THippy

I wonder what it's like to send your husband on a business trip and miss him? I see my friends post their countdowns to the return date when their husbands go. I see them say how hard it is to get through XX days without their partner by their side, etc.
But I don't feel that.
It's not that there's relief for a few days without drinking, since he doesn't drink much during the week anyway. In fact, he'll drink more when he's away. He'll call each night to check in and I'll hear the drink in his voice. There won't be much to talk about because I don't like to talk to him when he's drinking. Too much repeating myself because he can't retain information for ten minutes.
There's no looking forward to his return because he returns for his regular weekend bingeing.
What a sad state of affairs.
I'd like to feel like the other wives someday.

WMJ1012

What would it be like to be in neither extreme?
Neither painfully over-dependent nor happier when he's gone?

Somewhere in the midst of these extremes is a healthy relationship.

THippy

It would be nice.

SparkleKitty

It is possible to have that. It may not be possible in your current situation.

AnvilheadII

first, how YOU feel is how you feel.........its neither good or bad, less or more, it just IS.

some people are SO codependent that they almost cease to exist when separated from their chosen one.....hours alone are agony, days are like trying not to breathe.

i wouldn't go so far as to call myself "normal" or my relationship the shining example all should aspire to, but while we do very much enjoy each others company and look forward to getting back home, we also manage time apart without falling apart. that's not to say we haven't each had moments of wanting to ship the other off to some foreign land!!!

your relationship has become broken, fractured and is not likely to heal unless both parties are 100% invested in doing so and doing whatever it takes to get there. alcoholism is the big ole elephant in the room......

hold on to the face that you want for better.....and then start to build a plan to get there.

THippy

Yes, I wouldn't want to fall apart either.
I don't think that's in my nature anyway. I actually have a pretty strong independent streak for a Codependant. If that makes any sense.

WMJ1012

Yes it does!
Now that is more of who you really are.
Not in a relationship anorexia way, but in a relying on God and your own capabilities first way

LexieCat

Just FYI, not everyone in a relationship with an alcoholic--even those who find it difficult to leave--are "codependent." I think a lot of us develop some codependent-type behaviors as a result of living with alcoholism, but it isn't a pattern in our lives outside that one relationship.

I consider myself VERY independent, but I found it difficult to bring myself to do what was necessary. It takes time to figure out what's REALLY going on in the relationship and to decide how to proceed.

dandylion

Hippy......it sounds like you have lost that lovin' feeling......

dandylion

***from a famous soul song...done by the Righteous Brothers.....you can check it out on u-tube....

THippy

Not entirely. It still shows signs of life every now and then. But probably not often enough.

I know the song well. Lol

THippy

Thanks for pointing that out. I've been really trying to examine whether or not these behaviors (mine) go beyond my marriage. I haven't really ever dealt with the ACOA issues either, so I'm trying to analyze if that's where it all started for me and how far reaching it really has been. It's interesting and painful work.
I went to lunch with my mom a couple weeks ago and I told her that I'm beginning Alanon, etc, etc. she asked me, "I know that your brother became an alcoholic because of his experience with your Dad. But how do you think it effected you?" There's the million dollar question. That's the answer I'm looking for too.

WMJ1012

The soul cannot be divided.