaline; Heroin; Cocaine (snorting, smoking, and injecting); uppers; downers; and; and; and.......My ex is also clean from marijuana; MDA; and MDMA.

So, yes, JOIEE12, there are actually quite a few......the ones I listed are just my closest friends, but there are lots more out there; just gotta look for them

(o:

JD4320

Thanks everybody! I know I've known a few people who have done a good job recovering and have been able to rejoin the world, and it's good to hear from other people who have experienced it as well. Especially considering some of the people who have recovered from pretty hardcore substances and have long periods of sobriety.

I think that as much as we all come here to share our pain and struggle, it is important to recognize the achievements as well. There's so much "let me give it to you straight..." that it's sometimes a little tough for me to hear. I'm sure I'm not the only one who needs to know sometimes "does anyone get better?"

Bless you all! Stay safe and live well

Lily1918

Well... I must say this. there is no such thing as healing. Addiction in my opinion is a behavioral disorder. There is no cure. There are only coping skills It is essential to understand this. No one ever gets better. I am just as much of an addict today as I was 2 years ago at the height of my use. That will never ever change. I am one bad decision away from ruining my life all over again. My husband lost everything in one night. He unraveled so fast! He was almost two years clean. Sometimes people go back out after years

Im sorry to be the bearer of bad news on such a hopeful thread. I just cant risk false hope. Yes. There is hope, but I dont want that hope to be misunderstood. There is no cure.

hopepraylove

My sponsor has 5+ years. (Addict/alcoholic)
His sponsor has 6+ years. (Addict/alcoholic)

JD4320

Hi Lily,

I totally get what you're saying. There is no such thing as "fixed" there's only "managing" and it's an important fact to understand. You'll notice I said "sustains" not "achieved." It's a verb of ongoing action. I'd never use words like "fixed" or "healed." I've been too close to too many people in recovery for too long to be that naive. Watch out for those "-ed" words!

JOIE12

Thank you Lily. You wrote exactly what I feel. Amazing words.

NoelleR - I responded to this thread that I personally did not know any people who have attained sobriety and stayed that way. Age is relative - the experiences that we have by 20 is different by 30 and 40 and 50, etc. The 3 yr stint with ABF was a shock. My note was not to challenge those who have maintained sobriety - but just a simple answer to the question. For three years I believed it was possible. He's gone. I wish I had woken up sooner. For me - it's a lose lose situation. Heartbreak is inevitable. I know that I do not have the ability to live in any situation like that again.

Vale

From a sample set of 2 ( Close cousin and the aquaintance
that brought me to SR),currently zero for two. That is an
inadequate sample set to even identify a trend, let alone any
conclusions.

My conclusions are emotionally based
(hence mathematically/scientifically worthless).

I simply don't have it in me to pay the devastatingly
high cost of further data collection. Our lives are finite
and sooner or later we simply must reserve our best
selves for those whose nature it is to reciprocate
invested care.No more throwing gold bullion bricks
into the ocean for me.

lightseeker

I know a few people with longer term recovery (9+ years) from substance abuse and more with long term recovery with alcohol abuse.

When I 1st came to this board I was looking for proof that people can recover and I also looked everywhere for statistics. I was trying to make an informed decision about whether to get further involved with an addict that stated that he wanted to recover and that he was "done".

What I have learned is that no matter how many sober people I found it really didn't influence whether my ex would remain sober. It got to the point that I wished that he WOULD use so I could more easily justify ending our relationship. I lived in a special hell....a sober addict that wasn't working a recovery. I now believe that all he was doing was working a relapse.

There is honestly no predicting who will and who won't get into recovery and stay in recovery. I wished that I had anticipated the worst vs. the best but I didn't.....I went with the examples of the minority of people that do maintain recovery. As far as a romantic partner goes - I would not go there again....but that is just because I got so badly burned. Others chose a different path everyday but usually those of us that have gone down that road don't want to ever do it again.

As a mother...I would lean completely into the hope of recovery however.... my children hold a completely different place in my heart....and I would never stop hoping.

I thought that if I could even find one person with long term recovery I could justify the chance that I was giving my ex. Now I know that that one person had nothing to do with the evil that I ended up having to deal with....

JimC60

Lightseeker,

"......As a mother...I would lean completely into the hope of recovery however.... my children hold a completely different place in my heart....and I would never stop hoping."

And as the father of a opiate / heroin addict, I am doing the same.

One day at a time,

Jim