Stubbs16

Well, that says it all. Im so tired, and worn down. Drinking always amplifies it. Ive used my tools, and Im not winning this battle at all. Not asking for advice, or sympathies. Just saying how bad I feel, how bad Ive become. I know only me can change it all up, but Im so very tired of trying.

Im losing my hope, and my determination to fight. Im just so very tired. Thats all Ive got to say at this point. Just needed to say it.

Ive been a member of god knows how many classes. I have done therapy, Ive been to AA, I just think I am a lost cause. I have to accept the fact that some people never get well. I hope and pray thats not me. Because addiction is a hell , I want out of.

Alcohol is baffling, but no more then my own mind is. So, why do I keep going back to the same old, same old? Ive had enough , I know way better.Am I so weak? What the hell is so wrong with me. What am I lacking to not be well? That is just crazy. But, its facts. Just needed to get that out there folks. Thanks for listening.

letitgo

Keep at it. Addiction is difficult. Have you read Allen Carr (how to control drinking)?

Ultramarathoner

I sent you a message Maximus.

Anna

Maximus, I know how it is when you feel hopeless and that it's overwhelming, but you must not give up. This disease is relentless and you must continue to find a way to make sobriety work for you. You said you've tried AA and therapy. What do you think you could change or add to your program to help you stay sober?

SoberLife90

Try to work the steps. You need to get honest with yourself and look back at your drinking. If you feel you are an alcoholic your condition is hopeless. You will never be able to live a life of moderate drinking because you aren't like other people! Us alcoholics don't have the power to moderate. We are all or nothing. If you have decided you are an alcoholic and cannot control your drinking maybe you should try to make life about more than just yourself. You can do it. Don't give up! Why continuw to drink if your going to lose?

Stubbs16

Thanks Anna, letit,and sober, ultra. I'm just so tired . I know I have to keep trying, there is nothing else. I'm worn down, I'm ate up with it all. I'm so afraid I will lose this battle, but I also know its within my own power to do this. I have to keep trying. Thanks much everybody for your support. I have to try to sleep now, and sleep is not forthcoming much these days. I've been thru the mill with this crap, and have a lot more bs to deal with tomorrow. Thank you all.

Dee74

Max the good news is its entirely up to you whether you get well or not.

Sometimes the simplest plans - don't drink no matter what - are the best.

If you're still drinking, then you haven't tried everything.

Don't discount anything you've tried so far either. We grow and change and what might have felt infeasible a year ago may be not so daunting now.

I think learning to reach out is important too - if you're in trouble and you don't want to drink (and your membership here proves that) then ask for help


this is a great link to help you make a recovery plan tailored to your needs.
https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf

there's no addiction so bad it can;t be beaten, Max. You need to believe and accept that
D

least

I hope our support can help you get sober for good.

Stubbs16

Anna, I don't know what else to try, but I have to find something that may work forme. Whatever that may be.

Sober, I am not a fan of AA, but I agree with the whole concept of it. Those people in the program always treated me very well.

Letitgo, that must be a good read, thanks for the suggestion. I've read some books on addiction, so I will check that out too.

Thanks much to everyone here. I have the headache from hell, and must try to sleep now. I'm very grateful to all of you, for taking the time to try to help me. It means a lot to know you all care, have been there, done that. Thanks again. I hope to have a more positive note, when I check back in.

Stubbs16

Thanks much Dee.

emme99

Hi Maximus,
I understand the feeling of losing hope & feeling tired but please keep trying. I am on day 3 for who knows how many times and I know I will get it one of these days and I am certain you will too. Please don't quit. You are in my thoughts.

strategery

Just focus on getting through today Maximus, even if it means calling it a night. There have been days I've gone to bed early since I was tired of dealing with everything else, but it kept me sober. You can do it. Don't let your AV win.

Stubbs16

Well, i hardly got any sleep, but did rest and my headache eased up. Im feeling a little more optimistic today, but the self doubting is still with me. I just feel scared, and very upset that I havent nipped this addiction in the bud, for good yet. I know its possible, so many others achieve it. I really want the sober life, and hate being a drunk.

Although I have made some progress as of late, I wont be satisfied until I can really quit, for good, forever. I know tho, one day at a time. So, today, Im choosing not to drink.

Kaily

Well done with making the right choice at least for today.
Take Care

doggonecarl

Yes, this affliction claims many. But many who never recover never tried to quit, or quit trying. If you are trying, there's a chance.

Keep trying.

FreeOwl

You're not hopeless.

You're not a lost cause.

You aren't someone who will never get well.

You can do it.

Reel it in.... sometimes it can be overwhelming.

Let's just deal in two dimensions; RIGHT NOW, and TODAY.


RIGHT NOW will be this moment, and it will move with you throughout the day....

TODAY will be as far into the future as we will be concerned with, and it will extend until you are asleep.


Ready? OK....


RIGHT NOW - don't drink.

RIGHT NOW - work on taking whatever steps you can to simply be present and let go of the overwhelming thoughts.

TODAY - what one or two things will you do that are sobriety-focused? A meeting? Journaling? Some time here at SR?

TODAY - what one or two things will you NOT do in order to protect your sobriety? NOT go to a bar? NOT go to a party? NOT walk past a liquor store? NOT spend time around certain triggers.

AND THAT's IT! That's all you have to worry about.


JUST RIGHT NOW, and TODAY.

Stubbs16

Just checking bac and feel very blessed to have the support of all of you. I like the idea of right now and today free owl, ty. And yes Carl, I have to keep trying, I may not be there yet, but Im not a quitter by any means. Thanks to everyone who took time to encourage me, it means so much to me. I will keep moving forward.

teatreeoil007

Excellent post FO!

hpdw

Maximus Ive been struggling too . I listen to the veterans here and others at any level . Try to be kinder to yourself and don't beat yourself up ,this is also what I tell myself as I am just picking up after a slip .
Don't give in .

Thinking off you

On The Road

Maximus, I urge you to push your chips to the center of the table and go all-in - make the commitment - don't drink today. Repeat tomorrow. What I sense from you is that your AV is interfering with this decision. It's scared that you'll give it up for good - and rightly so. Because when you give yourself some sober time, you'll realize YOU have control over IT.

The hardest thing for me was to realize that I can't have another drop of booze ever. But when I got it through my thick head, sobriety began to make sense.

Please join us because there's a lot to do in this life when you're not riding the rails on the crazy train.