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When will this feeling go??

Old 11-16-2015, 02:09 AM
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When will this feeling go??

Hi All, I need to vent,

Everything is just still so raw. After last weeks explosive finally of my relationship with my xabf I just cannot budge this feeling. I know I did nothing wrong, he acted like a a-hole I would not stand for it and left. I didn't expect for him to change the locks to our home, to slag me of to everyone within reach, to tell my parents he used me, my son, my family and everyone around him and I certainly did not expect to be sat here surrounded by my stuff on a camp bed at my friends. I've put a deposit down on a new house, I know I cannot go back, but I just cant budge this horrible feeling. How can we go from him battle ling his demons and us working as a unit, we were happy two weeks ago, it was apparent to everyone, I cannot lie about how I felt, the gap between us was closing and we both were enjoying family life to this? Am I wrong for wanting to just make amends? I had woken so much more positive yesterday and bam it hit me like he intended he had been out in the pub being the big I am not drinking and using slagging me of infront of my friend that works there, he knew it would get back to me, he knew it would hurt me like this, why would he do that??
When will this feeling go?
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Old 11-16-2015, 02:23 AM
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I don't know when the feeling will go, but we are here to listen until it does.

As an alcoholic myself, I know that it just magnified who I was already. If he tends to be a certain way anyway - adding alcohol will just intensify that.

I'm glad you have a friend who has taken you in. A new house sounds exciting! When will you be able to get in your new place?
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Old 11-16-2015, 02:35 AM
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I am so grateful to the people I have around me at present, so so grateful. Its just so hard, I pull it together for my son and then as soon as he is gone to school it comes flooding out.
How do you just walk away from someone that up till the last 6 weeks, was your best friend? some one you talked to, he never disrespected me like this.

I move into the new place on the 27th, I am in process of selling my car to get all cash together, is it bad that I just want to go home and make amends?
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Old 11-16-2015, 02:46 AM
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It's hard to let go, even when you know you have to. Give yourself some time to heal, Jac88.
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Old 11-16-2015, 03:15 AM
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Love is a very, very powerful emotion and you can't expect it to just switch itself off immediately. You will need time to heal. You've had to make a lot of big decisions very quickly which is very difficult to cope with. Moving house just in itself, even in the best of situations, is considered one of the biggest causes of stress there are. And the circumstances you're having to do that in makes it even worse.

The only advice I can give is what others are saying. If at all possible take a time out from making any more big decisions. You're saying you're considering going back to your ex, or are at least conflicted about leaving him. Perhaps just resolve right now that you will make the decision about whether ending the relationship is permanent or not say 3 months from now. Or 6 months, or whatever. Let the dust settle. This will also give you time to reflect on what has happened, away from the current pressure cooker atmosphere. Given you have a young child, it's very important that you make the right decision as it will impact on his future as well as yours. Use all the support you can get, here, from friends and family, perhaps consider counselling if that's an option.

I understand how overwhelming and traumatic everything must be for you right now, but I'm sure with time it will get better and you will make the right decision for both you and your boy.
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Old 11-16-2015, 03:38 AM
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All I can say is that surely this proves that you made the right decision. You're better off. Be happy
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Old 11-16-2015, 06:30 AM
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Surround yourself with support... take time and focus on self-care.... know that feelings do pass. It's hard to say when - but one day you will feel "better". One day, you may feel "worse". That's how feelings are. That's how life is.

Along the way, whether "better" or "worse" - our work is to grow and to appreciate our lives and our experience. To care for ourselves and for others. To BE with all we are able.

If you focus just on BEING with all you are able and on using this painful time as a time for offering yourself support and care and growth - you will emerge the other side of it feeling you've evolved, and along the way even the pain won't seem quite so challenging.
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Old 11-16-2015, 11:32 AM
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Give things time things always get better with time XO
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Old 11-16-2015, 11:58 AM
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It might help to ask your friends not to talk to you about him.

It does take time to adjust and I think it's normal to want to just make things go back to being good. But stuff like this is like if you break a plate- you can glue it back together, but it's never going to be the same.

Try to be kind to yourself. It's so rough going through a break-up.
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Old 11-16-2015, 12:18 PM
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Thanks for the advice everyone. My friend didn't speak to him directly about me, she overheard his overly cocky boasts, he wanted to make it known excentrically. I know in time things will get easier, just finding it hard to accept that he can just switch his emotions of about me just like that?

It all just is such a shock.... Trying to keep my chin up though
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Old 11-16-2015, 12:22 PM
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hang in there were always here for you Jac
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Old 11-17-2015, 12:59 AM
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So I stupidly txt him guys.... I know... I know what was I thinking a moment of madness, sat in the car outside work... My son had been playing a cd he had made for him and I was just to weak... I just asked him if we could come home, move forward together, I know it can't go back..... I am not expecting a response, maybe I had to do it for a final goodbye.. I don't know... Guess I'm just struggling. I can't believe he could just switch his emotions of just like that?!?
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Old 11-17-2015, 01:00 AM
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Sorry Jac lean on us
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Old 11-17-2015, 01:33 AM
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It's stupid, because I know that's how I feel at present, I just want to give up hope.
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Old 11-17-2015, 01:42 AM
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Don't do that some days are really hard yesterday I had such a bad day myself but like Dee74 says a bad day is just that a bad day if it helps vent get it out your system

I'm listening Jac
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Old 11-17-2015, 04:18 AM
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I just miss him and us and this how letting go thing is easier said then done
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Old 11-17-2015, 05:18 AM
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it is a hard thing to go through but you always have us
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Old 11-17-2015, 05:32 AM
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Hi Jac88,

I'm so sorry to hear how much you're struggling right now, and understand how painful this whole situation is. How overwhelmed with emotions you're feeling.

What I'm reading suggests you're really struggling with the decision about whether to leave him forever, or to go back to live with him now. And that's a big decision to make while under so much stress.

What about the option of taking that Big Decision off the table for now? It doesn't feel to me that you need to make it yet. You have the option to just take some time away to think things through.

If he's someone you're considering being with forever, you shouldn't feel like it's some kind of high pressure salesman demanding that you close the deal today or it's off the table. Perhaps find somewhere temporary to live just for now till you've really had time to think. Open up the possibility of giving yourself a good few months if needed to take stock of everything so you know the decision you make is the right one for you and your boy, and not made while still reeling from a shock like the one you've had.
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Old 11-17-2015, 05:35 AM
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He's changed the locks though, so the decision is out of my hands. I have to let go, it's just the speed of things, I dont want to make rash decisions but all around me seem to be saying go for it, it's urs don't look back.
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Old 11-17-2015, 05:55 AM
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This is just going to take some time, Jac. It's a shock.

The last breakup I had was difficult too. I remember wishing I could change things somehow, even though it was for the best that we broke up. Have you heard about the five stages of grief? Anger, Denial, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. What you are going through is very human and necessary.

Hug.

Keep doing things that bring you some happiness. Walks, hot showers, drinking tea, museum, the beach.
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